So this might be a little long, but I am not sure what to do and am looking for advice.
I (29M) have been hanging out with the girl (24F) from work for the past couple of months but only at work related things. We hang out at work all the time, have lunch, get coffee, laugh, talk, vent etc… She is a graduate student and I am doing a research rotation for a year. Basically, I caught feelings. My original plan was to ask her out once I left the lab because I will be leaving at the end of September. We went out to dinner once and had a really nice time but nothing physical. She was having a rough time and I thought that it might make her feel better to get out of the city and go out to a nice dinner. Basically, I thought that there was no way that she didn’t know that I had feelings for her, and we were both being a little cautious because we work together and both have a lot going on this summer with weddings/travel etc. Then the next week, I find out that she is kind of dating this other guy from her home town which is like a 2.5 hour flight away. And he keeps telling her that she’s going to move here but hasn’t yet. So I sent her a long text message saying that I had feelings, and that I didn’t know this other guy was involved and that I was going to go my own way because I don’t want to hang around and be plan B. (So I fired up the dating app again to try to get over it). The next couple of weeks were really awkward at work and we didn’t speak or make eye contact. Then I was uncomfortable with that, so I asked to talk. She said that she had no idea that I had feelings and that my message blindsided her and thought go my own way meant that I didn’t want to talk at all. She said that she hadn’t thought about us dating or being together, and that she wished I would have asked her out as I was leaving because then she would have thought about it. But then she also added that currently she is not-NOT thinking about it and she needs a little bit of time to consider. But never ever mentioned this other guy. So after this conversation we started hanging out at work again, talking, laughing, etc… So back to the dating app, I went out with someone last night and while she was over I realized that I wasn’t over this situation (and I don’t want to string this other person along if I’m not over it).
So, I don’t know really what to do. Because I don’t think that I can keep up this level of friendly uncertainty for 2 months and also move on and see other people, but I can’t shake the thought that you know maybe after she’s thought about it… It has only been a little over a week since we talked so I also understand if she needs more time. But at the same time I feel like she was intentionally vague and ambiguous and keeping me in her back pocket in case this other guy (who she does have a history with) doesn’t decide to move here. She is also going home later this year OCT/NOV and will be with him then. I am wondering if I should a) just live my life and assume she’s not actually interested (but it would be tough for me to maintain friendship and move on) b) tell her that I am going to see other people and if it doesn’t work out with the other guy we can see where things stand c) tell her that if she doesn’t see me that way to just tell me so I can move on d) just start saying that I’m seeing someone (potentially toxic to get her jealous) e) wait until im about to leave and ask her out again f) maybe pull back a little bit and maintain like co-worker relationship to give space g) other
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I know this was long, I wanted to give the full story, even though I probably left something out.