I’m thinking of limiting meeting people to a max of 2/month. I don’t want all my dates to run together and I’m not into playing the numbers game (although I understand the reasons to do so).
Am I alone in considering this or does anyone else have a similar rule?
(I’m newly coming back to online dating and don’t want to burn out or be jaded like many OLD profiles I see).
Edit: Thank you for all the replies. I appreciate having you all as a community as I try out dating (again). I found out today was my Cake Day as well! 🎂
32 comments
I see one person at a time, if that turns out to go nowhere, I continue my search.
Started old for the first time in my life a few months ago en this is what I feel comfortable with.
I don’t have a rule, necessarily, but I need time to recover from socializing at the best of times, so I do try to limit how many new people I meet.
Personally I’ve sometimes felt burnt out if I go on more than 3 first dates in a week. I think for me, 1 first date per week is ideal. If they’re second or third (rare!) dates, they can be mixed in with first dates.
I think that sounds like a reasonable rule, there’s no point in burning yourself out.
P.S happy cake day!
I would never do more than 1 per week. I also needed to make sure I had enough time to myself and time to spend with my friends/family.
I quickly know if I want to meet someone or not. I know what I’m looking for and I hate going on dates that usually leads nowhere, so I only meet a few men a year that I actually want to go on a date with. I’m picky AF, but I’m fine being single.
At first when I was single I went on dates every single week, gosh that was exhausting. Luckily it taught me what I was looking for and now I don’t have to spend all that time drinking coffee with strangers!
Now I’m just trying to filter them out online, which can be exhausting itself.
I mean, you do you. But that can also backfire. What if you hit your limit, then you randomly match on the 20th with someone you really like. Are you going to put it off for 2 weeks? Just ignore them?
I think sometimes, its just timing. I match with a decent amount of women. I don’t necessarliy want to meet all of them. But sometimes there will be multiple in a short time, and others there will be no one for a month, so I don’t have a hard and fast rule
I personally wouldn’t set an arbitrary rule of something like 2/month, because if say I met two people and already know I’m not interested (or they’ve indicated they’re not interested), and the month is not over yet, I don’t see the point of restricting myself to not meeting anyone else for the rest of the month. I don’t even date that much – I went on fewer than 1 first date per month last year. It’s just that I’m not into arbitrary rules.
Since I don’t use OLD, I rarely have more than one option a month! I tend to be like you, I want to give them at least a real shot
Yep mine is limited.
To 0/month.
Not my call though. Lol
I think it’s a good idea to limit the amount of people you’re talking to or going on dates with. I had the bright idea to rush through all the profiles in my city on a couple of different dating apps and ended up going on 5 dates in 2 weeks. This was a terrible idea because I couldn’t get to know everyone at the pace I would’ve liked to and I did cross my wires at least once or twice on the dates. Now I’ve burned through all of the profiles and not sure I got to know the people like I should have. Definitely take your time with these things.
Most people get burnt out from OLD and can’t see that they’re not doing themselves any favors. It causes you to dread talking to people and meeting up with them because you’re overwhelmed. Pat yourself on the back for figuring this out in advance.
I agree with you. Though I consider myself an intelligent person, I couldn’t tell you what I had for lunch three days ago. Let alone what the conversation was if I was talking and trying to build a rapport with 3 or 4 different people.
I try to keep at 2 people max.
I try for one at a time, and 1-2 a month, but I seem to be multi dating two at the moment by bad luck, although I expect one or both will nope.
No I don’t limit it but I do prioritize work and my fitness over going out on dates.
I don’t have any rules in dating like this, but I naturally will only really meet 1-3 new people a month because of how long it takes me to find a good match, actually have a conversation where they don’t flake or I don’t come the conclusion I don’t want to meet them, and then we finally go on a date. Then after that if it goes nowhere I usually don’t feel like swiping for a few days or if I do like them and want to see them again and vice versa then I just focus on them and see where it goes. The few times I’ve had 2-3 first dates scheduled around the same time one or all of them I wasn’t interested in another date anyway. Then every once in a while for various reasons I get sick of it and lose all interest in dating or swiping for a few weeks until the desire returns.
It’s a very slow process for me but it’s how I manage my energy and motivation. Again, no strict rules but just going by feel.
When I first rejoined the dating game/meat market I limited my dates to one per week. Having a routine is important to me
Personally, I’ve found it really hard to focus on more than one person. Some people are better at this than others, but it takes effort.
I’ve tried dating/talking to more than one person, and eventually end up getting confused between details in different people.
What’s really weird, and I dont know if other people experience this, but I cant seem to attach texting memories well to physically meeting someone. I’m always like “did we talk about x, or did I tell you about y?” Because I’ve already had the same conversation but mentioned it to different people through chat.
Not consciously but 2 a month is about what works for me too. Otherwise I start to feel resentful of the date before we’ve even met just for wanting my time, and it’s really hard to recover from that negativity. Then I’ve just wasted two people’s time.
Where I live we have Corona, I have been one one date in two years by now. Jokes aside, even if it’s true, I can’t focus on more than one person, if the chemistry isn’t there I move on pretty fast, no point in dwelling. But I don’t serial date.
Dating is nearly always a numbers thing.
If you want to find the right relationship it will most likely take many people. You may have to date 10, 20 or more depending on what you are willing to settle for.
If you only date 2/month, and what you are looking is 1/50, then it will take you 2 years of dating to find them.
Something to consider as part of the idea of limiting dates.
Usually I go out with 1 or 2 new people per week.
Shit…this whole TIME I had it wrong. So in order to date I need to meet people!?!? Sumbitch! No wonder my dating life sucks.
I try to not put all my eggs in one basket and have a few potential opportunities happening until I feel really certain about an individual. It keeps me from getting too ahead of myself, and getting too invested. It puts me in a mindset of “I’m meeting people and choosing the best fit for me” rather than “I’m trying to get this individual to stay with me,”
But I think the idea of having a limit is wise. There were times when I was going on three dates a week (different pandemic stage) and the problem was, indeed, feeling very jaded, as you say. No one treated me badly, but chemistry is VERY hard to land on and I just ended up on lots of platonic dates and feeling like I was never going to find the right person, like it was a needle in a haystack situation.
I have no idea what the right number is, it’s probably different for everyone, but I like the way you think.
I find a person I want to go on a date with once about every 4 months or so. I live in a small rural city.
It’s hard for me to meet any woman these days cuz their all bots trying to get me to go to some site and sign up!!!!!
>I’m not into playing the numbers game
I sincerely wish you luck, but I think this will be a difficult attitude if you’re using OLD. It is a numbers game whether you like it or not. This might sound dehumanizing but I don’t think it is. I’ve met lots of people I liked, but very few I really clicked with.
Absolutely. When I was doing online dating, I only went on a max of 2 first dates per week (but if I liked someone, I didn’t put restrictions on how often we could hang out).
It costs time, energy and money to meet someone new. I have a finite amount of all three each week, and prefer to prioritize myself and my friendships above random men.
My limit is currently 0 a month. I deleted all the apps. I’m just bored of OLD and not sure I really want a relationship right now anyway.
Rule? No. Natural limitations of being medium good looking and medium interesting? That’ll do’er.
Whatever you’re comfortable doing without feeling overwhelmed. I find that people are so unreliable, I like to keep a few irons in the fire. Even if I’ve got 5 chats going at once, only one or two are likely to result in a date. It seems to be feast or famine with matches though, and since I only have a couple free nights a week, I end up having to cull sometimes … sorry fellas.
I try to limit to 1 date a week so I can get properly excited and put energy towards giving the date a real effort. If I do any more than that I start feeling like I’m on job interviews and run out of “date energy” pretty quickly; people start to blend together/feel disposable and I’ve gotten facts and experiences mixed up.