I’m in a dilemma right now. I (M21) found out that I got accepted to the college that I wanted to go to and while I’m excited it’s pretty far away. It’s 3 hours from where I live and I’d have to move there. I really would like to go though because the college that I’m going to now completely sucks, it’s a private college and I have to pay 30K a year and I just don’t like the campus at all. The college I want to go to is about 10k a year but with apartment, grocery etc fees it’ll probably be the same amount but I’d be on my own and be my own person so it’ll be an amazing experience. I’d have less college credits there but I feel it’s worth it. I also have a really good friend there and some people from my job that are going there as well so I’ll know people there.
Meanwhile I’d be leaving my family that relies on me and my gf who I really like. I love the part time job I have now and the people I work with. I’d also miss my family a ton but they’d let me go but they’d be blindsided and sad. I’d be leaving my gf who I really like and I don’t want to end us but I know she’d leave too if it was her. Sometimes I’m just not happy in the relationship because I feel unwanted. I do know she cares about me and she’s going through a lot rn and I don’t want to add this on to her.
I just don’t know what to do, I’m so conflicted and there’s not that much time left for me to choose so the stress is getting to me. I’d just like some outside opinions.
TLDR; I don’t know if I should choose to go to my desired college that’s far away or stay here with my family and gf and keep going to a college I don’t like.
42 comments
You have the rest of your life to see your family, have this or any girlfriend, and work a part time job. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Go away to school.
>I’m in a dilemma right now. I (M21) found out that I got accepted to the college that I wanted to go to and while I’m excited it’s pretty far away. It’s 3 hours from where I live and I’d have to move there.
Just do it.
You will regret it if you decide to stay.
Go. Embrace the challenge and go.
Go! You will regret it if you stay. 3 hours away is not that far, weekend visits to (or from) family and girlfriend will not be hard to figure out or schedule. Good luck!
GO. You are far more likely to regret not going.
Also know that being on your own is an additional education. And it will help your parents slowly learn to be less dependent on you too.
And “3 hours away” made me laugh. When I went away to school it was more like 6 hours. And when my guy got a job and had to relocate the commute was between 5 and 6 hours. 3 is doable. But also far enough away that people are less likely to show up without checking in first.
Really, go.
Go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go
Don’t be dumb. Go to your dream school. People come and go but your education will change the course of your life. Choose wisely.
Go to the college! Anything that is supposed to happen will happen, and you will kick yourself years from now if you pass up this opportunity.
If you don’t go to this school & experience it, You’re going to resent your family & girlfriend because you feel like they’re holding you back
Go to the college! It’s three hours. That’s not too far. Youll realize if she’s really there for you based on this as well. Stay strong. Weigh out your pros and cons and follow your heart.
Look its not like you are leaving your family permanently. It’s only 3 hours away which sounds like a lot but isn’t. If you want to see your family or even your GF (don’t see the reason for you having to break up with her) then you can commute back on your days off to hang with them. That 3 hours is not super deluxe distance where your traveling cross country. It’s more as a couple towns over. This college is for you to better yourself for your future.
Sounds like a good opportunity. You still can make time to visit on weekends and holidays. I went to school 5 hours away and still had time. I have been in a relationship the whole time and we were able to see each other. They were able to visit me and we made time to call each other as well. Now I’m done with school and back at home and everything is good.
Is this a new girlfriend? Or the “girlfriend” from your previous posts?
College 10000% no debate
GO! Staying is a recipe for regret and disaster! If you feel destined to live in your home town, you can always go back. I think you know in your heart that this is the answer. GO! Start fresh, experience a new place, a new job, a new school. Click on the “Accept” link or however you need to do for your school and start packing up the stuff!!!
Definitely go! 3 hours is very doable. Right now, I am 6hrs away from my boyfriend, but I drive at least one 4 day weekend per month. And this isn’t permanent either. Finish school, and then you can figure out what your future looks like. For example, I just completed my first year long distance. I have two more to go, but after that I’ll be moving back home and deciding where to go to medical school. My boyfriend said that he would consider moving to wherever I go because at this point my location would be more permanent, vs right now completing undergraduate.
It isn’t really a dilemma, it’s just that the right choice isn’t the easy one.
Go to your desired college for sure.
No need to read anything past your title. Go off to college.
Go. Your family will only want what’s best for you and the opportunity you’ll have for growth sounds substantial. As for the gf….mate, you said you *love* your job and *like* your gf (which says ALOT) and that’d she’d go if it were her. This may be confronting and hard as it involves uprooting yourself and implementing drastic change but follow your heart. I don’t even know you and can feel you want to go. So go and live it up baby!
I went to a school that was 3 hrs away from my family, and saw them pretty much every other weekend. I’m graduated now and currently live an hour from my boyfriend, but I work a job that takes me out of town during the week at job sites between 4-7 hrs away, so I only ever see him on the weekends. And not every weekend, at that. Usually only twice a month. Living further away from people you care about makes the time you do get to see them that much more meaningful and valued.
As others have said, I think you should do it. It will give you the experience of being on your own, and it’s really a once in a lifetime opportunity. I turned down going to Hawaii for college because of my family, and I regret it to this day. Just go for it. 😊
Best of luck!
You’re unhappy at your current school and want to switch to one not only more affordable but an all around better experience? Go for it.
How long have you been with said gf?
As someone who spent a lot of my early days sacrificing opportunities for other people: go to your desired college. It will be most worth it in the end.
Go follow your dreams kid. You are at the cross roads of your young life and your adult life. Step through the door, the longer you wait the further behind you fall. This adulting thing takes time to figure out.
Ok, take this from a late 30s lady…….. go to your dream college. I lost the chance to go to another country for the university and CHOSE to stay for my bf, we lasted 12 years (from 16yo to 28yo) in the end he cheated and we broke it off..
I went to a local university, and met my incredible husband after I broke it off……still, I do think my life would have been better had I stuck to my original plan. That’s the one life choice I would definitely like to change. Never chose a person over personal growth….persons tend to let you down, especially young persons.
This is going to sound intense but it’s the best question for this situation:
Do you want to go out to college at age 21 and forge a new life with the experiences you’ll have on your own at the college you want to go to?
Do you want to start a life at age 21 with your current gf and stay nearby your family and have college experiences at a school you don’t really want to go to?
As a 19 year old I got accepted into the college of my dreams 10 hours from home and I didn’t want to leave at first, bf there family there, but I am glad I left. That guy ended up cheating on me anyway, and I still saw my parents on important festivals/events. Now that I look back I feel if I would have stayed I wouldn’t have been where I am right now in life and right now is a very beautiful place for me. I will say please go. You have an entire life ahead of you.
Go!!!
You don’t want regrets!
Look: you applied to that college with a purpose in mind. You knew all those problems at the time and I suspect it was a way of also getting away from something in your present life. Make your decision on what is best for your CV if you want a career. It’s not forever. It is clear you are also a bit tired of your relationship, although you are fond of your gf.
You need to go! You are so young and you have stated only reasons to go in all honesty. You will never get this time back and you will end up a grump git like me for letting opportunities slide by! You are so young! And on the relationship thing if you were 100% happy I would say talk about long distance but you shouldn’t feel alone in your relationship this might be a great move overall. Don’t be scared of change.
Go. Go. Go. Go. You’re young, this is what you should be doing right now. Get out on your own, meet new people, have new experiences. If your relationship is meant to be, it will withstand your separation . . . or, since you don’t sound very happy in it right now, it may be a good time to make a clean break before you go.
I didn’t read your story. I didn’t need to. GO TO YOUR DREAM SCHOOL. Go build your future first the rest will fall into place.
Go,go, go! This sounds like an ideal opportunity and something you should not miss.
Your family will come around and relationships at your age really isn’t that important as you’d like to think. Plus you’ll are having issues already as you said so this will be a great reason to start over.
PLEASE GO, we are rooting for you champ
You need to go to the school you want to go to.
Your family should not be relying on a 21 year old college student. They will find a way to take care of things and themselves in your absence.
At this age, you need to choose what gives you the best opportunities for your future and that is not your current school and situation.
I’ve been in a similar position. Go. If I could go back, I would. If she sees you as her partner for life, she’ll work around and meet you in the middle. If 3 hours is too much for her, then maybe you need to reconsider your priorities.
Go get your experience. Obtain your degree. Enjoy your life man.
You are in a critical place in your career. Your choices now will likely determine your living standard the rest of your life. My advice it to go and break up with your GF (ldr’s dont work).
Not going to that college will be a regret that hangs over your head. Especially because your reasons for staying are about other people’s needs, not your own.
You’re too young to be sacrificing your own best interests for the sake of others. You are not indebted to your parents, your girlfriend is not your family.
Go to the college.
Go and live your life! It sounds amazing!
Go – I can’t emphasise this enough. Go.
Always pick college over family and girlfriend. Family will still be there in 4 years. Gf probably won’t be there in four years whether you go away or not. But 3 hours isn’t that far.
We used to drive 3 hours to go skiing for a day trip. Leave at 5am, on the sloops by 8:30, ski all day, leave at 4 and be home by 7 or 8pm. 3 hours is doable for a weekend.
I read the first line and I have your answer. Go to college. Your family will still be there for you throughout college and after. If you and your GF are meant to be you’ll work it out. The reality is you shouldn’t not go to a college you want to go to for a relationship that is likely to fail (as almost all relationships are). Relationships will come and go but going to college with kids your own age only happens in one small window in your life, so take advantage of it.
Three hours away is nothing, I thought you were going across the country. My bf and I have been together 24 years and were together long distance throughout my undergrad.
If the relationship is meant to last, it will. If it won’t last through your degree, it’s not worth giving up your path for it.