This incident happened a while ago but it still has a lingering effect. Me (41m) & my wife (40f) are both competitive & both enjoy having bragging rights against each other. I’ll preface this by saying we had an agreement where we wouldn’t bet directly against each other when playing poker at a casino or a card hall if we could avoid it.

So we’re playing in a relatively small poker tournament ($100 buy-in) & 1st place is going to take home about $4,200 while the top 7 players will all cash out with at least $350. We both make it to the final table with 8 players left. The next hand is dealt to everybody & I look at my hand & see that I have a pocket pair of queens (QQ) pre flop. My wife simply calls the original bet before the action gets to me with a few other players doing the same thing she did. The betting finally gets to me & I make a substantial raise that was 3x the current pot amount. My wife & another player called my bet while everyone else folds. The flop is dealt out the flop & it’s queen, four, four (Q44). I have now flopped a full house, queens over fours (QQQ44) so I know that barring a miracle, I’ve won this hand. Before I can even bask with my monster of a hand, my wife goes ALL IN & shoves all of her chips to the middle. The other player left in the hand immediately folds at this point. Now everyone is looking at me & just about everyone at the table knows that we’re married. Before I could stop myself, I immediately called my wife’s bet even though we’re the only 2 players left in the hand. In hindsight, I obviously could’ve just folded & let her win the pot. She smirks at me & says “Just go wait in the car honey, I’ll come out after I’m done with this tournament.” as she casually shows her hand, pocket kings (KK) revealing she has two pair (KK44Q). I then tell her to go get comfy in the car as I turn over my hand, revealing the full house.

You could hear a pin drop in that loud ass room as everyone realizes what I’ve just done. A guy sitting next to me whispers “You crazy son of a bitch…”. My wife had a look of pure disgust on her face. The remaining inconsequential cards are dealt & I won the pot while also eliminating my wife in 8th place meaning she didn’t win any money. I would go on to win the tournament but the damage was done.

My thoughts are that since I started the action pre flop, by default my wife should’ve recognized I was the initial person to start the action. My wife still feels that I should’ve folded once I knew her chip stack was in jeopardy, especially since we were the only two left in the hand & by eliminating her when I did I also knocked her out of winning any money in the tournament.

Since this incident my wife doesn’t really play any games with me though. I did rub it in her face on a 7 if we’re using a 1-10 scale tbh. I miss playing with her but I don’t feel like I was in the wrong.

44 comments

  1. It would literally be cheating (collusion) if you folded to her because she’s your wife. The only thing you did wrong was slowroll her and gloat. (You should have flipped your cards over immediately upon calling.) Apologize for that. Otherwise she’s a big girl and she should get over it.

  2. Your wife is being childish and immature. You were kind of stupid to rub her face in it though come on man you know better.

    The reality is she limped in with pocket kings, shame on her. When you three back you announced you had a big hand.

    She shoved all in which you could argue violates the going head-to-head rule because she was assuming you didn’t have a big enough hand to call.

    Her sloppy play and her desire to shove you out of the hand or beat you is what led to her getting her ass put on the rail.

    Give it some time she did this to herself. That doesn’t mean you’re not going to pay the price. Congrats on winning the tournament.

  3. How do you get her to play cards again?

    First question, was she playing cards because she likes the game or the smack talk?

    If it’s because she likes the game, and she wanted you to throw the tournament, then advising her that would have been an improper/ potentially illegal/ get you banned forever move should work.

    If it’s because she likes the smack talk to emasculate men, good luck and good bless; she won’t ever be that great and cards and got her ass handed to her on her sass

  5. I’m sorry but she talked smack first and it’s not like you said anything especially rude to her, you just redirected her comment.

    At the end of the day you’re a married couple and the money is going to be shared amongst you, so what this really boils down to is her bruised ego and over-competitiveness. She needs to remember this is just a game and to not take herself so seriously.

  6. So you didn’t collude in a tournament and played right, got more chips from her as firepower to help you win the tournament and share the money of which you would since you’re married and she’s mad? This has got to either be a troll post or your wife is a fool.

  7. There are plenty of newer games out there that are cooperative. You might want to look into some of these instead of poker.

  8. Fucked around and found out. Good for you.

    She tried to belittle you and embarrass you infront of the other players…but got the uno reverse card.

    Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, and all is far in banter and poker if you’re participating willingly.

  10. Don’t play if you can’t handle the loss. I never beat my dad in crib, and we played hundreds of times. You played your hand well – she is being a sore loser.

  12. Info: does she not play with you to punish you? Or does she not play with you because she realizes it makes her angry at you when she loses to you? Or does she not play now with you because you went to hard with the face rubbing?

    I think it’s just a thing where you need to sit down and communicate, talk about reactions and expectations once again after this

    Maybe like another suggested, find games where you guys are team mates and not opponents

  13. You shouldn’t have thrown the game, and she shouldn’t have asked. But my question is your 7 out of 10 rubbing it in her face. Was this just immediately after you won or was the next day or even longer?

    Smack talk and rubbing it in ceases being fun once one person isn’t have fun. Kinda like it’s not really a joke if the person you’re joking about isn’t laughing.

    If you kept up the rubbing it in her face long after she was no longer having fun then that’s why she doesn’t want to play. She just doesn’t want to deal with that again.

  14. She thought you should have folded simply because she’s your wife. That’s not how it works. Either play the game or don’t. Don’t expect special treatment because you’re married to one of the other players.

  15. When you raised, she should folded. At least she should have checked to you.

  16. NTA

    I am the “competitive” one in my relationship. I’ve always been hyoerclmpetitive, I am a sore loser AND a sore winner. Growing up I hated doing things with partners because I would never leave the situation happy. Even if it was something I didnt care about pike bowling or whatever. I wanted to win, I wanted to win without handicap, and I didnt just want to slightly win, I wanted to smoke out the competition.

    I was NOT that good at everything lol. She gotta get over it. It’s okay to be competitive, but if your gonna be a sore loser, you shouldnt play at all. And most tournaments ik would kick you both out for colluding if they found out your folded on a win to keep your wife in the game.

    Edit to add that is shes not playing with you because shes a sore loser than your gonna have to get over that. Like let the girl work on herself. That would be different if she wasnt playing with you out of spite for you talking smack afterward

  18. You both sound exhausting to be around. How about talking like actual adults? I purposely won’t play games with my husband, at least games like that.

    You both suck in this situation.

  20. I hope nobody who was in the tournament sees this, you just admitting to cheating.

  21. you two should sit down and just talk, communicate. try to agree that any games you play (or gambles you take) should not affect your relationship. you were just trying to win. yes, it may have been better to just fold.

    no matter what happened, you two just need to work on communication.

  22. Ah so you rubbed it in her face, but saved that until the end.

    So first, she shouldn’t be upset that she lost, you didn’t do anything wrong and if you are playing a solo game like poker, she can’t expect you to lose to help her out, and if she does, you shouldn’t play together.

    At the same time, I can appreciate being a little salty after a big loss and directing her anger at you, so long as it was mostly frustrated utterings (like we all do) and not name calling or yelling. I think we have all been sore losers to the extend that we told ourselves that the person who won was a jerk/didn’t earn it, but that’s a 5 minute feeling that should go away.

    She may have realized that she can’t handle losing to you, and so doesn’t want to play. She may not be able to separate your partnership from solo game play, and better for her to realize it. She probably realizes it more if you rubbed it in at a 7 out of 10 scale, demonstrating you are a sore winner, and no one wants to go home with one of those.

    I don’t think you can get her to play with you again until you realize your part in it. Yes she needs to be a graceful loser and realize you aren’t going to lose to help her, but if she knows that losing to you means hours or days of rubbing it in, I can’t blame her for not playing anymore.

  23. Are you sure that your wife isn’t just mad that she played KK like a donkey, and instead of trapping you, got trapped herself?

  24. As something of a poker player myself this is exactly what will make her feel better

    My love, it’s not my fault you’re a fish donkey hybrid, who the fuck plays pocket kings like that, instead of getting mad have you tried getting good?

  25. Find other things to play, like cooperative games or go do a hobby that is lower stakes.

  26. You two were playing with fire the moment you decided to both enter a tournament for a game that is not even remotely a team game. As someone else has said, what you both did was also technically a form of cheating. You both should have just agreed to play against one another equally instead of colluding and making up additional rules for each other.

    Also rubbing it in the others face is incredibly immature and in poor taste.

  28. Didn’t she just try to do the same to you? “Go wait in the car, hon” seems like she’d have brought up your “rule” and expected you to understand had the shoe been on the other foot.

    Honestly? Just let it go. Don’t bring it up, don’t try to fix it. You can’t reason with someone who is being unreasonable. You have nothing to apologize for and shouldn’t. Have you said your peace? Then drop it. Let her keep whatever energy she wants, that’s up to her at this point. She’ll want to play again eventually and if she really is going to double down and not then she values being petty over getting over it. What does she expect to happen next time you pull up to a table together? She’s using the money as her excuse when really it’s that you out played her.

    Invite her to go when you play and if she says no then go enjoy yourself. When my partner wants to play ridiculous “I’m never doing X again..” games I just say okay and go about my day. Usually it’s something that only effects him anyway. This only effects her. I’m guessing FOMO will eventually win out.

  29. So you two are colluding at live poker games, squeezing out other people.

    You ply wont get beaten up in low stakes games, but be careful nobody likes being taken adavantage of if you show that thread to the floorboss, youd be baned, Poker is no teamsport.

  32. You shouldn’t want to play with your wife going forward because 1. She is a shitty poker player to go all in with 2 pair after that flop and your huge bet and 2. Collusion will get you into trouble. If she wants you to let her win then play at home. She is crazy if she thinks she should get a wife pass when people are playing for money. It’s straight up cheating.

  33. You embarrassed her pretty bad. Not saying you did anything wrong at first, but then rubbing her face in it was childish and made the problem worse. I wouldn’t want to play with you any more either.

    If you truly don’t feel like you should apologize, you’ll have to live with the fall out of her no longer wanting to play with you.

    If her not playing with you is worse than apologizing, apologize.

  34. “rubbed it in her face at a 7 in a scale of 1-10”

    Abs you don’t see what you did wrong?
    You’ve no idea why she won’t play games with you?
    Absolutely nothing? Coming up empty there are ya?

    Honestly, you right. Idk why she’d avoid playing any games with you /s 💀💀💀💀

  35. Stop cheating at poker.

    I’m actually shocked they let you both play at the same table.

  36. One question. Why do you want her to play again? Every time you beat her it will be the same thing “you should have let me win.” Stick to playing with people who aren’t sore losers.

  37. First off you’re cheating if you do this fuck that.

    If you enter the same tournament you gotta play against each other

  38. It’s poker, are you supposed to fold a great hand, why even play the game then?? If you do that could be considered collision and cheating. I understand trying to be diplomatic when possible, but a final table at a poker game is not that environment. Maybe the comment back to her was unwise, but she was talking shit, (with a hand that was not a hand that warrants shit talking).

    Me and my girl are competitive as well, never money on the table, just bragging rights, so I get being a team over all and still trying to win, but she needs to put her big girl pants on.

  39. Hey. My husband and I used to play heads up for funsies. Maybe start with that. Also in tournament…shit happens, we’ve knocked each other out a few times. We thought of it as a win. We increased our odds by us both being there.

    I think your wife looks at this the wrong way. And you need to stop being a sore winner

  40. Fun story. I advise telling your wife “grow up and stop being a salty little kid”.

  42. I used to have a friend that I played card with and I used to refer to him as “neither a good loser or winner” I would classify your wife and yourself that way as well.

    You aren’t acting like these are “just games” perhaps you are better off not playing them?

  44. shouldn’t have rubbed it in, buy her something nice with the winnings though. the house took down the pot, if she wanna be a hustler she gotta learn.

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