I live in the uk I & was born here, like some of you men I have struggled a lot with loneliness and for 5 years now I find myself in tears some nights seeing people happy and doing the hand holding things. I am 23 now and people have said the same bs about meeting people since I was 17, I have a lot of insecurities and was bullied at school a bit. I struggle to talk to women and have always questioned why I feel this way, for a bit of context I am not white and this has added to my insecurities I feel every day, my heritage is from the punjab, my university is in a predominantly white town so I also struggle to fit in there as well with dating, I know it’s all in my head but I know how undesirable I am if I use a dating app or speak my peoples language. I am sick and tired of people from all parts of my life whether it’s relatives or friends or just older adult figures in life stating I am so nice and kind why don’t I have a nice girl by my side. Each time someone asks that it repeats in my head like a machine gun. I have never even dated someone and have had comments like you’re nice for an Indian and it makes me wonder if I belong here. if I want to be happy in that way, but it’s not nice and I feel like the whole world is against me, I can’t afford therapy and don’t want to tell anyone I know about my feelings, sometimes at university I stand by the cliff edge and ponder why it all worked out like this, sometimes I laugh but more often I cry. Seeing happy people my age in relationships makes my heart bleed knowing I am a caring person but I don’t know what to do anymore and I am scared now.
10 comments
I just see statements about how you chose to be a loser. I am not seeing anything about how you tried to better yourself. If you don’t do anything to improve yourself, making a post here won’t change anything. You can keep blaming others and remain who you are or you can try to overcome and better yourself. They don’t write stories about losers because they never have done anything.
If you were born in the UK, then you have a UK accent, yes? You have no language barrier. You’ve grown up with UK tv shows and other media, you understand UK social norms. Basically, aside from whatever Indian cultural practices your family has at home or you have in your ethnic community (ie religion or holidays)… UK culture is also your culture. So I’m inclined to think that while there probably are people who are more comfortable with their own race (especially to date), this seems like it’s more of an individual issue than it is an issue with your family background and race. UNLESS you’re wearing a turban or silver bracelet– SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE most people who aren’t the same religion are going to shy away from dating someone who has a different religion than their own. And if your town is predominantly white… well, that’s probably most people.
But that said, I’m from Canada, not the UK. 90% Canada literally bends over backwards to make other races than ‘white’ feel comfortable, and the remaining 10% bitch about it behind closed doors. Idk what it’s like in your town.
I Don’t wear a turban no one in my family ever has, I regularly get haircuts, my family are way more education based and religion is more of a a 3 times a year ceremony thing to us
I don’t see hooking up or things like that in my reality anytime soon, if I can’t even do dates without being scared ill need to take small steps to figure shit out
It doesn’t seem like you struggle going outside since you go to the gym, are in clubs/societies, play sports, etc. It seems like it’s just your mentality you’ll have to work on. Please read self help books, call 211, just do something to help better yourself please
Jesus christ I been struggling at uni for years never knew this
23 years old Virgin and crying.. these are rookie numbers ..!!
Please go and see the welfare officer at Uni. There will be free counselling available.
I think you should talk to your loved ones about this. It’s sad that you’ve suffered racism and I think you should definitely go to therapy or call a suicide hotline since you’ve already considered ending it. I’m sure many people have said this before, but you can’t get into a relationship without loving yourself first and a girl won’t make you whole. And, as a gay guy, my advice for talking to women is to just talk to them like they’re guys. I talk to them without the intent of having sex and they end up liking me. Also, I don’t know if you have good habits but just as a good reminder:
Don’t masturbate
Work out
Drink water
Have a healthy diet
These things can change your everyday mood drastically, you have no idea. Well, that’s everything I have to say.
You’re miserable because you’re too busy watching what other people are doing and what other people have