I (27F) think that maybe I’m overthinking how my bf (28M) talks about the future. I’m not really sure if him saying “I” includes me always. I tend to have my feelings hurt when he says “I want to buy a house soon” or “I want to move here”. Basically anything that could involve me in a possible future with him (kids, marriage). I think I tend to say “I” out of worry of feeling crazy.
Sometimes he’ll play around and say things like “When we make it big” or maybe nonchalantly mentioning kids.
It is also scary bc we’re long distance (dated one year in same town, 2 years LDR) so I just don’t want to waste time and I’ve told him this in so few words.
Am I overthinking the “I” vs “we” thing?
TL;DR: Is a partner using “I” vs “we” important when talking about future goals?
2 comments
What’s he say when you ask him about this?
When I did this, it was because I had low self esteem and didn’t want to get my hopes up over my new partner. I didn’t want to be presumptuous and assume we’d end up together. It took me like…. 5 years into the relationship to feel comfortable enough to talk about future plans like vacations or holidays without wondering if we’d still be together in 4 or 5 months despite our relationship being really good. It was absolutely a me problem, I just didn’t think I was good enough to keep around and that my partner would find someone better. Try having a serious talk with him about future plans to make it feel more concrete.