I (31F) am dating him (31M) for 3 months. We have an amazing chemistry and connection. We laugh a lot, talk for hours. It was like that since day one. I really like him, he’s sensitive and has a good heart.
However, I start to see how negative he is. I’m in a sabbatical and have time to invest in art and music more. I got accepted to participate & exhibit a painting in a really nice gallery. I was stocked, and he responded with “Oh. That’s cool”.
He was truly happy only when I said that I’m canceling a trip in order to participate in the show, which means more time with him. That’s when it seemed like he really cared. He’s a funny guy but sometimes he’d make little jokes about my projects or interests (if they are “uncool”), gossiping/joking about other people. I know he’s not doing it on purpose but it’s starting to get to me.
He’s a musician, but working 9-5 in a low income job which he really hates.
I try to make music sometimes and share it in my IG. I’m pretty insecure about it. My friends and family always comment that they love it. Also strangers!
He always watches it and never says anything. Yesterday it happened again and I asked if he had seen it. He said yes – and immediately started to say something about himself. I felt so off and canceled our meeting that day 🙁
I know that he’s in a bad place right now. Hates his job, overweight almost obese etc.
I try to support as much as I can – always listen when he nags about his job and try to think about solutions together. I’ve asked if he wants us to take up running again and try to be healthier. I try.
TL;DR: My partner makes little jokes about my interests and projects, and not caring about what I do. I find myself not sharing things I do anymore because I’m worried he’d laugh about it. I adore him, but it feels toxic. Need to know how to talk about this in a non aggressive way
1 comment
>I know he’s not doing it on purpose but it’s starting to get to me
How is this not on purpose? Nobody ‘accidentally’ comes out with put downs or digs or whatever else, unless they’re utterly clueless. ‘Negging’ is definitely a thing.
I’ll say the same thing I said to somebody with a similar problem earlier… This is probably the way he’s been operating for his entire life.
>I try to support as much as I can – always listen when he nags about his job and try to think about solutions together.
So where is the support you should be getting in return? You can’t even get a frigging comment on a social media post!
Do you really think this is the right person for you? Whether he’s coming from a place of low self esteem, or he’s just unable to switch off from his work problems outside of work and that’s taking over his head, something completely different, it’s clear that this dude is unable to help himself. Do you think of you brought up any of your concerns he’d be at all receptive?