Is being too clingy a turn off for most guys? I suspect I have bpd and I become attached to people after just a day of texting if I like them a lot. I become infatuated with people (women too although I’m straight). I can’t help it. I feel like I’ll never find anyone that matches my energy. Why is everyone so nonchalant? I need someone to merge souls with me
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Let it build over time. I am a clingy guy and it seems to be a turn off even with a commited lover.
Yeah i think thats probably a turn off for most people. Definitely is for me.
I personally love when girls are obsessed with me, so it’s a no from me. Although I’m sure a lot of guys would get annoyed after sometime
> I need someone to merge souls with me
Love that way of putting it 😅
For me it depends on the type of clingy. If it’s legitimately because you want to be close to me in a genuine way and are really into me, I personally don’t have a problem with that. I think it would pull me in closer to that person, but yes, for most it would put them off.
Getting very close to someone within a day of texting does seem like a bit much. I mean, there’s no way you can really know them yet and their intentions, and to me I think you’re opening yourself up to quickly for someone who may try taking advantage.
There’s nothing wrong with liking someone. But you don’t have to be clingy. If they’re into you, they’ll seek you out. If you’re getting clingy after a day or a week. Is it really the person? Or are you clinging to the feeling of love? I’ve been clingy in the past. So I’ve learned from my mistakes. Give it at least a month. Then gradually be more expressive with feelings.
Most people can’t match that energy because it’s a symptom of your mental illness. Unless you seek out someone else with BPD, which sounds like a disaster, perhaps adjust your behavior to something more reasonable.
I think a lot of people can be turned off by intensity from the beginning if they don’t know the person well, or aren’t invested yet. They might experience it as demanding, or pressurising. If I’ve ever met someone who seems quite keen in the beginning I might be wary, because they don’t really know me yet and so the infatuation feels like it’s based on the idea of who I am, rather than the reality.
Going to therapy been really helpful for me to understand myself and my needs, how I relate to others and my triggers. Learning about attachment styles changed things for me too. If you haven’t already, ever considered trying it out?
Words like clingy and needy aren’t great though are they, because they haven’t a bad connotation for something that isn’t inherently bad.. but it can be really useful to understand what the ‘clingyness’ is about for you? Learning how to maintain a sense of separateness and having boundaries is important for healthy relating.
I don’t mean to be patronising at all, I’m hoping something I said you might find helpful, a lot of stuff I’ve learned over the years. You also don’t want to play games and you want to be yourself too, so navigating the beginning of relationships is something a lot of people struggle with, and I’m no exception 🙂
Good luck!
It depends, if I’m into the girl. I don’t mind if she is clingy, but if there isn’t any attraction. I find it annoying. It just really depends to be honest.
Get help for your bpd before you date.
Im you except im a guy lol. Im way too clingy of a person. As a matter of fact, its caused an issue with my current girlfriend. Im super clingy and way too attached. She’s quite a bit more distant and reserved and has basically said that I sometimes smother her and its too much. Its very hard to reign it in. Some people are into it and some aren’t. I would love to meet a girl that is as clingy to me as I am her.
Depends tbh. Some guys who have history with always chasing women would probably love it as they finally feel wanted. But for the most part it’ll get boring or the appeal wears off eventually. We don’t wanna feel responsible for every aspect of your happiness and mental. I know most guys love time alone. Usually very isolated creatures . Be our bright spot when we aren’t alone, don’t make us never be allowed to be alone.
I think it depends on the circumstances lol I don’t tend to handle clingy people very well as I can be aloof but I
Can also be clingy at times. It kind of depends on what you consider clingy? Bpd makes relationships roller coasters. I tend to observe people and test them with my personality to see if they can handle it first. You’ll find your person;)
I find it to be a huge turn off if guys get very clingy fast. You don’t want to feel like they have nothing else going for them then this relationship