Jess was my best friend in school, she was outgoing, friendly and was friends with basically everyone. She named me her best friend and we’d hang out all the time outside of work/school and she was just awesome. I have other friend groups but we were something else. In January she moved down to England with her family for studies and other reasons but we kept in touch, last week she told us she was coming up to our hometown for a week to see us all and we were all ecstatic! She asked me privately if i wanted to hang out a couple hours before the other arrived and I said yes. We had a great time then went and met with the others, we were all standing around talking, catching up when Sarah, a close friend asked if I was coming to dinner, I didn’t know about this dinner so I asked her about it and told me “oh Jess invited us all to go to a restaurant tonight aren’t you coming?“ I was confused and upset so I just told her I had other plans and I didn’t let it spoil the day. They’re at Dinner right now, I saw their instagram stories and I cant help but feel left out. I’m feeling pretty shit about it and I keep wondering Why wouldn’t she invite me? Do I bring it up with Jess? Or do I just let it go?
9 comments
It sounds like it could have just been a mistake. She reached out to hang out with you 1:1 earlier in the day, it seems unlikely that she would intentionally leave you out of something. You can ask her about it just to clear the air, but if something like this happens in the future – just check in the moment.
I don’t think you were left out intentionally. You just jumped to the wrong conclusion.
She might have assumed that since you were already hanging out before others arrived, you you would be coming for the dinner too, wo she didn’t ask that explicitly, just assumed you’d be going.
Infor:how did you part with the group? Did you say anything to her, or just said you have to go before the dinner got discussed in the group?
Your best bet is to just straight up ask your friend, maybe it was an honest mistake, or maybe she’ s not as good of a friend as she claims
It could have been a mistake, like she assumed you would come along and didn’t need to plan in advance. Just let her know that you didn’t tag along because you were not specifically invited in advance. And next time ask her to tell you either way, if you are invited so you will come, or if you are not being invited because of conflicts and that’s why you are meeting separately in advance. Let her know you are okay either way, as long as she tells you in advance, so you know what to expect and can plan accordingly. (You will also know by her answer how you want to treat relations with her.)
She assumed you would come along to the dinner, you assumed she didn’t want you there
CLARIFICATION: Was it the same place you met or somewhere different?
I mean, doesn’t asking someone to hand out before others arrive mean that you are still invited to hang out with the others as a group? So you often find yourself thinking that people around you are very mean or are they actually mean? You might benefit from some therapy, I used jump to conclusions as well before starting therapy and medication
something similar happened to me, I asked if i could come, the friend asked the host and the host said they’d be happy for me to come. Not sure why I wasn’t invited from the start but in the end we had a good time. I think maybe your friend simply forgot? If she’s a really good friend I think it’s worth asking.
I think she assumed you would join.
She asked you if you wanted to hang out one-on-one before everyone else arrived. So, I think she assumed you would be going. I guess she forgot to mention the restaurant part of the evening.
You should have asked her about it in the moment.
So talk with her tomorrow to clear the air. She might be thinking that you dumped her for the evening.