The guy I lost it to was a nice, caring, gentle guy. We’re both 20 and he booked a hotel for us to do it. He listened and made sure I was comfortable and he cuddled me after and helped me dressed up. He’s gonna be leaving for the military this weekend and honestly, I feel bad bc after doing it, we didn’t meet up bc he’s been busy and has to meet up friends and spend time with family etc. He told me that he wants to be in a relationship
With me and he “loves me” but we’ve only known each other for under a week so I don’t believe that. He isn’t good at communicating like when texting, he replies late so i don’t see the point of being in a long distance relationship with him when I’d end up feeling lonely.
That’s why I think we should be friends but idk I feel like I should be in a relationship with him since he took my virginity or else I’ll feel dirty and guilty. I care about him and really enjoy his company and I’m fond of him but sometimes I think I like the idea of liking him and giving and receiving affection. He sometimes says things like “I don’t deserve u” and “Sorry if I disappointed you.” Idk what to feel or what to do . I feel sad that I can’t see him and he’ll b leaving for the millitary. Why does everyone leave me? Should I try being in a relationship with him Or should I just be friends with him?
TL;DR I feel sad and really bad after losing my v card to this guy I’ve been dating. We haven’t spent much time after that bc he’s been preparing to leave. He will be leaving for the military this weekend and asked me to wait for him cuz he’d like to be in a relationship with me but it doesn’t seem like he’s capable of giving me the attention or communication I’d need. How do I stop feeling bad after losing my v card to him . It was a good experience but why doesn everyone have to leave me?
Update- I talked to him in person and figured out that he was actually indeed busy and had a lot on his plate. He also didn’t use me . However, I got the impression he did due to lack of communication on his side and a fear of being used as well, which is something I have to get rid of or accept if it happens . He always has a really bad problem communicating and that’s why we decided to remain friends when he leaves for the military. I do think that what we had seemed to be a bit rushed but I’m grateful for the experience learned and for doing it with someone that actually liked and cared about me. It was nice while it lasted I guess. Big lesson I’ve learned is communication is really important in order to avoid misunderstandings and being a virgin or not doesn’t define me.
5 comments
Where did you get the idea that losing your virginity makes you dirty?
I understand that society has placed a worth on our virginity – but you are so much more than that. You are worth more than what your body can provide.
I will also say though for the future if you know you link worth or self respect to sex, just be careful next time who you choose to share it with because if a man is only looking to get laid it will affect your mental health afterwards.
Wow, there is a lot to unpack here.
1. Virginity is a social construct and has zero bearing on your worth as a person.
2. This guy isn’t “leaving you.” You knew he’s joining the military and you specifically went ahead anyway and started dating him knowing that he was leaving.
3. You’ve known each other less than a week and he’s already telling you he loves you? HUGE red flag.
4. You don’t care for this person that you barely know. He is a total stranger at this point. IT HAS BEEN LESS THAN A WEEK. Just move on.
5. Do not tie yourself to this stranger in hopes of a relationship when he will have no time for you as he is beginning his enlistment. That’s just a terrible idea.
As others have pointed out virginity is a social construct. You don’t ‘lose’ anything the first time you have sex – you’ve just made the choice to have sex. You will continue to make that choice many times in your life.
Did you know the actual purpose of the hymen is so that baby girls don’t get stool up in their vagina causing infections? Nothing to do with ‘virginity’.
You slept with a shitty guy. Unfortunately it happens. He’s love bombing you in the first week and trying to confuse you – these are classic examples of the type of person who will become abusive.
You do not want to be in a relationship or friendship with him. Block him and forget about him immediately.
I know it doesn’t feel like it but you have so much life ahead of you and you’ll meet so many people. You may have sex with some of them and regret it. The important thing is to maintain your self respect and only have sex when you want to.
You don’t need to be in a relationship with this guy just because he is the first person you had sex with. If you want to just be friends, you can tell him that. He might not be interested in being friends, and that’s okay. But don’t date someone you don’t want to date!
Having sex with a guy you don’t end up dating long term doesn’t make you “dirty” or bad. Tons of people don’t stay long term with their first sexual partner! I’m very happily married, and I didn’t date the first guy I slept with for very long.
His behavior (saying he loves you really soon, constantly saying he doesn’t deserve you) is not great. He might have good intentions (or not! Idk), but it doesn’t sound like he has the maturity and emotional intelligence for a relationship. If you’d be happier NOT dating him, then don’t date him!