Husband says there’s not one thing he likes about me.

13 comments

1. Does he routinely say unkind things and tear you down or was this a first event? It sounds as if you two have been having a rough year and are handling it poorly. Are either or both of you seeing someone about your mental health? Have you considered marriage counseling? This doesn’t sound like it’s going to fix itself, you both need to put in some real effort here, for the kid’s sakes, if not your own.

2. You can be the ripest peach of the bunch, and someone won’t like peaches.

   Believe him and move on. He’s obviously no longer happy with things so if you both can’t to do the work together to fix things, gift him a divorce.

3. The side effects you listed are enough to make a husband forget that there are any good traits. By your description he is overworked, depressed and his wife can hardly stop gaming and make it out of bed and wont have sex with him because its degrading. If you want solutions instead of feminist telling you what you want to hear, it wouldnt be hard to make him change his tune.

4. This sounds super tough and that is an awful thing for a husband to say. It is supremely hurtful.

   You took on the birth control responsibility of the relationship and it gave you side effects. You are still doing many other things and caring for children! I would say he should pitch in a bit more as he lives in this house too. Maybe that would make you feel better. You sound like you are coping the best you can while juggling many other responsibilities, sounds like you could use a break

5. So much of this resonates with me. My husband and I are currently separated and have been for 2 months now, going on three. Prior to the separation I had been staying with my mother because I got sick and he couldn’t stay home to help care for me due to a new job. He wasn’t talking to me very much, and prior to me being sick he wasn’t showing me a lot of attention or affection.

   My husband and I both work full-time jobs, he also works side jobs as an independent contractor (Amazon Flex and Doordash), and keeping up with the majority of house chores set by his mom (we were living with his family). I worked a full-time job that wasn’t far from my mom’s house, but was almost an hour away from our house, I was traveling 4 hours a day round trip, on top of working a full 8 hours and having to get up much earlier than normal just to get to work.

   I also have multiple disabilities; epilepsy, type 2 diabetes, and degenerative disc disease just to name a few; along with mental health problems such as depression and anxiety disorder which make it difficult for me to get anything done if I’m not on a schedule. The harder I tried to get onto a routine and schedule, the more it was thrown off. It got to the point that I wasn’t able to perform any cleaning duties, nor was I able to perform any cooking duties because the house was always filthy from other people and apparently I was expected to clean up after everyone. I was so exhausted during the week, that by the time the weekend rolled around, I just wanted to rest. I was also attempting to help take care of my mom as she had been injured at work, and was recovering from a broken orbital socket.

   My husband has told me in the past that he does still love me and cares about me, but has been unsure if he is still in love with me. We will be going to couples counseling hopefully within the next week. He was the one man who used to make me feel beautiful, and at one point before the separation he made me feel like the ugliest person in the world and like I wasn’t wanted. So since the separation he had been requesting space and that’s what I’ve given him. I moved out of the house and back in with my mother until he could figure out what he wanted to do. And currently have turned my life and everything over to my religion.

   I’m so sorry that your husband it’s just being so mean to you, and not more understanding of how you feel and what you are going through. I continuously say that if more people were understanding to other situations, I honestly think the world would be a much better place.

   I am so sorry that you’re going through this, but just know that you are not alone. If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to reach out, I’ve been told that I’m a great listener.

6. Seems like both of you are hurting from something and don’t really know how to cope with that so your kinda taking it out on each other. Try doing the small simple things again with one another the stuff that helped you fall in love. Go on a vacation if you can and do nothing but relax with each other. It’s a rut that marriages go through hopefully it doesn’t last long but if you are really committed to making it work then it will.

   Same thing happened to my wife because of the pill she got off it we still had issues but after some therapy things got so much better.

7. Have you both considered therapy? Individual and couples. Also both of you should have a complete head to toe physical with your BC being addressed. Maybe a nonhormonal form of birthcontrol being considered.

8. Auch… So hé is basically telling you that the only thing hé likes about you is your body?

   Please get out… This home you live in is bad for your mental health. You have to get better and do what is best for you now. And hé isnt that.

9. Go to marriage counseling

10. >But I’m not a unreasonable person. I still have fun, laugh, do things with the kids and my husband, cook every night, we ride motorbikes together, I maintain the garden to an OK degree, and I let him know I care about him.

    Spending time together and taking care of home responsibilities is wonderful and it shows that you care! But for me personally, I had to learn, that cooking everyday (while it’s important for our health, and we both need to eat) and cleaning the house (again important for having a nice and comfortable home to live in) is not the same as rubbing my husband’s back or touching his face and saying I love you. Often times I think we conflate responsibilities with “I’ve been doing all of these things for us”, but it’s not the same as giving attention or showing affection. That’s my experience. My husband appreciates that I cook and clean and take care of stuff, but it’s the connection to him that makes him feel loved. I would cook, clean, take care of responsibilities married or not, it’s not for *him*, it’s called living life. What I would do to make *him* feel loved is very different. That’s my take.

    I’m sorry he said such a hurtful thing to you, that’s hard to hear and it’s not exactly something you can unhear. Is he apologetic after realizing how hurt you are?

11. Maybe some MC where someone can help by directing your dialogue to help heal the divide

12. Fuck that. I had the same talk with my husband and he was like “oh I didn’t realize that, I think it all the time but maybe I should start saying it out loud.”

    There’s no need to be that mean. He knew he was being mean, and wanted to make you feel bad. Not cool.

13. For many of us sex and passion are the primary aspects of a relationship.

    In terms of needs wants and desires, sex and passion are literally the only two wordly needs or wants I’m incapable of fulfilling on my own.

    When that isn’t happening, it becomes hard to see the good things over the bad.