So, I have an old friend who has been an on and (lately mostly) off ‘best friend’ for more than 20 years. We are both in our 30s and functioning adults with careers and families, not some dramatic teenagers. We live far apart now and only see each other twice a year. Every time we see each other, we quickly go back to our bff dynamic. However, once we’re apart again we always lose touch (mainly she doesn’t keep up with the texting etc) and have to keep rebuilding our friendship every once in a while.
I am a pretty introverted person and don’t really have many other friends but she seems to have a different best friend every couple of months. She has this friendships that seem to turn really intense quite quickly and then…I don’t really know what happens then, but I never hear about any of those people again.
When we were younger I used to feel hurt, but now I’ve accepted that that is who she is and I should not expect things from her that she is simply unable to give. I’m not going to randomly call her in the middle of the night and that is ok, she’a just not that kind of friend. We have a great time when we do see each other and that’s cool with me.
I keep wondering, though. Is there something she keeps searching for with those other friends who keep coming and going? Could I be a better friend to her?
If anyone else has the same experience with rotating friends (no judgement at all!), what do you look for in a friend? What makes you not want to be friends with a person anymore? Is there something I am simply not getting here?
1 comment
My parents were like this…It was a revolving door of friends and different friend groups. That makes it easy for me to have a lot of acquaintances and no issue just drifting away and if someone does things I don’t like…to just drop out of the friendship…which sounds like what your friend has made a habit of…Getting super close to someone and then getting to really know them and not wanting to deal with their life issues…Shes sounds superficial. However you are a constant in her life…she knows you can always pick up where you left off. I don’t think it’s that she’s searching for anything in particular other than being a very social person that enjoys having several sets of friend groups. Like we golf with some friends, we go to BBQ’s with another set of friends, friends that we meet for dinner at our favorite restaurant, work friends, and good friends we have over our house regularly but they are more like family. They are all separate groups that we do different things we enjoy…it sounds like you’re the BFF that is family to her.