Throwaway because friends have reddit, also English is not my first language.
Yesterday my gf went out with her girlfriends to hangout and drink, apparently she got very wasted and ended up sleeping with one of her female friends, she told me as much this morning crying, for context she is bisexual and have know since before we even started dating, i just told her to calm down and that really didn’t mind because actually find it hot, apparently that was the wrong thing to say because she blew up at me and told me was invalidating her sexuality and that if it was man instead would be angry(that’s true, I would instantly break up with her) and she just left before I could saya world to her and blocked me on everything.
TI;dr: gf claims that I’m invalidating her sexuality because I’m not angry at the fact that she slept with another woman.
49 comments
She cheated and now she is the one mad that is kinda wild.
It’s very easy to see why she would feel this way. To her, it probably feels like you aren’t taking her attraction to women as seriously as her attraction to men, because instead of being upset at her for cheating, the way you would if she did it with a man, you’re unbothered by it because you find it hot. She probably feels like it’s a fetish to you.
The way she likely sees is that you don’t think of two women having sex as “real sex”, or that you don’t think of a woman as an actual threat to your relationship. It’s not cheating to you because you don’t take women or bisexuality seriously. Even if you would’ve been okay with this had she asked, she didn’t ask. She cheated on you. And rather then seeing that as a serious matter you dismiss it as not really a problem because of gender.
Those ideas are rooted in prejudice. Basically, you straight up don’t take it seriously because it’s a woman.
You can agree with that or not but I suspect that’s how she feels.
At the same time, she cheated on you. So while I understand her point of view she’s not in much of a position to judge anyone right now.
I guess the dilemma is this: if you don’t think about this and take it seriously then it’s very probably going to end the relationship, and if you do take it seriously then you’re going to feel like she cheated on you and it’s very probably going to end the relationship.
To be honest, it is extremely weird that you wouldn’t break up with your girlfriend if she sleeps with a woman, but would if it was a dude. After reading your title, I was expecting your post to say something like “my girlfriend got super drunk and kissed another girl” not that she fully slept with her.
Yeah you fetishize wlw relationships and don’t see them as real relationships and thus don’t find it threatening. This screams homophobia.
You don’t think your woman will leave you for another woman? Lmao watch
Jesus fucking Christ can we please keep the conversation about the cheating?? He’s the wronged party. He didn’t freak out on her and said he can actually get behind it. Now we are super worried about her feelings??
The fuck outta here.
By the way, read my other comments if you think I’m some sort of Republican or anti-lgbtq
This is wild on all fronts… she doesn’t respect you or herself enough to be monogamous but is mad you weren’t mad. I get it but that’s Hella weird. Honestly this sounds like a lie. Sounds like she wanted to break up and you didn’t believe her bs or get mad like she thought you would.
I mean if this isn’t some BS on her part and she gets ahold of you soon. Maybe validate her sexuality and take advantage sort of? Maybe suggest you will forgive her but from now on any sex with a woman must be run by you first. Heck maybe push for be done with you there (watching or not)…. who knows. Wild shit though
“One dick policy” gets a lot of people mad but you can’t help the way you feel. I know a lot of couples that have a bi girl who can sleep with other girls but no other guys as well as the inverse with a bi guy and they are doing just fine it is just a preference. It has to come from the right place and not objectify someones sexuality just like any other fetish can potentially objectify a person, but kinks do exist that is just fine you should accept it for what it is. You should have been mad that she knowingly gambled on your relationship not knowing how you felt about it beforehand, thats why it can feel dismissive or disrespecful.
On the other hand though, in this case it really sounds like she was looking for a way out and you having that fetish gave her an easy way to turn you into the bad guy. She can now end the relationship with all of her ducks in a row because now you are that POS that sexualizes her sexual orientation rather than the guy who she cheated on and betrayed so its a win in her mind.
As a bisexual. I understand why she’s upset. But I also see why you aren’t as upset.
I would end things though. Because first, she cheated on you. And you might have been ok with that. However, after the way she reacted to your reaction, I think you should get as far from her as you can.
Let’s assume, entirely for the sake of perspective, that your GF came to you in tears to confess to cheating. Let’s skirt the gender issue, and assume it’s another man. Let’s also assume she has not cheated, but instead she is playing a juvenile game of Let’s See How Much He Loves Me. In this game, your devastation is her validation and her empowerment. Conversely, your indifference shows how little she means to you, and how little influence she has on you. The gender angle makes the matter a bit more interesting, but the bottom line is the same. She cheated, you shrugged, game over.
Lmao
Based
So you don’t care if she cheats on you as long as her cheating partner doesn’t threaten your masculinity? I mean. . . . . Same.
She’s the one that cheated and she’s the one mad? Good Lord she needs help
You ARE invalidating her sexuality. It’s not a performative thing she’s doing for you. It’s not for your benefit. You’re not involved. She literally chose another woman over you. What don’t you get??
Well it looks like you have to just wait for her to relax and start communicating give her some space for a few days.
This doesn’t scream homophobia or invalidate same sex relationship (I totally don’t like how everyone is jumping to that!)
I personally wouldn’t find it threatening either or the same as her cheating with a guy. The lack of her telling you before hand is disappointing (it would be for me) but personally I’ve had girlfriends in the past that also liked women it just never bothered me if they kissed or hooked up with a female because it’s a different type of dynamic then what we shared. I personally would not like she didn’t communicate this to you prior.
I have always found it invalidating when boyfriends have found my experience with women “hot” but were more jealous of my experiences with men. Like, they were both meaningful experiences for me. It’s annoying to have your relationship fetishized.
That being said, she cheated on you. But…you don’t care. If you’re going to minimize that act because a woman feels like less of a threat to you, that’s your choice. I can understand how that would feel infantilizing…but I don’t understand why she cheated.
Obviously she shouldn’t have cheated and you should be upset.
But fetishizing her bisexuality is gross and you need to stop. If you would break up with her for cheating with a man you should do so now.
lol i can imagine her one moment going from “im so sorry” to “your a bigot” you should run my brother
You’re both dumb.
Cheating is cheating, if my man fucked another dude we are done, no second chances period. Lmao why do people say men gay sex more serious than woman gay sex smh.
So in short, the cheater is angry at the cheated because the cheated is not angry when told that he was cheated? I think she’s trying to break up with you and is looking for so many excuses to justify her action. If you are angry “oh you are homophobic and doesn’t support me coming out” , if you are not angry “oh you are not respecting my sexuality”. Either way you are the bad guy here in her scenario OP
Yeah, you both suck. She sucks for cheating obviously, and you suck for fetishizing wlw relationships. You *are* invalidating her sexuality because you only see it as something you’re into sexually, and treating it as if it’s not as valid as a hetero relationship
Okay. Here goes. OP you really didn’t do anything wrong. People can be OK with their partners sleeping with certain other people. That is why open marriages, often with certain stipulations, exist. OP doesn’t really care if his GF sleeps with someone else (females), that is his choice. He is also free to choose with whom his GF can’t sleep with (males) if they want the relationship to continue.
Now the problem is in communication as the GF was clearly not aware of what OP was truly feeling and the fact he dismissed her felt like a dismissal of his GF’s sexuality (because to GF, male and female intimacy is same). Although GF doesn’t really have a leg to stand on because she knowingly cheated, it doesn’t matter how OP felt after.
I would say give her some time OP and establish clear boundaries with whom GF is and is not allowed to sleep with if the relationship is to continue. Just don’t expect hot lesbian threesomes if that is what you expect.
I mean… tbh, you two seem like a perfect fit.. She’s a cheater and you’re a bigot.. Horrible meets horrible 🙂
You two just need to break up.
Clearly you’re not compatible. She cheated on you, straight up, which reveals her lack of respect and loyalty to you.
And as a sexually fluid person myself, she is right that you are absolutely invalidating bisexuality. While you may have some sort of prejudice or viewpoint that woman-on-woman action is nothing other than “hot”, it’s still cheating. She is attracted to and will date both men and women, and just because she’s dating you right now, doesn’t make her sexual orientation any more “straight” or any less bisexual. Also, if you believe another woman isn’t a threat because you have a dick and they don’t, that’s pretty ignorant too.
But regardless, with her full-on cheating and your ignorance of her sexuality, it doesn’t seem like a great fit for a relationship. I am very sorry you got cheated on though, although you said it’s fine so I’m not sure what to think of that. Also, I’ll add that it’s very peculiar for her to get mad at YOU after she just disrespected the shit out of you. Weird.
Well I think she has a point , maybe it shows your true feelings for her, or maturity.
Anyhow at the end of the day if you don’t care if she lies and deceives you with women than that’s how you feel.
Good for you to not being upset for being disrespected.
It’s super backwards that she cheated on you and then got mad about how you reacted. I think enough people have commented on the prognosis of your relationship, so I’ll leave that alone. The rest is a hot-button topic for me, so I’ll leave my two cents:
Your bisexual partner’s identity doesn’t begin and end with what turns you on. If you don’t see cheating as the same thing across the board, then you are not comprehending that it IS the same to them – you’re just picking and choosing which parts of their identity to care about based on your own agenda. And that ain’t love.
A friend of mine once wrote out an analogy to help people understand this. I copied it here, but it ended up being super long, so I’m gonna seed it in a reply to make it less daunting. Read below if you wish.
This is why you don’t come to this dog shit site for advice. Dude gets cheated on and he’s made to be the bad guy. She has no right to be mad, she’s the one that cheated.
From a woman’s perspective, I think this:
I believe she wanted attention off of you and therefore did this to cause a reaction. You did not give her the attention she wanted and now she is pissed. Maybe you two need to just have a conversation about each other’s needs and fulfilments in the relationship. Good luck.
You got a dumb girlfriend. And you’re dumb as bricks too. Unless you’re joining these side experiences you should probably leave.
So the cheater is angry cause you don’t care about the cheating. Find a new gf that isn’t dumb
At this point, since you fetishized her mistake, I think she is better off with a women.. at least she would probably be taken more seriously. And you would be better off with someone who wants a threesome since that is where your head(s) are at.
I’m bi, I’m mad at your gf for cheating on you because it is the same as cheating with a man. She slept with someone else. Period. You both need to learn respect. She didn’t do this for you dude, stop acting like she did. She did it for herself, drunkenly – but still for herself. And your reaction is repulsive to bisexuals. So she is definitely right for showing as much.
you are invalidating her sexuality.. duh
Lol. Comments.
His lack of outrage rubs y’all the wrong way because it goes against your brain-washed belief that there are no differences between the genders.
And now hundreds of Redditors are invalidating this man’s feelings. Couldn’t make this shit up
Lmao this thread is insane. You want OP to be deeply hurt about this just so it can validate your worldview.
That’s incredibly egotistical.
How fragile must your worldview be for you to prefer that OP be devastated rather than equanimous about the situation.
This whole thread made me want to hit my head on the wall
Cheating is cheating so yeah that’s hella weird
Either way your relationship is a joke
She cheating and she’s the one to be angry, bruh…
The fact that she cheated and she’s mad is killing me 😭
when a cheater reveals they cheated and they get no reaction, they get mad. They want to see you suffer, not nonchalant about it.
You’re totally fetishizing her bisexuality and tbh I think its gross. There is a level of hypocrisy that’s just wrong.
If you don’t have a stated open relationship then she’s wrong for cheating on you but she isn’t wrong with what she said
This thread is wild. Your comfortable with what your comfortable with and this is just another disconnect between men and women that exist. I personally would feel less hurt too if I was cheated on with a girl than I man too. It’s not because women are less of a threat it’s because I’m not a women and there would be less insecurity on my part than if it was another dude. I also don’t see why everyone’s being preachy when current dating and relationship dynamics are so non-traditional anyways. Your attracted to your girl having sex with other girls and comfortable with it and there are relationships out there were guys are attracted to their partners fucking other guys for work and pleasure.
Is it that week for her again?
Cheats on boyfriend. Boyfriend not upset. Gets upset at boyfriend for not being upset.
Woman logic.
So she wants you to be angry? why? doesnt she wanna be together with you anymore?
ppl here seem to try super hard to be politically correct to the point where they just sound stupid
Is anybody gonna point out she cheated and everyone here is making her the victim? Her guilt only went so far as how mad he was. That
sounds pretty F’d up to me.
Does anybody else feel like she intentionally did this to sabotage the relationship, and now she’s pissed because it didn’t play out how she expected?