Me (m20) and my gf (f22) have been together for 3 years. We were each others first time. We live basically togehter (neighbours) since we moved to the same place for uni, the future is looking bright.
We have an amazing relationship, we really love eachother.
We have been sexually active for roughly 2/3 years together, we had a good sex life, although I have not been very good at making her climax (not due to lack of trying), I have asked her what she likes/wants, but she doesn’t know (She almost always climaxes, but she has to help, like flicking the bean whilst were at it).
She is very religious, and found out she would like to wait for mariage, since she feels it is wrong to have sex before, and doesn’t regret having done it, but doesn’t not regret it (weird ik) we have been non-sexually active for 1 year now, and only go as far as cuddling and kissing, with minor touching. We have slipped up once, at a party, where she wanted to be together, but then regretted it later.
I have a very high sex drive, I don’t wan’t to, nor do i believe I can wait anymore.
I love everything about our relationship, but I don’t want to get married for sex. I am seriously considering marrying her, I feel like she will be “the one that got away” if i don’t marry her. But at the same time I would marry her now for sexual reasons, instead of waiting a few years, and marrying her solely because of love.
I believe that the only problem in our relationship is sex. She is also not masturbating, due to her feeling bad afterwards (we think hormones), she also sometimes felt this way after sex. I have never pushed her in any way to have sex, and we have always done it, when we where intimate.
Do i marry her, even though it would be hurried due to the lack of sex, do I wait till the right time (if I can), or are we just not compatible?
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TL;DR:
Happy with girlfriend in 3 year relationship, have great sex life for 2 years. Gf want’s to wait for marriage, 1 year later I can’t wait anymore. Don’t want to marry her for sex, but feel the lack of sex is the only problem in our relationship. What do i do?
26 comments
Marrying for sexual needs always works
/s
Talk about Bait & Switch. If she can turn her sex drive off this easily, she can do it again. If she is doing this to trap you into marriage, she is borderline evil.
And how else will her religion impinge on your personal life?
BY the way, if you do not love her enough to marry after 3 years, you never will.
Sounds like you two have grown apart and are no longer compatible. Either you can get down with her boundaries or you can’t. Both are fine.
I feel like she also has some serious religious trauma and i feel like that may not go away once your married. Im a firm believer that life shouldnt ever change before or after your married it should be exactly the same with the obly difference being that youve both confirmed your commitment to each other. I personally dont get good vibes from people that say wait for marraige type things as I feel those people like to save things till after your married which some times those traits are dealbreakers. As ive seen plenty of people that think marriage will some how make everyrhing more magical or fix some problem.
I guess my question is are you religious? If not I doubt the religious stuff will tone down after marriage.
If she doesnt like sex and is happy with the low sex then id bet you could be in for a dead bedroom situation ahead after marriage.
Also you should only ever be getting married if you are both ready and sure its the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with not for any other reason.
She’s either not very sexual and was putting up with it to keep you attracted for the first couple of years or she’s no longer attracted to you sexually but has decided you’ll do as a husband.
Either way, I don’t understand why you would consider marrying her just to get a fuck.
And what happens if she is indeed not interested in sex, ever, and you end up married to a woman who refuses you for ever more?
Don’t be a mug. Find a woman who will satisfy you without blackmailing you into giving her a wedding ring. Because this is what she is doing.
It would be one thing if you guys never had sex in the first place, but it seems like she arbitrarily is either holding it over your head to push the relationship forward, or she never wanted sex with you in the first place and is using it as an excuse. It’s manipulative either way, and not a good indication of what will happen if you do actually get married and have kids.
Guilt after sex is not a good sign man there are deeper issues she doesn’t want to disclose or face
Tell her you need to break up and why. Ask her if she is going to feed then starve her next BF in order to get her marriage box checked (I don’t actually suggest you say this but that sounds to me like what she is doing).
Sorry OP the likelihood of marriage being a magically fix that instantly leads to a healthy and regular sex life seems _very_ low. I think this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed now – further discussion, therapy, etc., or via breaking up.
You dump her and only date atheists from now on. They won’t wait until marriage. Because it’s stupid.
You are young so I can 100% see this from your perspective. It seems valid. Now as I am about to say and several other comments have said. Frankly this is not natural or normal. This is a HUGE red flag. If she can turn it off and on this easily you will probably never have a satisfying sex life. You are way to young to waste your time on a situation like this. It’s time to pack your bags and find someone a little closer to the current social norms you can enjoy your time with.
I am a nasty old dog. She simply stopped because you are not attractive to her anymore.
Don’t kid yourself.
Sex is not just an “only” problem – it is a vital issue in any couple’s life.
>>She almost always climaxes, but she has to help, like flicking the bean whilst were at it
Just so you know, this is totally normal for women. Most, if not all, women require clit stimulation to have an orgasm during PIV.
Marry her and live your life my bro. Don’t hesitate!!
Dude you’re 20. You shouldn’t even be thinking of marriage. End this and date around and enjoy your youth.
I’m sorry but marriage most likely won’t help. Maybe in the short run, but what happens when she decides to no longer have sex after marriage. It’s pretty common especially after children. I’d have a heart to heart with her and talk about your/ her needs. Most likely it’s time to break up and move on. Good luck
Talk about shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted. It’s a bit too late for not having sex until married.
Heads up this post might be long:
As my name suggests I am a Christian by reading your story it’s pretty clear that there is a battle inside her. One side battling for you because she loves you and she wants to please you but her Christian upbringing is the other side and she knows as a Christian Sex before marriage is very wrong so that’s the battle that she going through. I went through something similar to your story my wife before we were married had that same battle going on (Yes we had Sex before marriage) I wasn’t a Christian at the time and neither was she (not really anyway) so going through everything your experiencing and now seeing it from the other side as a Christian this is my advice. The problem is not Sex it’s way way bigger the problem is she wants to take Christianity more seriously and it sounds like your not a Christian why is this a problem and not sex well that’s because we believe God created Sex for us to enjoy and fact there to books in the Bible dedicated by a couple and it’s full of explicit foreplay and intimate sex that is what marriage is about (SEX) the wife is call to give her body to her husband and the husband to his wife because they are one (unified) sex in marriage is one of the most beautiful things about marriage but outside of marriage is taking Gods gift of Sex and stepping on it (you might disagree with this but as yourself how many mom are out there raising a child on there own because the Father ran out on them? With marriage that would not be an issue) all that to say Sex shouldn’t be the issue after you get married in fact a Christian wife should always have herself available for her husband and that goes both ways sometimes it’s the guy with the low sex drive. So the problem is that your not a Christian but she is that means she will have a different view on almost everything what kind of tv shows/movies to watch what kind of music to listen what kind of books to read you might what her to wear provocative clothes because that’s the new style but she might not want to because the Wife’s body is meant for the husband eyes only and if all that you can agree on here come the real challenge what happen when you have children what do you teach them what happens when you wanna teach them one thing and she wants to teach them another then you add the pressure of both your parents and her parents driving you to do different things and all is the reading I’ve mentioned here can go a million different directions and not of them good it will be nothing but a mess even the Bible warns against this to not marry anyone with different beliefs because our beliefs will revolve around every we do and think and say. Here is my solution the only way you’ll have a happy (HAPPY) life with her is simply if you convert to a Christian but please hear me don’t do this just to be with her if that your case I would recommend breaking it off do this for your own sake watch a movie called The Case For Christ it saves you the time of reading about 10 books and really do your own research not for anyone else but yourself look up what it takes to be saved just search out for God The Bible says for those Search with a humble heart will find him. If you go through this journey and decide to become a Christian (again not to be with her but because YOU want to know God it’s a personal relationship) then you will see a hole lot more clearly I promise you you will exactly what to do Good luck my Friend I’ll keep you in my prayer I hope everything works out for you and your Girlfriend P.S I’m new to this platform I don’t know if you can private message me but if you can I would love to talk with you and help you more on your journey 👍
The most sex you will ever have in a relationship is the six months leading up to your marriage date. It ain’t gonna get better.
Cut your losses. The celibacy experiment is over and the results are in. Your GF gets along very well without sex or even masturbation. Perhaps better that with it, as she claims it makes her feel bad rather than pleased or even just relieved. She did not end sex to pressure you to marry her. She ended it for her own purposes, and whether she’s explained them to you (or even to herself) properly is irrelevant. And knowing that marriage will obligate her to resume sex, you very likely face endless delays if you pursue it.
Get married. It solves the problem
Personally, I view being extremely religious and not being religious as a serious compatibility issue. Maybe you believe in God, but it doesn’t sound like you believe in bs scripture, that with what sounds like an evangelical?
Or..sorry I have to say this, but from your post, maybe just doesn’t enjoy sex with you and you two are sexually incompatible as well and the religion thing is an excuse for her sexual problems. If so you shouldn’t expect your sex life to get much better after marriage.
You shouldn’t marry her and go find someone else. Your still in your early 20’s and I also had an extremely high sex drive until I was 26 then it leveled out and wasn’t as distracting. The religious stuff is her prerogative you can’t force her to do anything but you can control the relationships you want to maintain. As long as you try there will always be a good fit for you out there, “the one” is just a fairy tale.
You shouldn’t get married at 20 at all for any reason lol
Dude, you’re 20 years old. Are you insane? Do not get married this young. Do you already have your career and life goals in line? You don’t even know who you are yet and you’re thinking about getting married? The divorce rates are at 50%. Please, spend more time figuring out your own future before you try to build a family. If the only reason you’re considering it is for sex..just no.
Her decision may seem unreasonable but people are allowed to change their mind. If you cannot wait anymore then you should break up with her, because you can’t be in a relationship where you’re unsatisfied.
It will only hurt her more if you wait longer. If you really feel in your heart that she’s the one for you the than that’s a different story. If so I’d consider going to couples therapy.
Please understand that this doesn’t have to have a nasty ending. It’s okay for two people to want different things, even though it will hurt if you do break up.