How come more men are having trouble with women these days (romantically) or is it just the internet amplifying a minority?

33 comments

1. Wider dating pools, hookup culture, women are able to be independent unlike pre 70s, less reason to leave ones house on a daily basis, social skills are less common due to constant entertainment, high divorce rates are a turn off to commitment, etc etc etc

2. With online dating women now have basically infinite choice. This leads to women cycling through a small percentage of men that tend to do well on those sites/apps…. and the rest of the guys are left alone for the most part.

3. Internet amplifies a minority but it’s also responsible for several extra complications.

4. Both I reckon. The internet’s full of introverts, but also a lot of women make it clear they don’t want to be approached, so guys are less likely to approach them.

5. It could also be both. More men experience issues, and internet amplifying things.

6. No offence but people in good relationships probably don’t spend their time talking about it online. Social media is probably used by lonely people to connect with others

7. Al E Borland has it right. We know from dating sites, that women ignore over 90% of the men they have in their DM’s. In the real world it’s even worse.

8. I’m not old enough to know how things were before the Internet, but I’d be shocked if Internet amplification didn’t play a part. It’s easy to find a nook here where things can seem more common than they are overall.

9. Too much effort too little reward

10. Who knows honestly.

11. marriage rates are down across the globe

    It’s not just the internet

    The internet just tends to amplify both positive and negative emotion.

    You can apply an any explanation you want (most of them have some elements of truth) but …

    Technology has more or less removed any strong incentives from marriage. That is to say people aren’t getting hitched because they’re afraid they’re going to starve to death if they don’t. In agrarian societies, children are a valuable labor resource. In (modern) urban societies, children are an expense. With the developed world going from 90/10 to 20/80 during the 20th century (a strong shift away from agrarian living), people are left questioning what role if any traditional relationships are going to play in their lives. Despite the rhetoric, most people in developed countries are perfectly capable of living on their own.

    We know the dating scene is tougher for a variety of reasons, the only real question is, what is it going to look like on the other side of the societal transformation that started occurring during the industrial revolution and is continuing to work itself out.

12. Maybe ask more women why they do or don’t date men instead of other men who can’t overcome the same barriers.

13. Social media and the internet has made us generally more socially isolated. I’m

14. Online dating and social media in general. Once upon a time a guy only had to compete with the few other guys at the office or at the bar or at the cafe or wherever. Now they’re competing with every man within a 50 mile radius and most men do not rank well in a range that wide.

    Of course a lot of the men that women have to sort through are complete assholes but the catch is that they moderately attractive women get so many matches that the few that are not total shitheads easily get lost in an ocean full of horn dogs.

15. I don’t understand how to communicate online effectively through social media. I feel Being romantic requires good communication. Maybe it’s just me.

16. Satisfied men don’t complain about their relationships on the internet, so the bitterness from the unsatisfied men is much more prominent than it would be if we were all talking.

17. Just you wait the problem is going to get sooooo much worse

18. Women’s standards have gone up, men’s willingness to go out and actually try has gone down.

19. The second thing.

    Successful people are not whining on reddit.

20. The internet sets impossible expectations for the overwhelming majority of people. People are smart and realize this so they lose their confidence and ability to approach people because of their fear of being compared to someone deemed better than them. As a 27 year old male whose life revolves around the internet I must definitely say it is the ultimate double edged sword.

21. I believe that there is a large issue with relationships in general and not just romantically. Throughout my life I have observed that the use of personal technology contributes to people not being comfortable with interaction without a screen. I believe that if we are constantly conversing through text or a forum we can take time to process our responses. For most, without the ability to take the time to type and review our response then some may become anxious and the responses will become “embarrassing” for some.

22. The market for women isn’t locally anymore becuase of the social media apps. So now the Market went from a local market to Global market for dating.

23. The internet is full of bullshit and it promotes bullshit to real-life folks.

    You see a picture of a beautiful man or woman, flawless in every way… Its photoshop.

    You see a perfect photo where a woman is holding a man’s hand on a tropical beach with the sun setting serenely in the background? Probably took 100 photos in 10 minutes to get that shot.

    People don’t see what’s behind the veil. Real life is not perfect but both men and women are looking for that perfect person depicted on screen.

    Be happy when you find someone as perfectly imperfect as you.

24. It’s both, to a degree, but statistically it is definitely getting worse for guys(less dates/intercourse, virgins for longer, etc)

    It’s also the case that the internet is messing with not only men’s psychology but women’s as well. We like to pretend we as humans can see through the bullshit online and it doesn’t effect us, but that’s straight up ridiculous. It has a very real, very negative effect on psychology and we are witnessing it now.

    It’s not only worse for men in the digital age It’s worse for women as well. Just in different ways.

    Social media literally profits by our division. Everyone needs to keep that in mind at all times.

25. As a guy who’s recently become single after a very long relationship, this is all quite depressing tbh. I’m not ready to even think about dating just yet, but damn, it’s sounds pretty bleak.

    When it is time though, it won’t be online dating, it has to be organic, for me at least, guess I’m going to be up against the odds.

26. The more options women have, the less options men have

    The internet allowed women to have more options and be more picky about who they want, so they don’t have to settle for guys that they normally would have

    And also women make it clear that they don’t wanna be hit on, so been are more likely to be hesitant to even try most of the time

27. A lot of guys are looking at this wrong. We’re having the same issues that Japan and South Korea has had for decades.

    Economic uncertainty has caused an entire generation to be averse to dating. Ease of services lower the impetus for relationships. Finally there’s a mismatch between what many men want and what many women want.

    It’s really those three factors. Throw in the fact that a large percentage have lacking social skills and you end up with what we have today.

28. Amplifying internet effect.

    Out of all my guy friends I’m the only one not married or in a serious relationship. I go on dates regularly. None of us look like Ryan Gosling or make a lot of money.

29. I would say Internet.

    People succeeding ain’t complaining

30. I think most guys just assume the woman is taken already.

31. It’s just Reddit, 95% of the male population on this app have severe problems communicating with women without being freaky…

    I’ve never in my life struggles to date or have long term relationships.

32. Not a man, but I’ve thought about this:

    *Dating apps just doesn’t work for most guys. Tinder is 80% men. That’s like going to a party with 24 guys and 6 girls, trying to meet women. And the Tinder algorithms make normal guys invisible, by putting them at the back of the stack. Then this makes men think they are ugly, when they are not. And they lose their confidence with women.

    *YouTube dating coaches/pickup artists who are clueless about women, tell men the way to go is to hit on girls on the street/subway. This freaks women out. And the men feel they are hopelessly unattractive.

    *A lot of people don’t have a regular social life anymore. The way normal people get a girlfriend/boyfriend is that they meet people through their friends. Having a regular social life also allows you to see that all the weird couples out there. That you don’t have to be a model to get a girlfriend. That women like different things. That dating is about finding someone you click with. And it also teaches you social skills.

    *Being mostly alone, using Tinder, it’s easy to get a lot of false ideas about women and dating, which prevents you from dating actual women.

33. Naw people are still getting laid, just get off the internet