My wife has always struggled to communicate about sex. After yet another awkward sexual experience with her where I felt left in the dark, a few days later I (again) begged her to articulate what she likes. She explained “I’ll have to put more thought into what I liked about you touching me down there” but then told me she doesn’t particularly enjoy oral or PIV, and doesn’t like me touching her clit or anywhere below it. She said she likes me touching her hips, breasts and butt.
I’m now at a loss as to how I can ever expect to have a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship with this person. She has generally struggled to give feedback in the bedroom and always projected an indifferent vibe about PIV. I know many women don’t particularly get off from penetration, but with her it feels like I can’t really expect to connect with her at all with genital contact. She seems to just want sexy massages. But that doesn’t really satisfy or arouse me after 15 years of marriage.
Any suggestions or insights?
14 comments
It’s called a divorce. Get one.
Let me try 😂
How did you wait for 15years to figure this out.
Yea. Divorce. Some thing tells me this isn’t your only communication problem, but it’s a big one.
15+ years in and this is where you are at, that sucks. Does she masturbate/ enjoy toys? Damn though, her sex life needs a full makeover.
15 years and this is where you are? Good god!
Leave. Don’t waste your life waiting for it to get better. If you are too afraid to leave at least find yourself a lover that enjoys sex. I wasted too much time on a woman that didn’t enjoy sex. You never get that time back.
Is this a more recent development or has she never enjoyed being touched down there?
I would say a sex therapist may help.
Did you ignore all the signs? Grown people that refer to their sexual parts as “down there” are always a red flag for me. We’re adults, we can and should use adult language.
My guy, time for a life change. OR. Accept defeat and shut off the part of your mind that wants more.
No winners here.
Touch her breast, ram all the four fingers in her ass and say hasta la vista baby…you can quote Shakespeare too I mean, up to you.
Op you need a sex therapist or your wife needs therapy to help unpack what is causing this or work out if this is just her preference. At least then you can make decisions about what you want or what you can compromise on
She needs a sex therapist or you need a divorce. What a way to live
So you don’t want to do the thing that turns your wife on and satisfies her?
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Because you would rather do the thing that satisfies you?
Have you two ever tried to explore each other with your hands? You mentioned erotic massage, so what specifically about those massages does she like?
Get a sex surrogate.