I (F20) have just found out that my boyfriend(M21) past relationship.
I went through his phone, I know this was the wrong thing to do however I needed to snoop because I have had a horrible feeling and also have been hearing horrible things about him being a cheater.
I would’ve jsut confronted him but he gets so defensive.
While I was going through my boyfriends phone, messages between him and his ex came up, I only had to scroll a bit when I found messages about him cutting his wrists in front of her because she attempted to leave him, also him cutting his wrists because she told her family about his abusive tendencies towards her.
So basically my boyfriend has pretty bad cuts on his wrists and Stomach, I have never brought them up as I knew it might be sensitive, but now I’ve found out he hit his ex girlfriend and these cut marks are from him cutting himself over her?
WHAT THE FUCK.
Do I do.
TLDR; my boyfriend cut himself over his ex . How do. I even confront this situation
2 comments
Self harm in itself can be a cry for help, or an abusive manipulation technique. Combined with talk of hitting, cheating, and him being defensive, I would consider it to be the latter & think you should strongly consider whether this is the relationship for you.
Note also that stalking through someone else’s private communication is a form of abuse and cobtrol and a breach of trust and privacy, whether you found out something bad or not. The correct course of action is a discussion about your relationship concerns, if they won’t have the discussion then the relationship is over, you don’t stalk people (a) because it’s wrong and (b) now you have a really awkward situation.
The second I see any of these behaviours, whether yours or his, I’m done with a relationship.
In all honesty, I say GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!
Like now, this may not be the best advice but that is not healthy, or other option you could try to talk to him. Though that may be unpleasant for both sides, going off the fact that he participated in self harm to threaten someone, that may not go well.
Try and see if you could get him some help, and see if you could heal those wounds, if they are not healed already. But if that is all a no to you and you feel unsafe around him, take the first option into consideration and leave. You don’t have to tell him the reason if you don’t want to, you could use the classic lines of “Its me not you” if you really want to.