I wanted to share my experience in the hopes that I could get some feedback!
A bit of context: I’m an introverted late 20s F & I look pretty young for my age. I’m of a normal weight. I’ve been told I have a young-sounding voice (I guess because it’s pretty high-pitched from being a soprano for many years). There’s nothing crazy about my physical appearance.
I’ve never had time to look “well put-together” but I’m not a complete mess either so I often go outside without makeup on and if I’m in a real time crunch I’ll throw on random clothes that range from long, plain black dresses to hoodies. Usually nothing too elaborate, sometimes admittedly frumpy.
I noticed something odd. Whenever I go outside, no matter where, people are just…weird with me. More specifically, it’s as if people (men and women alike) have less of a filter when they talk to me, meaning they seem to be either extra rude to me vs others, or if they’re nice they’re extra nice, and a lot of the time I feel…infantilized?
For example, one thing that has happened a few times: I’ll be waiting in line at a coffee shop I visit regularly, minding my own business and not talking to anyone. The other people in line sometimes take their time with their order or can’t decide, and nobody says a thing or reacts. When my turn comes, before I even open my mouth, some random person might say something like, “are you ready to order?!” Impatiently or right after I order another patron might point to where the orders are served & tell me “that’s where you pick up your order” even though I never asked / know that already.
This kind of thing happens a LOT. Just today I was in a fast food place eating in a corner and some middle-aged lady who was at another table with some people dropped the conversation with her friends and just STARED at me for a good minute with no facial expression… another girl did the same thing, also with no facial expression, when I entered the place. I wasn’t dressed weirdly or doing anything out of place.
It honestly makes me a bit uncomfortable and I can’t quite tell why people act weird with me. It’s like they’re expecting something from me. I try not to react.
Is it because I’m a woman? Is it because I’m quiet or solitary? Even the times I go out with my friends they point it out like “that guy was so rude/weird with you” or “that lady was looking at you” but they don’t seem to understand WHY. Does anyone else experience this?? And why do you think it happens?
4 comments
Do you have any examples of situations in which you are *not* questioned?
Perhaps that may help to reveal a pattern in a way singular examples of being questioned do not.
(By “questioned” I mean your competence is interrogated, denigrated or doubted by a stranger.)
I think you’re the kind of people that we feel safe around, so we take our freedom to do what we want.
What celebrity would you say you looked like?
Do you get hit on by men or women mostly ?
How would you describe your style,
Is is odd duck for the area you frequent?
Oh my god. That is the worst. I’m young looking too and it’s such a pain. People are both jealous and condescending, not to mention the decades of being underestimated.
But the weird vibe thing is something else. My spouse went through a phase (a positive weird thing) where passersby kept greeting him in a really friendly, interested way, when they were just walking past him–different types of people, too. Then after awhile it just stopped.
First, on a mundane level, I would suggest get your clothing choices straightened out. It’s not enough to explain what’s happening, but it should help at least a little. I tend to think in terms of persona work. Don’t just seek to look good, seek to project the character/persona that you want to project. It also makes life easier to have a cohesive wardrobe anyway.
Beyond that I’d suggest getting into some what would pejoratively be called woo-woo methods, whether new age, kinda pop psych or traditional. For example you could look into shamanic journeying. But whether you do or don’t, it will probably pass eventually. Hopefully.