I got into a relationship with my girlfriend on early February, and things have been really great up till last Sunday. She began to withdraw herself from us/our relationship. This is because I have noticed some of her behaviors began to change, which i might be overthinking this. For example, her texting habits have changed. In the past, she would reply my message almost instantly, even while she was in class or with her friends. If she were to reply an hour or 2 late, she would say she’s sleeping or bathing etc. Now, she would take 1 to 3 hours to reply my text during the day/afternoon (due to her classes) or when she is with her friends, or even at night when she’s at home. However, what irks me is that while she wasn’t replying my texts, she was online on Instagram posting stories or on Twitter tweeting, or on Tiktok sending me tiktok clips. Her replies also seem a bit lackluster as compared to the past.
Other than texting, she also seemed abit less enthusiastic about meeting me. Back then, no matter how busy she was, she would always find time to meet me. “I will always find time for you” < this is what she said in the past. But now, whenever I suggest to meet her, she would reply with “But I’m not sure if I’m free” or “I’ll be busy with this and that”.
We also have this habit of calling each other on discord every night for a few hours, sometimes until 3 or 4am in the morning. “I don’t like doing things alone anymore, as I like having you around” >what she said this 10 days ago. But just 2 days ago, I asked if she is interested in calling, and she said no as she would like to focus on her work and do her work alone despite her calling me just 10 days ago on discord while she’s doing the same work from the same module (its a quiz with many questions). The same thing happened yesterday, where she told me she would like to do her work alone (same quiz), giving the same reason.
I have talked to her about these issues (showing little interest in meeting me, and not wanting to call despite saying how she likes having me around) just 3 days ago, asking her if anything is up. However, I did not mention anything about the late replies as I thought that was me overthinking. She reassured me that she was just burnt out recently from all the work (having 3 essays deadline submission the week before) and her life commitments (learning and teaching music), and that she still loves me and she’s not tired of us or our relationship in general. However, nothing has changed as of now.
I would also like to add that her behaviors began to change just last this Sunday (5 days have passed since I posted this on reddit). Also to add, her last essays deadline submission was last Thursday (a week ago), so her reason of suffering from burnt out seems legitimate. But still, I am still worried that she is getting tired of us or is losing interest in us. Am i overthinking things? Or should I give my girlfriend the benefit of doubt? Should I talk to her about this again? But by doing this, I might come across as needy and it might potentially push her further away from me? I am feeling miserable right now.
Would like to add again that she recently met this guy 1 on 1 on Sunday (the day when everything started to change). She did tell me beforehand that she’s meeting him and asked if I was okay. I said yes as I did not want to sound like a controlling boyfriend. However, I voiced how I was feeling to her by telling her how I was jealous of the guy, and she reassured me that she only loves me, and he’s just a friend. Is there anything more to this?
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Tldr: Girlfriend seems withdrawn from us/me/our relationship lately (5 days ago). She would take hours (1 to 3) to reply my texts, seemed less enthusiastic in texting me, and shown lesser interest in meeting me. What should I do now?
5 comments
It sounds like she’s still replying and making time for you. It sounds like replying instantly all the time just wasn’t sustainable for her, especially if she has other stuff she needs to concentrate on.
If she’s feeling stressed right now, why not ask how you can support her?
I’m just going to be direct with you.
You’re 4 years older than her and you’re acting like you’re 4 years younger than her.
You’ve been dating since early Feb, so about 6-8 weeks? You barely know each other. But you’re keeping tabs on things she did and ways she acted 10 days ago? I know you said you don’t want to be needy and push her away, but this kind of stuff will absolutely push her away, and any one you meet in the future.
You also posted this: https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/t71nfs/i_24m_am_in_a_relationship_with_my_girlfriend_20f/
Is it perhaps that she really doesn’t have time or can’t talk?
You’re 24. You’re an adult. This isn’t high school. Get your own hobbies, your own friends, live your own life. If you can share those things together, great. If you can’t right now, then that’s ok. If all you’re doing is sitting around thinking about her all day and constantly trying to contact her in a brand new relationship you’re going to make it worse. And you’ve already said you’re looking at what she’s posting on insta, tiktok, and twittter all the time. And that it upsets you because she’s not involving you. Stop doing that. Seriously. You’re going to drive yourself crazy just staring at her posts all day. And being mad at her for having her own life is controlling, even if you don’t think that you are. I don’t care that it’s 2022, it’s not healthy for you to be online following her every move all the time.
Your relationship is at most 2 months old. You’re way too invested in this at 24 years old.
Jesus. She’s obviously just busy with life and need to deal with her shit. No one can keep replying fast, being available for hours every day etc etc while living a life. You come of as insanely clingy, just give her some space to relax from all the work and all. She’s probably just tired.
I think you need to take a step back and give her a break.
People have days where they feel amazing and others where not so much. She could be feeling that independently from how she feels about you.
You’re coming off a bit overbearing. Ask how she wants to be supported and let her know you’re there for her when she’s ready. And if she gave you no reason to think the guy she met was suspicious, then I would let that go.
OP i’m an anxious person so i get it, but i was exhausted just reading this. She has a life! 1 to 3 hrs is not a long time. She cant text 24/7 or she’ll never get anything done. Plus, yes shes not replying but shes sending you tiktok clips so shes still talking to you somehow. You’re letting your anxiety control you. Maybe she doesn’t want to be on a calk with you while doing a quiz. People are allowed to have friends and i think it’s nice she even asked because she didnt have to ask to see a friend. It’s cool she knew it could make you worry and brought it up. She sounds great and if you push her away too much, she might cut her losses at only 2 months and find a guy who understands she has stuff to do.