I don’t want to wear a bra anymore because it’s uncomfortable and I don’t need it, my bust doesn’t need any support. My boyfriend doesn’t like it and he’s constantly shaming me for it. He tells me that “I’m asking for it and all the men are constantly looking at my bust area”. I was pretty ashamed and I started to wear a bra again but it’s making me pretty uncomfortable because it’s cutting my skin and I feel cramped. I wondered if not wearing a bra is actually vulgar or if it’s just my bf’s insecurities. I’m very interested in what other men think about it. I just don’t won’t to be vulgar, but also want to feel comfy.
49 comments
No, you’re not asking for it. Your body = your choice. We should learn how to stop sexualizing EVERYTHING on women’s bodies đȘ
Your BF is an asshole. If you arenât going to dump him, then tell him to wear a bra for a week (sure he doesnât need one, but same with you!) and see whether his mindset changes.
No absolutely not! Wearing clothes you’re comfortable in doesn’t give other people permission to do anything to your body or somehow give then the right to stare.
And it certainly doesn’t give your bf the right to shame you for being comfortable! He has no right to put you down, and if he’s bothered by people looking at you he should find a way to deal with his insecurities or tell *them* to stop staring at your boobs.
If your “boyfriend” is shaming you over the lack of wearing a bra just imagine what else you do or don’t do that will be the thing to be shamed for. He is just a boyfriend not your husband or even a fiance to be shaming anyone for anything. Most likely his true reasons for this is rooted in insecurity and is afraid another male will be staring at your tits. Either way boyfriends and girlfriends are like busses that come and go through out your life and if you don’t like the route / ride you’re being offered on one the next bus just might get you closer to your next stop.
Your bf is just insecure. He knows guys are pervy and your boobs will be stared at if your nipples are poking through your top. I notice it all the time when I go out without a bra on.
In the end, itâs your body and you can do whatever you want. He should just be proud that heâs got a gf that guys want to stare at haha!
If you walked down the street naked you still wouldn’t be asking for it. Your boyfriend is an insecure asshat. Your body your choice.
you wouldnât be âasking for itâ if you walked around butt ass naked.
I think there’s three main points here:
– No, you’re not ‘asking for it’ by not wearing a bra, you’re entitled to dress how you want, and it’s fine to go braless if you don’t want to wear a bra, you’re not *deserving* of harassment.
– Your boyfriend is likely not actively observing you dress every day, and noting your choice of bra or not, so it *is* probably evident to him, and others who see you clothed, that you’re not wearing a bra. People may sometimes sexualize braless women. That said, people may also sometimes sexualize women who wear skirts, or show cleavage, or wear swimsuits, etc. Ultimately, you have little choice in who is going to sexualize your appearance, and I’m doubtful ‘braless’ is substantially different than other clothing choices you’re making and not actively worrying about.
– Your bra probably shouldn’t be that uncomfortable. Fundamentally, if you wanted to resolve ‘both’ of your issues (though it’s fully *your* choice whether or not to respect his ‘issue’ here), the most reasonable solution would probably be a non-wire, soft bra that has a correct band size, so it doesn’t dig in and hurt you. Maybe *he* should buy it, because you’re apparently quite happy with going braless anyway.
(Some) Men stare or feel entitled to our bodies no matter what. Thatâs their problem, not womenâs. Your boyfriend would do well to accept that.
Wear what you want.
Your boyfriend is a douche. The only time youâre ever âasking for itâ is when you open your mouth and ask for it.
Your clothes don’t determine your consent , as simple as that.
Jesus. No.
I would question your boyfriend and his morals; women are never âasking for itâ unless they are explicitly asking for it.
This reeks of insecurity and projection.
Ugh. I hate this so much. I pretty much stopped wearing a bra too, with the exception of when Iâm at work. If men want to look thatâs their problem, not mine. Iâm not flaunting it. What, did you not think I had nipples? Surprise! The days of us sacrificing our comfort to accommodate or cater to men are long gone. Tell your boyfriend to go eat rocks and free the nip, girl.
I never wear a bra. He should b supportive tho âŠ..
No you are not asking for itâŠ
Completely different noteâŠif your bra is uncomfortable get sized by a pro. My wife and daughter swear by itâŠ
âAsking for itâ? No. Is it possible men will notice and/or look? Yes. But unless that bothers you Iâd rather go for whatâs comfortable.
Your boyfriend basically blamed rape on what women are wearing. Thatâs everything you need to know about this man.
It’s very rare I wear bras and I’ve got more than a handful. You might want to get measured for the next bra you wear though as they shouldn’t be uncomfortable.
Your body, you choose what clothes you wear and what you don’t want to wear
Short answer: no. You don’t have to wear a bra if you don’t want to. It sounds like your partner is insecure.
I also stopped wearing a bra. I have small breasts so I don’t feel the need and got so used to not wearing one during quarantine – I don’t want to go back
I make sure however that my nipples don’t show through the shirt. It’s no problem with a lose shirt. With a tight shirt or one without any print/light color I might wear a tight tanktop underneath, to keep the nipples a bit contained.
You can also look into some really comfortable type bras without tight bands or metal rods. Some are basically just a little top with double layer fabric on the breast. I wear these if I go to a fancier event or wear something too revealing. You can also totally wear them on their own too!
You can never ask for it. The concept is used to shame into dressing more modest ( by insecure men )
Or to victim blame women who get assaulted/harassed.
I am as horny as a man can get, I have never harassed or harmed a woman physically.
Libido is no excuse, what she wears is no excuse.
Men that think like that need to grow the hell up and develop some self-control.
Ohh and lots of times women dress in a way that makes them look beautiful or sexy. It’s because they are trying to cheer themselves up and feel better about how they look.
It’s not because they want Male attention.
Heâs being a jerk, this just In, if your GF is attractive she could walk around wearing a burlap bag with no makeup, men will still look and stare. He needs to get over his issues.
It’s just going to cause relationship friction with no upside.
Show your asshat bf this: https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/
I havenât wore a bra in years. The few time
Itâs brought up to me I was honest and told them if they liked bras that much they could wear one themselves. I donât like bras. I donât see why I have to wear one but itâs okay for them to walk around topless. Your bf is being an ass. Itâs not your fault that his that insecure about himself and itâs not your fault if other people have a staring problem. If you donât want to wear a bra donât wear one. If his going to shame you for that then I would do it back to him and see how he likes it.
OMFG. No. That’s idiotic. I stopped wearing a bra like 18 months ago. They’re uncomfortable and unnecessary, and I had been wearing them for like 3 decades and got tired of it. Your natural body is not vulgar, everyone has nipples. If people are being lecherous, that’s THEIR ISSUE. Perhaps instead of putting back on your bra, you should consider getting rid of it for good, and while you’re at it get rid of your boyfriend.
Your BF is a dick. I moved to a city where no one wears a bra. No one cares.
The fact that you are questioning if this is acceptable behavior on his part is concerning. I don’t mean to say that you are doing anything wrong and I’m not judging you. I’m just suggesting that you explore setting boundaries for yourself. This guy sounds like he’s got some real issues, and what he is saying is definitely controlling and not his decision to make.
Nobody is ever âasking for itâ. If the bra makes you uncomfortable, donât wear one. If he canât handle other men looking at you knowing that heâs the one you go home to, then thatâs his issue, not yours.
Bras definitely shouldnât be that uncomfortable. I recommend going on the site A Bra That Fits, they have super helpful and detailed sizing system to make sure you have the right fit in any type of bra. If you do want to wear bras again, I recommend opting for wireless or bralettes, theyâre more comfortable.
The choice is up to you, itâs your body. Youâre not asking for it just because youâre not wearing a bra. Itâs whatever makes you comfortable. When you donât wear a bra, are you wearing looser shirts or skin tight shirts? Iâve seen an old friend of mine never wear a bra, which is fine, but then wore super skin tight shirts so you could see the outline of her nipple, if youâre similar, I wonder if thatâs your boyfriends concern, or if he just is uncomfortable with it in general no matter the style shirt. Worth a conversation getting to the heart of both of your concerns. But again, your body, your choice. Up to both of you to decide if itâs a deal breaker
OP, what is this patriarchal bullshit. You can dress however you want and deem comfortable and appropriate for the social situation youâre in, regardless of what anyone else â your boyfriend included â takes issue with.
If you love him and want to keep the peace of the relationship, try explaining to him that other men sexualizing you without you having control over it has nothing to do with you âaskingâ for anything. If he doesnât get it, itâs up to you whether to dump him or not. Telling somebody how to dress is controlling and potentially abusive behavior, and stems from their own insecurities and internalized misogyny.
Men will sexualize you no matter who you are, how your body looks, or how you dress. Thereâs no amount of covering up that will prevent that. Itâs a fact of life you learn to accept as a woman. Most men do not understand it, but someone who loves you will learn to accept it.
Be comfortable, love who you are and free the nipple! Our Puritanical culture and repressive attitudes towards women, like shaming, are outdated. Women have nipples. Men have nipples. Get over it women who shame other women. You are free to choose and free to disregard the opinions of others.
>He tells me that “I’m asking for it and all the men are constantly looking at my bust area”
he’s forcing jealousy to be your problem, but i wouldnt claim that to be the biggest issue here. or the bra, you do you.
i dont think you’ve really wrapped your head around what was said to you:
“i’m asking for it”
…..
your boyfriend, someone close to you, whom you should be able to trust and be comfortable with, has told you that your choice says you’re “asking for it.”
your boyfriend subscribes to the mentality that inappropriate male behavior is a woman’s fault. make strict dress codes for girls because boys cant be asked to behave. and if something happens to a girl in that context, well, “she was asking for it [looking like that].”
surely that is a much bigger problem than your undergarment choices making him upset.
It’s your bfs insecurities. My gf never wears a bra and idgaf
**No**. You’re not asking for it.
And your boyfriend is an asshole for saying that.
Yes, guys are pobably going to notice if you’re poking out of your shirt, but that’s probably it. How you dress is not an open invitation to be weird to you, and if someone does get out of hand, that’s his fault, not yours.
Have you accepted the fact that this harassment occurs to women whether you are fully clothed or not? If so, then the next step is to figure out whether your boyfriend is going to support you during those times.
You are allowed to wear what you want. Anybody who thinks dangly boobies is an invitation for sex are free to check themselves into their bedroom and fly solo as long as they need.
Our culture is so hell-bent on thinking breasts as the sexual object however, most cultures around the world don’t see breasts as a sexual thing. And they just see breasts as milk jugs.
As a fellow woman who hates bras – absolutely fucking not. A bra is a choice like any other piece of clothing. You wear what you like. Depending on your bent, you could either ignore it if men stare or it could be hot. If you don’t want to wear something, that’s reason enough not to wear it.
Why does he care? The male ego is pathetic sometimes.
All the women answering for her bf.. Fascinating. Predictable. Lol.
So since most of the replies are just people regurgitating bullshit theyâve heard and recycling it, im going to offer what I assume is your BFâs perspective.
1. No, you arent asking for it. But you are potentially inviting it. I wish we lived in fantasy world where you could wear what ever you wanted and your boundaries were respected. We know thats not true. Wearing any type of sexy outfit or especially showing your bust is a great way to grab a creeps attention. Warranted or not, its out of your hands how somebody else acts at that point. I wouldnt blame your bf if that is where he is coming from.
2. Are guys staring at you? If your going out in outfits and he feels like your unnecessarily attracting all other male gaze, yeah i might be a bit bothered by that as well. Granted your reasoning says otherwise, and im assuming you told him your reasons why you dont⊠but still. If your boyfriend was model status and chiseled and walked around everywhere shirtless and had women staring at him nonstop, you can lie, but im sure youd feel the same. I think this is something were you guys can find some type of middle ground. But yeah, I wouldnt entirely write off your bfâs feelings when he doesnt enjoy you being stared at by tons of dudes out in public. To him it probably feels like your trying to gather attention from people outside of him which yeah isnt very cool in a relationship.
Again, your not wrong but neither is he. I think this is definitely something you guys want to talk about and find some type of ground that makes you both comfortable.
This is what rape culture is, please leave him.
Donât you love insecure men trying to body shame a grown ass woman lol. Rock on girl, and let the girls breathe!
Flat no. Any time a partner is telling you “you’re asking for it” they’re earning a spot on the couch. Don’t wear a bra, especially if it’s causing you pain.
Hang on, back up. Your boyfriend is âconstantly shaming [you]â? Thatâs awful! You deserve to be treated better than that!
No. Absolutely not.
Bras are intended for the purpose of holding up your bust, and (supposed to) help your back not hurt as much. If you donât need one, donât wear one. Itâs not vulgar to show your nipples. Men show theirs all the time. đ€·ââïž
Ditch the boyfriend. And the bra. Live happy and free.
My god we are living in 2022. You have a right to wear as you feel comfortable.
Men are probably giving your breasts some extra looks, because breasts have been sexualized in this society. Not that they wouldn’t ogle them if you wore a bra; the only way to stop that is with a burqa.
Your bf may be anxious because that attention may become annoying and he thinks it’s his job to do something about it. Or it could be the usual “you’re my woman” BS.
In any case, “she was asking for it” is a misogynist lie. If it were true, anyone wearing a Rolex would be asking to be mugged, anyone driving a BMW would be asking to get carjacked, anyone with a nice house would be asking to be burglarized. Dress for your own comfort.
It is one of the more toxic societal expectations that women are responsible for menâs arousal, not the men themselves. Unless youâre specifically doing it for attention, youâre not asking for it.
Will men stare? They will. Most men also feel like if itâs visible it is their right to look. Our culture is also happily voyeuristic.
No. The answer is no. You wear what you want and your boyfriend should shut the fuck up. Itâs menâs responsibility to not be rapists and creeps, not the people they violate for looking a certain way. Humans are responsible for managing their own feelings.