My (34m) fiancée (29f) has always been very clothes/style oriented. She has a lot of clothes and makeup and has always had a some heart unique style…not really so much unique, but kind of hip and gothy. She mostly wears black and dark colors. She gets compliments on her makeup a lot. I always appreciated how nice and fancy-ish she looked.
She’s always been into like the 60’s, incorporating bell sleeves and stuff like that into her look. But now it’s like…a lot. She will do her hair like in the old 60’s style *and* dress like it too…like Megan from the later seasons of Mad Men or the Italian gf from the Sopranos movie. She’s really pretty but it feels kinda costumey to me…it’s not my look at all, I’m just purely modern. And recently she’s even gotten into more older styles…like I’m not sure of the terminology, but longer skirts and puffed up sleeves. I guess like a medieval or fairy tale sort of look? People compliment her but I feel like just because it stands out. I don’t know, it’s fine. She looks good just like she’s always going to a costume party or something.
But I’m just kind of worried about how she’s less and less into buying typical modern clothes. And she’s into wearing this stuff just at home. She mostly works from home and I’ll come back from my job to see her in a full long ruffle-y skirt and like a peasant blouse or even corset top. She even asked for this like Renaissance type veil/hood thing off Etsy for her bday. I’m sure just to wear around the house. It’s like she’s playing dress up. And a lot of times these clothes can be on the more expensive side.
I pointed out to her that she seems to be more into the long skirts and old fashioned look lately even just while at home and she said it makes me happy and that it “suits her nature.”
Part of me wonders why she needs this to be happy…is it indicative of something wrong? She does say she is sad sometimes. Another part of me thinks I just don’t like it even though I tell myself it’s fine. She’s really attractive and will even have people stop her on the street to tell her how beautiful she is…yet I feel like she kind of distracts from that with her outfits, which can be really sexy but still have a nerdy cast to them I feel just because they’re obviously historic looks. So part of me thinks…why would she be doing that if she was perfectly fine mentally?
Tl;dr: my gf started dressing more historically and I’m not sure why or if I like it. I’m probably overthinking this…but she used to not dress like this and I don’t know why now would change when she’s almost 30.
Thanks everyone.
20 comments
Her fashion choices are not indicative of mental illness. It actually seems kinda on current trends
History bounding is very fashionable right now, as is the Edwardian style with a lacy blouse with long gathered sleeves…
Ask her about this, what she enjoys, is there a specific era that interests her…
She sounds really fun and cool and you sound really judgemental and boring.
It sounds like she’s just expanding her hobby. She loves clothing, and obviously there are many styles from many different eras.
Have you talked to her about this?
Dear Reddit: my gorgeous, sexy girlfriend who everyone but me finds stunning dresses a little bit “nerdy” and not to my taste, does this mean she is mentally ill?
Wow. How judgemental can you be.
The idea that a woman dressing in a way one particular man doesn’t like must be indicative of mental illness is so truly bizarre that I don’t really know how to respond to it. I think your GF likes eccentric styles, and I think you’re trying to find any explanation for the situation that isn’t “my GF likes clothes I don’t find hot and I don’t find her hot in those clothes.”
I also don’t find the type of styles you’re describing hot, but there’s a limit to how much say you realistically get over an SO’s clothes, and it’s fine to dress for yourself even if your SO isn’t into it. You could tell your GF you loved her previous style, but if this is what she’s into, it’s what she’s into. Maybe she’ll move on at some point, maybe she won’t. It might help to talk to GF about what she likes about these styles. You might be able to appreciate them more if you understood her thought process.
You’re asking if you should be worried about her changing her clothing style? That’s a bit dramatic, no?
you sound like the kind of person who’d make their wife get a lobotomy in the 50’s… oh dear, she has opinions and preferences!!
No, people compliment because that style is amazing. Let your fiance wear what she wants. You sound boring.
Fashion is self expression. Honestly I wonder why do you mind? It’s not that she needs it to be happy, if she was buying normal things you wouldn’t say that she needs the item to be happy. Nothing worst in a partnership than being judgmental. Freedom is important, save your snarky comments, let her be and try to have an open mind. She dresses at home because she does it for herself no to impress anyone. You should try it sometime
you’re way too old to ve acting like this
It’s clothes. It’s fashion and it’s her choice. Get over it
People in the comments are brutal! I totally understand where you are coming from. You care for your gf and want her to express herself, but you coming home to find her welding an axe in a medieval cloak… that’s a lot to take. These are TOUGH times right now and she could be using these looks as an outlet for escapism. You are valid in your concerns and I think just chatting with her is your best approach. Tread lightly, tell her you support her style, but you’ve noticed a shift lately and sometimes when you go in public you feel embarrassed. If this is her new style and it’s too much for you, maybe you two are growing in different ways. At the end of the day, it’s all about how YOU feel in the relationship, and if this is uncomfortable for you, then it should be addressed. However, she has every right to dress how she wants, so there needs to be a conversation. This feels like an episode of Seinfeld honestly.
A woman dressing in a way that makes her happy but doesn’t totally cater to the male gaze? It’s got to be mental illness; no other explanation. 🙄
Everyone’s giving you sass for not liking it, but honestly, I care about what my partner wears too and would have a hard time overlooking it if it made me feel embarrassed to be seen with them. However, I dont date “out there” people for this reason, so I have a hard time understanding how you didnt see this coming and how you’re in this predicament now.
Regardless, you have a choice on whether you want to accept that her style is outside of your comfort zone but her qualities as a partner outweighs that or not. It seems like being able to express herself through clothing is important to her and she clearly said it makes her happy. I think she deserves someone who is proud to be with her – and you don’t seem to be that person if you’re even embarrassed to be with her when she’s feeling like her best self at home.
Oh yeah, those dresses are in style at old navy and such. A little is cute but the major old style summer dresses do not seem practical in 2022 but whatever. It’s a trend and will be soon be over for ass-crack low rise jeans from 2000’s
Damn your girlfriend seems so cool and you seem real fucking lame
I would be concerned. Mostly that this may not be a great match. If you feel at all embarrassed, that can significantly affect how you feel about the relationship over time
How uptight and boring are you? Get a grip. I’m sure there would be more far more interesting men absolutely lining up to date your girlfriend and not accusing her of being mentally ill simply for having a distinctive style. Why don’t you move out of the way for them if it bothers you so much?
Can I be her friend? Seriously she has the same style as me and sounds super fun. Also my boyfriend loves and accepts that part of my style and i’ve even gotten him to dress up with me sometimes. It’s fun! I’m glad these comments have had you see the light, and you should talk to her and maybe consider trying it yourself, seeing what the hype is! At the very least, expressing interest in her style will most definitely make her happy.