So I have these classes I go to everyday and I do have a pretty good friend group there
But they’re closer to each other than they are to me, and joke around with each other in a way they don’t with me (it’s because I’m not very outgoing and don’t really touch other people until I reach that stage).
I do have some common topics to talk about with them, but I’m too shy and I fear that they won’t have fun talking to me.
How do I overcome this? I’ve been trying to talk to them more in class and I send them one or two memes a week too
But I wanna get to the ‘calling them if I’m bored’ or the ‘comfortable with touching them playfully (and platonically’ stage too
How?
3 comments
I wish I knew too. I’m so tired of my personality. I’m tired of trying to pretend to be OK with being an awkward introvert. I want to be charismatic damn it.
Immersion therapy. Smart brain doctor words for ‘jump in the deep end’.. you can’t drown at a table infront of other people though. It’ll suck, you’ll panic, you’ll fuck up, you’ll make some really unsavory awkward memories, but after a while (not actually thay long) you’ll adapt and eventually start to thrive in the presence of others
I’m convinced introvert and extrovert is bullshit. We are all variable ambiverts based on the stimuli, habits, people in our lives and predispositions we have. But that stuff can be changed, improved, swapped out etc. They are labels that make people believe they are set in their ways and that trying to change is futile because well, you=introvert. So what’s the point considering the description of introversion.
It’s bull. If you want to make a change bad enough, you can. Every great/successful man or woman who came from nothing and isn’t totally rotten as a result of their success will tell you the same.
It’s about will, effort and consistency. And self awareness but you have thay covered already!
As long as you keep focusing on the fact you are shy, you will end up acting that way. People will notice and feel that vibe coming from you. People notice the way you carry yourself and the vibes you give off. When you are nervous/anxious/overthinking/worrying about who you are and what you are, your verbal and nonverbal actions tend to show it. If you keep acting this way, people will stop associating with you because it’s a negative vibe. You are essentially conveying that you are indeed unworthy to hold a conversation with them or be around them and that they need to be constantly reassuring you. That’s not what you want to convey, and it’s nobody else’s job but your own to validate and reassure yourself. People gravitate towards self confidence, not anxiety.
Go out and Genuinely connect with people in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.