I’ve been casually dating a guy (m28) for 5 and a half months. He lives on the opposite coast, and I’ve been seeing him for a week and a half each month when he flies here for work. We met when he was walking around my campus one day.
The issue is that I already feel emotional attachment with him because it’s hard for me to separate intimacy and time spent together from emotions. Maybe this is my fault because I’m not dating multiple ppl at the same time and am inexperienced. Whereas he can do that, and I see it in his nature to do that, as that’s what he’s always been doing. He’s always talking to multiple girls at the same time. He’s only been in 3 actual relationships up until now.
But for me, choosing to take time out for someone means that I want to spend time with that person and care about them to an extent.
I feel like he doesn’t take me seriously enough or respect me. If you take a look at my recent posts, there’s examples of how he’s been rude and inconsiderate to me.
So there’s two possible actions I will take since the status quo is not good for me. Option 1 is we part ways. Option 2 is that I change my mindset and inherent nature to instead care less and not go out of my way when it’s inconvenient to see him anymore. And then I can keep him on the hook long enough so that by the time I submit my law school apps this fall I can be like, bye, I’m going to great places, and I don’t want you to be part of my life anymore, as a way to get him back. This person’s caused me so much emotional distress, that it’s gonna have to be one of these two options I take. I wanted to care for him and like him, but he’s not letting me by how he acts
3 comments
You need to focus on school and not waste your time and energy trying to figure out how to keep him on the hook.
Part ways. You’re not holding a man on the hook, you’re holding a grenade. Why attach yourself to something that you know will cause you harm. He clearly does not take your relationship seriously enough to bother changing. For your own sake, let him off the hook (if he was ever on it) and walk away.
You’re not supposed to disconnect feelings from intimacy, despite how normalized that is today it’s actually not a healthy behavior. It’s not that you’re only seeing one person or mindset is wrong or that you’re inexperienced, it’s because you have healthy emotions.
He doesn’t respect you, he sees you a fwb for when he’s in town. He also doesn’t want a relationship, which now that you’ve caught feelings you want. Don’t blame any of this on him because he never wanted a relationship, you wanted a relationship now that you caught feelings.
When you’re dating you should filter for compatibility first i.e. can we get into a relationship together, do our futures align, location, family plans, etc. You are very clearly not compatible as you live in different places and have different future plans like law school.
Healthy relationships are built on compatibility then attraction then feelings in that order. You currently did attraction than feelings without any compatibility.
If you’re going to law school in a year you should probably just stay away from dating for the time being, or your just asking for heartbreak.