Wife admitting sexting with a coworker. She was able scrub the history on her phone, but I told her I would like her permission to do a whatsapp restore. She agreed. We were heading out of town for a few weeks and when at the airport she tells me she forgot her phone at work. She NEVER misplaced or forgot her phone. She has a work phone so would continue with trip.
I still plan to restore the whatsapp on her phone, but am wondering if the phone will ever turn up again, or if it was restored and scrubbed then re-restored (a perm scrub if that is possible).
She returns from seeing family in 1 week – we are chatting etc like normal, but am waiting for the other shoe to drop when she returns.
I can possibly work through the affair with therapy, but not a cover up deceit.
33 comments
She was meeting up with coworker. You dont sext with someone you spend more time with than your spouse and NOT cheat. Start documenting so you can sue both of them for alienation of affection.
Then her phone will have mysteriously disappeared from the job while she was gone. And she’ll have conviently forgotten the log in info so no redownloading and restoring it on a new phone. Why is all this happening? Because it wasnt just sexting.
I guess my question is, do you want to see everything? She admitted to it. So, if you are wanting to continue with the relationship. Here are my thoughts on what you should do. When you get back go to an attorney, and get a post nuptial agreement. This should focus solely on infidelity. It should describe what it looks like. In this if she cheats again, it will give you 100% of the assets gained in the marriage, if you have kids, full custody and child support, in addition to your recieving alimony for a set period of time.
The problem with marriage counseling, and all of that there is no consequence to her doing it again, if she is truly remorseful. To me she will sign this in front of an attorney and agree to the terms.
In addition to this she removes all social media for a set period of time, and you have full access and cronyism of it. This is to rebuild trust.
Have a friend/family member call/text her personal #.
Stop talking to her like normal.
Also, have divorce papers ready for her on the kitchen table when she gets home. She didn’t lose her phone. Tell her she has one chance to bring the phone and tell the entire truth.
Because it went much farther than sexting
to boot, she explained her expanded lingerie collection as her secret stash for when she self pleasures which she says is often. I’ve never seen or suspected her of this, like almost the last person.
In her explanation of an affair she downplays the sex to oral, then just aborted oral, and discloses she masturbates in secret and the lingerie was for her.
I think I am being snowed but my love/trust blinders are still on. I feel like part Colombo and part 3 stooges.
Update me please
Updateme!
Yeah go ahead and meet with a lawyer. Missing phone? C’mon now.
You work through this and can end up going back through it years down the road. I’d be going to an attorney when (or if) the texts come back.
Also sorry to say, there is a chance she’s acted it out. She might have admitted the easy stuff and omitted the worst.
What is on that phone is to incriminating for her to let you see! So it will now get stolen or lost because it could be so incriminating that it could end your relationship?
How you found out about the sexting might be an important detail – did she fess up out of the blue or did she crack under inquiry? If she brought this to you on her own, there’s more reason to think you have all/most of the story than if she was partially caught and had to concede some sort of admission. Tough tough situation either way.
I’d not take any chances and take it to a professional to see what they can recover, more than just the app. That’s if the phone shows up
Be careful, next thing you know, her coworker goes missing.
I understand that every single person is different so take this as you will. When I found out my ex was cheating he immediately pulled out his phone and deleted the apps in front of me after I asked to see him phone. That way I could never see the messages and how many women he was cheating on me with and then he continued to do it in lied about it. She is more than likely hiding something, that’s why she did it on WhatsApp and then conveniently left her phone. Try giving her a change to tell you everything, at least she admitted it. In my opinion if you would like to work this out she and you would both need to be completely open and honest and set expectations for the future and keep them in place and work towards your marriage.
It disappeared because it was a full blown affair.
You can always ask her to take an infidelity polygraph and gauge her reaction. Some people get a parking lot confession. You can also take a look at the infidelity and reconciliation sub-Reddits. Watch out for the gaslighting and trickle-truth. Having an attorney in your back pocket is a good idea. Good luck.
Do you really believe that ? Just answer that only.
About WhatsApp restoring, when you sing in with the new device it will ask to restor on the first or second step. Do it then before your wife wipe out the backup.
Also by letting tings go under the bus mean validation. I did it once nothing happened let’s go a one step ahead. Best of luck. Be careful
For me its grounds for divorce
Updateme!
It doesn’t even need too go further than sexting for it to be a deal breaker. Sexting other men whilst in a relationship is still a massive no from me. I wouldn’t do it too her, so wouldn’t accept her doing it too me. Bye bye cheater.
My suggestion would be to tell her that her loss of her phone at such an inconvenient time is simply unbelievable. That you will proceed as if her phone would prove the worst and therefore you’ll move forward with divorce.
The burden is on her to change your mind.
At this point whatever you think is in the messages probably is so seeing the phone is not as important. You can assume the worst and her phone is her way of proving its not as bad as you thought, so without that do whatever you would do if she was fucking this guy daily.
*I can possibly work through the affair with therapy, but not a cover up deceit.*
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You can work through her fucking someone from her work but not her lying about it?
You will be a fool if you stay in this relationship despite so many red flags. She knows how to make a fool out of you and you are behaving like a doormat by enabling her behaviour
I never understand these posts.
Your wife cheated. Now she’s lying. Ask yourself what “seeing the proof” gets you? Either go to counseling and deal with the infidelity or nope out of there. Do you think you can ever get trust back? If you will be requesting to read her phone all the time, you have your answer.
If she comes back and tells you that she’s lost her phone (forever), tell her ‘not to worry, she can take a Polygraph Test’. Watch her face. That should tell you all you need to know. If she manages to bluster through that one. Wait until you know for sure that she’s got nothing planned and just spring the test on her. It absolutely doesn’t matter that you haven’t got one booked. Tell her the time of the test and arrive in a random downtown car park half an hour early. Tell her that you should both wait in the car. That’s when you might get your ‘Car park confession’. Have someone (very reliable) phone you five minutes before the appointed time informing you that the test has had to be cancelled due to a more urgent case.
One thing that you can be sure of OP. The affair will not be over. It will continue with a revised MO to make sure that they don’t get caught out again. Good luck.
Restore the data if you can but regardless, break up with her.
Whats wring with you people?
She’s is lying and gaslighting. Are you really going to be able to trust her at all?
Just tell her you’re going to act as if it were a full on physical affair unless you see proof otherwise. If she did less than that her phone will magically appear. If it doesn’t show up, you know she’s done the deed.
Pfft she hid that phone where she believes you won’t be able to find it and force the issue. She’s hiding something major beyond sexting. End of.
It would be the end of the marriage for me due to her willingness to deceive me further. I refuse to play games about fidelity.
You already know what this means, and part of you doesn’t want to know it because it means turning your life upside down. Take your wife to a quiet private space and look her directly in the eyes and ask her point blank what she is hiding from you. If she breaks eye contact, your worst fears will be confirmed. Don’t say another word. Just remain silent and let her stew until she can no longer tolerate your silence. She will begin to confess in trickle truth fashion. When she does this, just repeat the phrase “show me”. This could take days, so stay strong.