She was angry at me because she thought I was ignoring her at a festival she took me. When we got home we started to have a discussion and she told me:
“Listen here, [deadname]… No, listen here, the_lírio. [deadname]’s my daughter. I’m [deadname]’s mother, not yours”
I genuinely was willing to solve the problem until she said that. I packed my things and left. I’m at my girlfriend’s house now, had a meltdown and cried for over an hour. I just stopped crying because I don’t have the energy for it anymore. I feel so, so invalidated right now. To think she could say such things for so little. I feel like I’ve always knew she believed it, but was in denial. My little brother and her were the only reason I could say I still had a family, and I only have him know.
I don’t know what to do, don’t know how to feel. I’m so tired. She messaged my girlfriend asking me to forgive her, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do this.
12 comments
Give it some time and space. It’s really good to go either very low or no contact with toxic parents when you’re your age. It allows both you and her to realize you’re a grown ass adult now and deserve to be treated with respect. Also helps establish boundaries for the future.
Family isn’t blood, family is who steps up for you when you need it and who *you* step up for when they need help.
i agree with mom sorry
I just want to say I love you and you don’t deserve that. And I think this is your opportunity to decide what you’re going to tolerate if this relationship continues.
I don’t think you should continue this relationship unless she is prepared to respect you fully for who are NOW.
I can fully understand that she also experienced a change and I’m sure she has some learning to do and adjustments to make. But I think as a parent, choosing to be a parent should mean accepting your child as they are, at any stage of their life.
Updateme!
You don’t have to forgive her. You might, and you might not. What she said was deeply hurtful and disrespectful. It doesn’t matter how angry you are, some things you’re just not allowed to say. This is one of those things. Take care of yourself and your girlfriend and let yourself heal. You are valid and your feelings are valid. Take care OP.
Non binary is not real
Just keep in mind, forgiveness is good for you. It simply means you get that she is human and can screw up and you let go of the anger over that event.
However forgiving doesn’t mean you have to speak to her. If you need to stay NC send her a letter saying you forgive her but you can’t forget and the stress she brings is no longer worth her presence in your life.
No matter what, be proud of who you are and don’t let the small minded hold you back. Do what makes you happy.
She doesn’t have to embrace your mental illness.
OP, I’m so sorry for these hateful idiots in the comments that you have to deal with on top of your hateful mother. Please stay strong, and know that she does NOT deserve your forgiveness if she is not willing to change. My dms are open if you ever need someone to talk to. I’ll be your queer mama hen 🐔
I am so sorry your mother was so hateful towards you. Ignore these ignorant comments agreeing with her or invalidating you. You are so strong and deserving of love and acceptance. Lean on your friends, brother, and girlfriend for support and hang in there. There are people who support you.
I hope you take this over to r/trans. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.
Hugs. If you need a mom talk, r/momforaminute is good.
But I’m a nb mom and i think you are valid and should be loved as your true self. Im sorry she said such harmful things to you