Me (F32) and my husband (M38) are constantly being asked to come over to brother and sister in laws. I understand that they like us and we like them but we have very different lifestyles. They will ask us to come over on weekends for lunch and then we will be expected to stay for dinner. I try to say no, but they can be very persistent and my husband usually says yes. I really like them but it feels suffocating not to be able to leave when I like. When I say no we should leave it’s usually followed with we made dinner for you, we have other snacks, we have plans. It had been better if we had a decent excuse but with no kids I feel like I’m coming up short and I don’t want to just make something up.
I really like them but I need my space. It would be easier if we could go over for a few hours and not have to be committed for 8 hours.
I assume the easy answer is just to say no but I feel like I’ve stated this before and it’s getting awkward.
Open to any suggestions!
tl;dr being asked to come over to extended family all the time and feeling pressured to stay for many hours despite saying no, we should leave.
5 comments
What has your husband said when you’ve talked about this? It’s his family — he should be the one negotiating with you & then running interference with them when it’s time to leave.
Maybe go for dinner only? Pop over at 6 or 7 leave at 10 say you got to be up early. Or try send your husband a saucy text so he then wants to leave asap too.
Just go over for dinner – make it a regular thing. Thursday night with the in laws. That way you control the schedule, aren’t anxious about it, and can manage your time better (just dinner, work the next day).
Or, send him for lunch and you show up at 5 before dinner.
Tell them you’re leaving and then leave. When they invite you two make sure you tell them in uncertain terms we’re only staying for the INVITE meal and not for the whole bloody day. Then leave when you’re ready. They’re being very rude and should make clear their expectations.
Time Vampires will take as much time of yours as they can.
So the solution is talking to whoever you’re going with ahead of time — “I’m happy to go see your brother on Saturday, but don’t want to stay all day, let’s leave at 2, ok?”
And if it’s that your husband really enjoys these long Saturdays with his brother, go separately. There are often times where I’m less interested in socializing with my partner. In those cases, it just becomes an “I love you, see you at home later,” and I leave.