The last 3 guys I’ve slept with have had trouble getting hard throughout the time we’ve been together. The first was over 4 years ago, we were talking and every-time we would go to sleep together he couldn’t get hard… he was high all the time so I just always chalked it up to that. The next was my husband of 3 1/2yrs he would off and on have problems with getting hard (more on than off) and that’s when I really started to get self conscious about it but I knew he’d always been into stuff I wasn’t into and he was big about talking dirty which I just wasn’t capable of… plus we had kids so idk I think I really just thought it was a mixture of us not being compatible and life…. Well now I’m with the man of my dreams and the first time we ever went to have sex he couldn’t get it up and I just KNEW it was because we were both so nervous but it’s been happening periodically since then during sex and then occasionally when we go to start and he says it’s not me but i can’t help but feel like it is at this point😩
6 comments
Ask them about their porn use maybe?
Maybe ur going to have to leave ur comfort zone. To try motivating ur partner in other ways. Im sure ur not to blame directly.
Although I have never had a problem of getting an election or staying hard during the act, I have heard that some guys are just more affected by anxiety/nerves of being with a woman. I have also read that some have issues when they have to use a condom. Some guys alway have habits that interfere with maintaining an erection… like smoking cigarettes, excessive drinking and just being overweight, overworked and/or exhausted. I feel that if this is a persistent problem with your partner then you should bring up. Otherwise, just pay attention to what you are seeing.
The first few times in a new relationship is probably nerves so don’t worry about that. If its past that point it can be what is called deathgrip and or overuse of porn.
I’m sorry that you’re having a hard (soft?) time with your partners. So I’m going to try to answer your question “What’s wrong with me”. Maybe what’s wrong is the type of men that you’re choosing or attracted to. As another poster pointed out, anxiety can cause performance problems for men. If you’re consistently ending up with anxious men, you might be seeing that play out in the bedroom.
Here is an article that might give you some insight: https://www.healthline.com/health/erectile-dysfunction-anxiety-stress
Apart from anxiety, age could be another factor. Or health. So one question that you could ask yourself is: what do the men that I end up with have in common?
Other than cardiovascular health, alcohol and stress on the part of the guys, which can be factors, there are factors that OP can also influence that relate to men’s desire and arousal:
– OPs weight and fitness,
– good hygiene, health and scent
– flirtiness, teasing
– foreplay and maintaining your lovers’ state of arousal
– Having a fun and positive attitude
– Sense of adventure
– positive feedback, dirty talk and moaning
– Being open-minded, rather than controlling
In summary, the better OP can arouse a guy, the easier it will be. Girls are lucky insofar as they have a really reliable indicator of male arousal. Just because you have turned a guy on doesn’t mean that his interest will be maintained until he orgasms. Kink compatibility may also come into play. With a particularly vanilla woman, a guy with wider tastes my get bored.