Many people online and in real life say to not be desperate. But what is exactly bad about it?
In case of personal relationships isn’t it good that the person is eager and genuinely interested in interaction? This can be somewhat overwhelming, but this trait isn’t exclusive to desperate people, manipulators can also exhibit this (e.g. love bombing). That being said you have to vibe with that person for the whole situation to be pleasant, but we are talking about desperation.
In case of career/study isn’t it also a good quality that the person puts in all his abilities to use to be admitted to university, or be hired for a position, or to achieve any arbitrary goal?
It also makes a person more vulnerable, which is a drawback since he can be manipulated more easily, but that’s more about risk rather than making the said person “repulsive”.
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Look, “desperation” is always a turn of bc its about you and not me or us. Youre justifying being needy and out of control, fix that.
If something you do in a personal relationship resembles a tactic manipulators use, that’s repulsive and with good reason. Despair is always overwhelming. Think of drowning ppl and how they drag anybody who tries to save them under water with them.
Because desperate people don’t want to be with you, they only want to escape their loneliness. They just instrumentalize you, they are *far* from being genuine.
Because you’re perceived as a loser, and (too damn many) people love to reject and shit on losers (and “losers”) to feel better about themselves.
Because it means you’re probably not actually that interested in the person. You’re just taking whoever you can get.
Genuine interest is not the same as desperation. Genuine interest is about the prospective partner and their attributes, desperation is about the seeker’s needs. It’s a selfish thing, like someone drowning latching on to anyone nearby even if it just kills them both.
That said, they are weirdly not mutually exclusive and sometimes the behaviors can look similar, especially to someone more reserved being pursued by someone who is more enthusiastic whether it’s about that particular relationship or just things in general.
That confusion is why people worry about looking desperate, especially in the context of very early dates where the other person doesn’t know them well enough to really tell and often won’t be invested enough to take any risks.
Women want men other women want.
Best proof, buy a wedding ring
Because it communicates low status. And people don’t want to interact with low status people.
If you’re desperate it means other people don’t want you.
If other people don’t want you maybe they know something I don’t so I’m not going to want you either out of caution.
If someone is “desperate” to the point that it is obviously *showing*, they are essentially asking the other person to take *pity* on them. When you’re in the position of asking someone to take a chance on you, whether it’s by going on a date with you, giving you a job, etc., “Do it because ***I*** need it, and you should feel bad for me,” is not a very good case.
because it sends the message that nobody wants you, therefore “there must be something wrong with you”
Desperate people are primarily occupied with not being lonely, being interested in the person they’re with is either second priority, or not even a priority at all.
Plus, desperate people just tend to be annoying
people generally don’t like to feel directly responsible for anothers happiness. it makes being with them feel like a chore. with people that are interested but could take it or leave it, it seems easier. less of a weight on your shoulders.
Desperation leads to bad decisions, which leads to more desperation.