I’m an American, and I’m trying to help my friend who immigrated here, but the only things that I can think about that are stereotypically American are
1. Baseball
2. Apple pie
3. Bald eagles

I need ideas! How do I make him a full fledged American?

24 comments

  6. 1. Whatever the hell you damn well please.
    2. See number one.

    >I need ideas! How do I make him a full fledged American?

    He already is one.

  7. Every time I take a breath, I breathe in American air. Then my heart pumps that American air all throughout my body. You need five? .. .. .. .. .. there’s five right there. Five heart beats

  8. Not top 5 American activities. Just 5 all American activities that are fun to show someone from other parts of the world.

    – Go to a college/highschool/minor league sporting event with local fans.

    Bonus points for tailgating / eating venue food / buying team merch.

    – Go to a few supermarkets.

    Take a tour of what’s available in your area for groceries that extends beyond convenience stores.

    Bonus points for showing off our pharmacies.

    – Go camping and hiking at a national or state park.

    Bonus points for remembering we have real wilderness and for paying attention to park rules and asking rangers for advice.

    – Go to an airshow/car show.

    Museums and concerts work too, but pay attention to the flavor for if they’ll be different or something they may have seen before.

    – Have a cookout/potluck/bonfire with some friends/neighbors.

    Or go to a religious service with a potluck afterwards (or just out to eat at a restaurant after the service)

    —–

    Big edit note: take a drive around and talk about what seems normal to you on your way to any of these. Even better if you take a road trip to get to some of those activities listed above.

    Also: Go to whatever local real diner you have. Bonus for also hitting a waffle house along the way.

    ——

    Other big edit because I missed it in your text at first:

    > How do I make him a full fledged American?

    If they immigrated here, then they’re a full fledged American. You don’t have to do anything.

  9. 1. Hunting
    2. Fishing
    3. Shooting
    4. Packing up the kids and the boat and heading out to the lake for the weekend. So toss in tubing, water skiiing, and a whole lot of drinking.
    5. We also have ATVs and dirt bikes out at our lakehouse.

    That’s pretty much one weekend a month for us. Depending on the season of course.

  10. Jeeping/offroading, baseball of course, bar hopping, food traveling, river rafting, smoking herb legally, BBQs, house parties/backyard boogies, outdoor shooting/skeet, and going to eclectic/ niche museums. Harbor cruises. Wine tasting. Concerts of all types everywhere.

  11. He’s already a full fledged American since he chooses to be one of us, but some fun all-American things to do to welcome him:

    Go to a college football game at a big state school, and show him the full tailgate experience.

    Do a road trip in the western half of the state to see some of the quintessential national parks. Maybe Grand Canyon, Sequoia, Yellowstone, Yosemite, Glacier, Zion… the list goes on (not all at once, though!)

    Go to a county/state fair and try all the absurd fried foods.

    Take him to set off some fireworks on the Fourth (bonus if they’re of questionable legality).

    Take him to eat some really good regional barbecues. You can probably tell my bias based on my flair, but show him Texas, Carolina, and Memphis styles too.

  13. It’s funny, if a foreigner came on this sub and even remotely implied that American culture involved shooting guns, eating fried food, watching TV, or going out to chain restaurants, they’d be ripped to shreds.

    Meanwhile here on this thread it’s like “YEAH TAKE HIM TO WAFFLE HOUSE AND THEN A PHARMACY”

  14. Tailgate party before a football game. Drinking out of red solo cups. Going to a county fair. Firing a gun. Making a go-fund-me to pay for a life saving medical treatment.

  16. Can’t come up with 5 off the top of my head but here’s a couple. BBQ and/or tailgating, and you better include red solo cups. Shooting guns at a range (or out in the middle of nowhere if you know a good spot and have your own.)

  17. 1. Go to Vegas or Disney. Really any place that is completely manufactured. Any theme park. Six Flags, Universal, Dollywood.

    2. Day drinking at the lake. Start your day with Bloody Mary’s, Mimosas, Irish Coffee.. or just start pounding tequila at 9 am – who cares! End it however you like. Whenever you like. Could be 3pm, could be 3 am. That’s the fun of day drinking!

    3. Cheat at Monopoly

    4. Burn or undercook a ham or turkey for a big holiday meal

    5. Light off fireworks for no apparent reason. 2 pm on a Tuesday? Light em up. Midnight on a Friday? Why you starting so early.

    6. Road trip! Minimum of 3 hours away, preferably longer. Just get in the car and drive to a land far far away, singing loudly to whatever is on the radio.

    7. Find an absolute shit of a job with a complete knob as a boss. Get fired for some ridiculously stupid reason, like not wearing enough flair. Or quite deservedly after a glorious raging meltdown on the Karen of all Karen’s.

    8. Have your identity stolen – that’s pretty ubiquitous American. Banking security is so much better elsewhere.

    9. Celebrate a holiday for a religion, heritage, or country you’re not. Chinese New Year? Cinco de Mayo? A Scandinavian Midsomer. Hindu color festival. Guy Fawkes night.

    10. Protest. March. Fight for something. Lobby to save the park. Petition for signatures to review a development.

  18. 1. Drive thousands of miles to eat at McDonald’s

    2. Speed (go well I’ve the speed limit) on a seven lane highway. bonus points if you also drive under the speed limit in the left lane

    3. Visit a national park and marvel at its beauty but trash it a little bit (I.e: put a bison calf in you car, burn down a Joshua tree, carve your name into arch rock)

    4. Light large and loud fireworks in densely populated areas

    5. Take public transit thats hot and smells like urine so you arrive at your destination late and sweaty

    Extra credit: Complain that the nation is divided politically and we need to come together. Then actively shit on anyone who disagrees with you

  20. School sports. Take them to a school game of any sport and watch their face at half time.

    Hmm, it really depends on age. You’ve said he’s male.

    So tell us more about him.

    I mean, doing donuts at a parking lot, probably not if he’s 65.

    Teenage typical things and older typical things are not the same typical things.

  21. Don’t forget a trip to Las Vegas. Have him get married by Elvis (bonus points to a stripper, for a quintessential military private experience), and a trip to Machine Guns Vegas to have a blast.

    College style heavy drinking party.

    Fireworks.

  23. Somehow finding yourself eating at a Denny’s at 1am

    Road trip either to go camping or to get away

    BBQ or grilling with other people

    Watching a movie/tv show/sport game/YouTube while eating the absolute most unhealthy food

    Doing whatever you want and it still being considered American.

  24. Camping, catch with my kids, hunting, college football, watching tv when i have the chance.

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