I don’t want to be one

30 comments

  2. Well i think the first step is to try to accept that you don’t need anyone else to find you attractive in order to live a life worth living. You’re a human, not a cow, and there are greater purposes for you than having sex.

    The second thing you need to wrap your head around is that it’s not personal. Just because a woman, or many women, or every woman you’ve met does not desire you sexually does not mean they hate you. And it doesn’t mean that you’re any less of a person. Just because other men who do have a lot of sex like to parade it around like some kind of endorsement of themselves, does not mean you need to accept that as fact. They aren’t better than you, and the women who have sex with them aren’t doing it to harm you.

    And lastly, there are over four billion women in the world. Put *time* and *effort* into making yourself physically the best you can be, and develop your mind and your knowledge about a range of subjects and i promise, i *promise you*, that you will catch someone’s attention if you try.

    Fact is the way you are right now might simply be incompatible with a romantic relationship. If you’re overweight, or uninteresting, or have poor hygiene, or have few hobbies. You have to build yourself up to a level where you have something to offer, before advertising it. No one is going to invest time and affection into you *before* you’ve invested it in yourself.

    It might take a long time, and you might suffer hundreds of rejections first, but it will happen if you make it happen. Your ancestors have managed it for thousands of years.

  5. Incels are entitled.

    If you want to not be entitled, do things that are selfless and do things for self-improvement. Acknowledge that no one “earns” sexual favors from other people. Sex isn’t a transaction (unless it is a transaction with cash on one side and a sex worker on the other). Self-improvement is the way forward.

    Let’s say you’re a homeowner and so is your neighbor. You are both complete human beings with your own needs. One day, your neighbor rings the doorbell because a package of yours was delivered to them by mistake. They are “nice” and have done you a favor. The next day they ask if you will, in return, put a new roof on their house. Wtf no, you say. I have my own house to worry about. You can’t buy a new roof by doing me one favor. They pretend it was just a joke. Over a series of months they do more small favors here and there. And what point do you owe them a roof?

    How is this analogy different from incels expecting sex from other people?

  6. This post doesn’t have much info so I’m going off of stereotypes here, but from what I’ve seen on here there’s a specific kind of person who is willing to call themself an incel. I think shifting your mindset from everything being out of your control and blaming the world/others for a lot of your relationship problems is a good place to start. I’ve noticed that a lot of incels have a “poor me” mindset that is really obvious and annoying to others and pushes people away. If you can take some actions to get your social life moving, and stop with some (ideally all) of the self-pity, I think that people will want to spend more time with you and you won’t be an “incel” anymore. But I personally have multiple friends who aren’t sexually active or really dating much at all, and they would never think of themselves that way. They’re happy-ish. People like being around them and they’re just moving through the world as best they can without blaming others (especially not entire groups i.e. women) for their situations.

  7. Friends. Family. Adventure. Creativity. Volunteering. Learning. Self respect. Support groups. Exercise. Nature. Animals. Sports. Politics. Hobbies. Nutrition. Game design. Therapy. Reading. Writing. Driving. Competing. Pets.

    The mindset you have right now is massively interfering with your goal. It’s like if you want to fall asleep, and you get upset that you’re having trouble going to sleep, so you try even harder, and it’s still not happening. Trying to go to sleep too hard interferes with going to sleep. What you need to do is get up, and do something else for a while. If you keep on getting upset night after night, your bedroom is going to become stressful and that’s going to make it even harder to go to sleep. Take a break. Get help. Focus on other things that make you happy.

  8. What do you think has led to you becoming an incel? Maybe the cure is in the reason you got there.

  9. OP, in a previous post you said you’re short, fat, and ugly

    Fat:

    Hit the weights, challenge yourself, realize life isn’t supposed to be easy, learn to enjoy the challenge, naturally increase testosterone.

    Diet, protein, count your calories if you have to

    Ugly:

    Weights will help your jawline and facial definition. Secondly, look into mewing. It’s a habit of repositioning your tongue to a more natural position which will strengthen and restructure your face.

    Short:

    Not shit you can do. This will be an exercise in acceptance. Anything that is beyond your control requires acceptance. Will this become a barrier to entry to more shallow women? Yes. But the difference between a manlet and a short king is how they carry themselves. Being confident will be easier once you’ve done the worked on the first 2 things

    Edit: notice how I gave OP actionable steps to improve his life and this is the only comment he hasn’t responded to

  10. Why do you seem to be bitter to every kind redditor commenting on this post? They all have good advices.

  12. That looks like bait. Incel is a term used only seriously by people I find too departed from reality to take seriously. I assume (careful I know) that incels are the people attracted to those beasts.

  13. how do you stop? simple, its nobodys fault that you are pissed off, and in fact, nobody gives a shit. You can keep being bitter and pissed off, but then you definitely wont get laid

    or improve yourself as a best as you can

    or if you dont want to improve yourself you have to find other positive things about yourself. why should anyone date you?

    my fat bad style friend always has a girl, my short bald friend just got married to a sexy woman. they offer things that people want, so much so that their shortcomings are overlooked.

    friend 1 is a great listener, very affectionate, likes to cuddle, makes lots of money works hard, not fussed about a woman looking well manicured or wearing tight clothes. so he gets these hippie weirdos who dont shave their legs. they are happy he doesnt judge them and he is happy they have sex with him

    friend 2 is the life of the party has 1000 friends, funny, charasmatic super fit. She liked what he was offering, she is short too also super fit, they make sense together

    people are looking for their equals, they just want to date the female or male version of themselves. so who is that person for you?

    also date women who are not supermodels with 10 guys around, because you cant get those women, and they are a pain in the ass anyway

  14. Sex is not important at all until you are starved of it for lengthy periods of time then it one of the most important things ever.

    Start lifting weights or pick up an active hobby. Dress better. Put yourself in social situations. Learn some game/frame whatever you wanna call it just learn how to talk to people (men AND women). Work on your self development.

    Consider the red pill.

  17. Based on your replies it seems like you are actually not interested in changing at all. You are just being negative and shooting down every suggestion.

  18. I think what will help is to resolve any traumas you may be carrying from your past that may be affecting you. Think hard. There’s always something to dig up… ask yourself why you think these things about yourself. Be honest. Next, you need to realize none of that shit matters. Once you figure that out you should be able to develop a stronger sense of self. You got it!

  19. I have a job

    Maybe I should quit though. I don’t want to be a wageslave without having a gf

  20. Why do you think you’re an incel? Incel means involuntary celibate. You can’t realistically label yourself that unless you’ve put a serious effort into finding a romantic partner. How many people have you asked out on dates?

    Most statisticians agree that the minimum sample size to get any kind of meaningful result is 100. So you shouldn’t even begin to entertain the thought that you’re an incel until you’ve been rejected by at least 100 people while putting in a genuine effort to ask them out on a first date.

  21. What if you send us some photos from your everyday life and we’ll try and help from there

  22. Learning fosters empathy. Hate is usually a byproduct of misunderstanding and a feeling of victimization. Learn about what is happening on the other side and realize that it is no one else’s job to make you happy.

  23. Masturbation would be a start,that breaks the celibacy.
    Taking control of your life by doing stuff that you want to do.
    Leaving the incel communities that you’re a part of.

  25. If you’re feeling such hostility towards women that you classify yourself as an incel then you probably have deep rooted hostility towards yourself, learn to love yourself and work on figuring out why you feel such hatred towards anyone. Your main goal in life shouldn’t be finding a partner so try learn to enjoy your own company. When you feel like you are so unable to be compatible with anyone it can make you even more unattractive due to either trying too hard or making yourself unapproachable, sometimes you gotta fake it til you make it, try work on having conversations and being friendly towards people without expecting anything back, confidence is the most attractive thing to pretty much everyone, if you come across as approachable and easy to talk to people will be naturally drawn towards you. If your having the views of an incel you need to learn to forget those feelings, no woman wants a man that is misogynistic or has internal hatred towards them. Work on being comfortable with yourself and learn to like other people and the rest will fall into place

  27. Therapy – to work out the self esteem issues.
    Read feminist literature to deal with entitlement which is often associated With incelism. Bell Hooks all about love is amazing! Generally, you should seek out other narratives / sources that can challenge incelism and so on.

    Good luck, it’s great you want to change.

  28. OP i’m gonna be honest I’m 95% sure you’re autistic. You should look into a diagnosis.

  30. The answer to this question is likely so person-specific I’d say enlist some help. See a therapist and do the necessary work, whatever that may be for you. With the goal being self-improvement, mind you. The rest will come.

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