I 26M met this girl 29F on Bumble a couple days ago, had good natural conversation, so we decided to meet up for a couple of drinks last night. Honestly she looked even better in person, conversation flowed naturally again and we both enjoyed ourselves. As we were leaving the bar she asked if I wanted to hang at her place for a little but said she wasn’t going to sleep with me, so I said sure. A little into our show she starts to get touchy feely, we start to kiss but it just wasn’t flowing at all, she then pulls my junk out and tries to give me head but it was no joke the worst I’ve ever experienced, by far, and the sex was no better. She couldn’t make me finish so I just had to jerk myself off at the end. Don’t know if she was just inexperienced or what, but as a guy with high sexual needs I know this won’t work. Thing is she’s texting me the next day and I don’t know how to let her down easily without hurting her feelings, and obviously I don’t wanna tell her she was bad?
39 comments
“hey! Sorry, I don’t think we’re a good match. Good luck out there though!”
No further explanation needed. Don’t say it’s because the sex was bad.
Just say you’re not a good fit. You don’t need to tell her the sex was awful.
Just give her the standard. I think youre a really nice girl i just dont feel were that compatible.
tell her: sorry, you just weren’t feeling it
If it were me I’d like you to confront me plus who hasn’t had awkward sex that isn’t good? Honesty and good communication is the key to every relationship or potential relationship.
Definitely add something positive before saying you want to end things or else you’ll sound blunt (unless you don’t care then just be direct). I’d say something along the lines that you enjoyed your time together and she seems nice but you’re not really feeling it or don’t feel like you guys are compatible.
If you like her, give it another go. She might have just been nervous. I think it’s super harsh to write a person off after just one session.
It’s my absolute honest belief that almost anyone is teachable when it comes to sex. Unless they were disregarding your boundaries or just being obnoxiously gross/weird about something, then it’s not very difficult to guide a new partner to help you feel good. In fact that’s one of the funnest parts about having sex with someone new, getting to figure them out and what they like. If the sex was truly THAT BAD then you don’t even have to bring it up, nor should you consider bringing it up. Just a simple “Hey I enjoyed my time with you, I think you’re a great person who’d make a good partner for someone else but I honestly just didn’t feel a connection.” That’s it. Anything else would truly just make you an asshole. If she presses you further I’d just fall back on the emotional aspect, because while you may not have enjoyed it making any rude comments based off of your preferences when it comes to sex are hurtful. Again, people are teachable, especially if they like you. I’d personally do just about anything to help my partner cum but we obviously won’t ever have a chance to get there if they were to base it off of one session and didn’t communicate how to make it better during or even before/after.
Well, you have two options.
Either A) just let her down and say that you’re not compatible or B) if you had a connection and maybe want to see things further, the next time your intimate try and give her tips on what you like.
Again, either or is fine.
I‘m 28f and very inexperienced with Sex too. I started dating and even kissing late last year so there is a lot I need to catch up on. I‘m still learning and I‘m sure she is willing to learn too if you give her the chance. If it’s just because of the sex and you really like her all around then try to work on the sex together. Sex like any skill can be practiced while matching personality doesn’t.
If sex still doesn’t work out for you after a few months of regular dates then you can still break up with her for other reasons that might arise later.
I mean idk man, seems kinda harsh to just write her of like that, after only one session, it was your first time together maybe she was really nervous or something. Also how’s she supposed to know what you like and how you like it ?
She can learn and she is willing. Teach her.
Do you have any kinks? Bring those up. Either she will run for the hills or you can teach her how to get kinky with you in all the right ways.
Get ready for her to assume all you want is sex.
Take the lead and show her what’s up bro
Cmon man, you call yourself experienced and then, need others to finish you?
I’m a 29 year old woman who for the longest time, couldn’t figure out why I’d get ghosted, or wouldn’t get a 4th or 5th date. This girl might be in that place considering she didn’t want to hook up, but then did anyway. She might have an inkling that it’s something about hooking up too soon that’s making dudes run away.
If it were me, I’d want someone to tell me what I’m doing wrong, rather than have yet another dude tell me they don’t see it going any further. Cause if I wasn’t told the truth, I’d just think I’d been used/pumped and dumped. That’s honestly worse than getting the opportunity to say:
“I totally understand. I’m inexperienced and maybe we’re not compatible in that department. Thanks for being honest.”
OP, no offense but you sound pretty inexperienced when it comes to sex. Why was it bad? Giving no details is like saying a meal was bad. Was it too salty, greasy, underdone, like wtf was wrong? “Bad” doesn’t tell anyone shit and leads me to suspect that whether you came is literally the only metric you use to judge the quality of a first time. Which is amateur af.
It’s a bit odd to expect the first time to be that great and an indicator of what lies ahead. What matters is establishing whether each of you were into it. If you’re both trying to please each other (no one’s starfishing or trying to just use the other person for their selfish pleasure) and are not wildly incompatible, that’s a solid foundation for you both to get much better.
You also said nothing about how much she enjoyed things. Were you any good? It’s rare for a guy to rock a girl’s world while just thinking things were bad for himself. Even if she acted like you were doing a good job, she might also have been faking or just gotten herself off.
There’s a lot of factors here and you not opining on any of them really points in the direction of “this guy isn’t good in bed and doesn’t know it.” Sorry, but if you give more details maybe we can help.
You may want to tell her the truth… but offer yourself as… practice material.
She’s good otherwise, right?
Good sex is learned. If nobody gives her feedback, how would she know what to improve?
If you have the free time, and if she’s willing, why not TEACH HER how you want the BJ to go? Where to apply the pressure, etc.
She may be grateful for you if you manage to teach her, and you would’ve gained a better partner as a result. The drawback is… you may have to go blue balls for a little while… But hopefully not too long.
Do NOT ghost her. She’d think you’re “pumped and dumped” her. Do NOT lie to her either. She should hear the truth, and she probably never did before. Just that alone, would make you the good guy.
Do you feel a sexual connection/flirty with her outside sex? If yes then there’s something good to build on! You can show her what you like, “I prefer it if you do ___”. Also you mention you had to jerk yourself off. Did she get to come too? It’s likely that she’s also thinking it wasn’t great but likes you enough as a person to continue to try to build something together. Ask yourself whether you like her enough as a person to continue. Good luck.
Just saying, (made up statistic but probably close to accurate) like 95% of women have to coach their partner on how to get them off. Even men with more experience than myself have needed my help guiding them. Everyone is different and maybe she was doing what her last partner liked. We all need constructive criticism now and again.
Sexual technique can be taught. If you like her and she’s willing, give it a go.
First time I had sex with my ex-wife, it was honestly horrible. I had MUCH more experience going into the relationship. But she was a keeper in all other regards. We worked on it and she got better quickly. Years later, we had the best sex I’ve ever had (usually simultaneous orgasms, truly open with each other, shared desire to support each other’s kinks that we discovered together, etc).
Edit: My advice based on experience – as long as she’s open minded enough to take feedback and learn, don’t worry about it.
I had the same issue with my current girlfriend but I’m still with her today. It may seem awkward but communication is key with this sort of thing you can’t just base one bad experience on how a relationship might go or develop. Just let her know what gets you off or things she can do to make the experience enjoyable for the both of you.
It’s pretty sad that the ultimate deal breaker for you is one bad roll in the hay, especially when everything else exceeded your expectations. It’s possible she was trying to impress you and had performance anxiety. Maybe she was pushing herself to do one better since she really seemed to like you, too, but it just didn’t work out. Honestly, you’re being very judgmental for just having met this girl and I would either give it more time or acknowledge sex is your no. 1 priority and date only with that top of mind because that’s what it seems like.
There is nothing inherently wrong with that, before you get annoyed. But many* people see sex as one slice of the pie and something they’re willing to experiment with over at least a few dates before calling it quits.
Two options as I see it, be a teacher and vocally express what you want and how she should do it and tell her to do the same or bounce, choice is yours bud
Did you just lay there like a dead fish, or did you actively participate in any of it? Like if it was going that badly why didn’t you tell her what to do better, or just take the lead? Lacking sexual chemistry is a valid reason to move on, but you have to give it a fair shot. And the first time with someone new isn’t always great.
I think the question you want to ask yourself, and then answer, is…. What do I really want at this point in my life?
Is it lots of great sex with different partners?
I want to settle down with one person?
Just having fun, and if the right one comes along, go with it?
The bottom line is you have to do you.
Know who you are and what you want.
You cannot control what she, or anyone else, wants or does. You control you, and your life.
Honesty is always the best policy.
Don’t be rude or cruel.
It’s ok to say the sexual chemistry doesn’t feel right for you, or whatever is the driving issue.
Look her in the eyes and be honest.
And kind. You’ll feel better, and she gets something positive out it as well.
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So, you are expecting a total stranger to know how you expect to be touched? If she isn’t experienced it makes sense she may not be that good. And most women don’t climax from sex with strangers, so I don’t think you should complain about that either. If you value her for anything more than just sex then you should talk to her and show her.
I don’t believe 1 sexual act can tell you if you will be compatible long term unless they don’t respect your boundaries or you are really into something they aren’t.
It’s not like it is in the movies where everyone has great sex off the bat🤣 sometimes the first time can be total trash but given a chance can be the best ever😁
Worst head how? A lot of women struggle with this and guys like it different ways? If we dont know what you like, wouldnt either
Two points:
One, when i clicked to comment there were already 69 comments, so, *nice*.
But two, and more importantly, sex is an activity. It’s something people don’t just start good at. You have to learn how to do it right, and if you think *your* performance was good then you’re **deeply mistaken.**
If you found somebody you want to keep in your life then the two of you together can get better at sex by making your preferences known, and doing your best (within your comfort level) to accommodate the desires of your partner(s–i don’t judge). It’s clear you two didn’t communicate these things ahead of time.
Since its your first time together, and as such there’s **no way** you had this conversation in advanced (because we’re having to have it now), and as such no way to you could possibly have gone into that bed knowing and appealing to her preferences. Just as she had no way to know and appeal to yours. So, there’s ***no possible way*** you weren’t also just as shit in bed as you’re claiming she was.
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Did she finish?
‘As guy with high sexual needs’ it was your first time you were drinking I’m experienced do you know how hard it is to keep jerking a dudes cock when you are drunk as a skunk? Let alone playing with a pussy. You are as shallow as they come and that girl is lucky to not have to have a second date with you
Not every first time with someone is great. Besides the sex, do you get along with her?
Honestly, if you clicked on a personality level, you ought to consider staying with her and trying to improve on the sex part. She could get better with practice, especially if you tell her what she did wrong and such (just be gentle and constructive about it).
Teach her you idiot
Dude don’t be so quick to toss her aside. If she is everything you wanted but the sex is not quite there then it’s your responsibility as a man to communicate with her and show her the ways that make you feel good.
No one is perfect and you will never find the perfect situation or person we are each perfect in our imperfections.