Hello Reddit! long time lurker first time poster, i apologize if formatting is weird i’m on mobile
I (22F) don’t know if i like my best friend (22X) anymore
i’m not even sure if there’s a question i have i’m more just looking for speculation
My Best Friend, Let’s call them Sam, and i have been super closed since we were 12, we met the first day of Year 6. Since the day i met them i was platonically in love, i wanted to do and be everything with them. we spent hours drawing up blue prints of our house we were gonna build, we made plans for our future together, they’ve been my partner in life for as long as i can remember.
I don’t really have a reason why i don’t like them anymore. in fact i desperately wonder what it is that makes me frown when they come up on my TL. We share a deep love for horror movies, we experimented with psychedelics together and that made us even more close, we both buy concert tickets without asking the other first. after their group of friends cut them off i introduced them to my group of friends and they’ve been apart of it ever since (4 years now)
But something about them, all the way back to when i met them made me feel on edge. at first like back in grade school i figured it was because i was really weird and a loner and they were super popular and preppy but that never bothered me. i’ve never been able to put my finger on it but i always feel like they would judge me for almost anything. like i once was so anxious to open a bag of their chips at their house that i offered them 5 dollars (the cost of the chips ) to open it and they were like ??? you can just open it lol what??? i spent every single day with them and i had the best time doing it and now i lie when they ask to hang out. i feel awkward hugging them, always have, i feel weird about asking them for things, i basically just want to cater to them and yet i am so anxious even asking them to put in the slightest bit of effort. And i do not know why, considering they’ve tried to make it clear that they love me and they’d never judge me and that they’re always here for me but idk.
i can’t cut them off because they are in my friend group, they are ingrained in my life but i dread them asking to hang out. (except, when we do hang out, it’s a good time besides the slightly on edgeness ). i moved away about a month ago and it was sudden but while all my other friends were supportive and excited for me, they told me that they didn’t like how i was just leaving it felt sudden and i don’t tell them about it even tho i didn’t really know about it too much either. since then i haven’t missed them at all and it’s almost a relief but i move back in a few months and idk if i want to continue being their friend
my newer close friends make me feel so good and comfortable with i could dance my ass off or do something risky and stupid and they would love me and make sure i’m safe. when i go to the club with sam we stand around and sometimes dance a little if the songs good, we move together, we go get drinks together, we go to the restroom together. but i’m not dancing how i wish i would be. with my much newer best friend/friends, i shake ass i have fun i can wonder off by myself without it being a joint decision. idk i just feel good and confident
i just want to know why i hate my bestfriend when they’ve never done anything super shitty to me. my new friends say that samkinda a dick for like small thoughtless things they have done. but otherwise everything is peachy so what’s the problem
TL;DR i hate my best friend but they haven’t hurt me and i don’t know why i don’t like being around them
1 comment
Reading this made me realise I feel like this around a lot of people! Sometimes even exes I had, and my current bf sometimes (mostly cause I live with him in the apartment he owns and I feel like I shouldn’t be comfortable here even after living together for a year and a half). Thinking about it made me realise that it’s probably not even a them problem, but a me problem. We don’t always have control on how we feel around certain people. I know it’s a difficult situation, but distancing yourself may hurt Sam if you’ve been friends for so long. Have you ever tried to sit down with them and talk about it? You don’t need to stay friends after the conversation, but it may help you understand why you feel this way, while still treating them like a person and an old friend…for old times sake. Ask if they ever feel like that as well. People grow apart and it’s only natural. You are allowed to stop being friends and saying ‘im sorry but I feel like I have grown apart from you and I would appreciate it if we end our friendship here’. Keep in mind that your happiness is the most important and if you found better friends they make you feel good, then take that path.