When I was a kid, teenagers seemed like a far off, grown-up age. Then when I was twenty, I still felt like a kid, but I looked at thirty years old’s as if they were truly ‘grown up’. I recently turned thirty, and still don’t feel that ‘grown man’ vibe that I had imagined everyone my age must feel. I am starting to think that it is just some idea, and that no matter how old you get, you are always still like a kid in some ways– whether it be jealousy or pettiness or silliness or incompetence and inadequacy.
In other words, no matter how long you live, will you always feel as though you’ll never be as smart/wise/strong as your father or your grandfather?
30 comments
I’m a 25yo with 27 years of experience.
I don’t feel like a kid anymore, though. Haven’t for a long time. And because I’m in IT, and have helped my elders with everything related to IT for decades, I feel like I hold my own with them in terms of ‘smarts/wise’. And I also put some effort into exercising regularly, so I feel pretty strong as well 🙂
Sometimes. Other times I feel like a 12 year old.
Absolutley not, I still think someday someone will tap me on the shoulder and tell me that I need to go back to class or ask if I need help finding my parents.
There are times where I feel like I make mature decisions and function like an adult, but there is still that ominous feeling of “I have no idea what I’m doing” that comes up.
Most of the time, yes. I’ve collected enough experience in life that most unexpected issues aren’t new and I know how to solve. That makes me feel like an adult.
The feeling of being like a “grown man” comes when you realize nobody is going to give you a driver’s license for life. You’re as grown as you behave.
Also, if you think “adults” aren’t jealous or petty, you need to meet more adults. Dealing with it while considering those around you is where the maturity comes in.
I think about this more than I’d like, but yes. I’m married, have kids, own a home (no picket fence but). I couldn’t have imagined I’d get here even a decade ago, let alone 25 years ago. There is certainly something to be said about life experience, responsibility and work ethic that changes perspective permanently.
Only when I look in the mirror.
Not really if i think of grown men as fathers and grandfathers, because Im not the type. I assume I’ll never be that or feel like it even figuratively. But I feel relatively in control of myself for what its worth
I just know the things that work for me aren’t especially mature, I do what I need to so I can live and then Im just kind of focused on myself and stuff I like
I have more education and more money and travelled to more places and started more business than my parents, but I’m like a boy playing these things.
It definitely switched at some point for me. Not only do I feel like an adult, but at some point I started viewing myself as the “adult” with respect to my parents and other older people in my life, kind of looking out for them or worrying about some of their decisions and realizing I’m going to have to take care of them if they fuck it up. It’s basically this realization that there’s no one else in charge, and as the one who has their shit mostly together, I’m kind of on the hook if anything goes wrong. It’s not really a great feeling, honestly.
I’m on the fence between “Yes, I feel like a grown man,” and “I’ve given up on the idea of feeling like a grown man, because I don’t know what a grown man is supposed to feel like but no matter how I feel I *am* a grown man so I’d goddamn well better act like one.”
I think that some skills fade and others come forward as generations turn over. There are some “manly” skills in which I doubt I will ever match up to my father or my father’s father. There are others in which I expect I already do better than either of them.
More like a Big Boy
Absolutely. I didn’t until about 24/25 though.
Yes and no, I still very often have to ask my dad or father in law for help with damn near everything, maturity wise and being a dad myself I’d say yes I feel like a grown man, but when it comes to fixing shit I have no clue, I’ve watched countless YouTube vids on fixing things and home improvement tips, but I still need to ask for help, and they seem to know exactly how to do it on the 1st try. Fake it til you make it I guess? Idk.
No.
I’m 36. It’s fine to get older, just don’t get old.
I think it ebbs and flows. When I’m around anyone who’s under 25, there’s a clear separation between my experience and theirs, and anyone who is college age or younger reallllllly seems like a kid.
​
On the flip side, when I’m with my friends who I’ve known since my teens or early 20’s, I still feel like I’m that age.
I’m much more mature than what I was in my 20s in many ways, thank God, because I was a major idiot. But a grown man? Nah. I’m still a dumb dumb.
Nope, 51 here. I don’t think I ever will, mainly because I’m not sure what constitutes feeling like a “grown man”. I mean, i have a gf, her young son lives with us, i pay bills, have a job and a cat. I also dress up in star wars armour and play video and war games. I paint minis and stress about the kid’s austism. I make dinner then play beat saber.
I do still occasionally look for the responsible adult, then realise it’s me.
I *do not* however, associate “being grown” with my father or grandfather.
recently, …yes.
I’m in my mid 40s. I’ve been employed full time since my early 20s. I’ve been with my wife in a good marriage for almost 20 years. I’m a father to two awesome kids. I pay my bills and have little debt.
But I still basically feel mostly the same as I did when I was about 15 years old. I’m more experienced and hopefully wiser, but I’ve often wondered if there will ever be a point where i get more comfortable and feel like I’m really an adult. Not there yet.
Old people are just young people trapped in old people bodies.
no, i fake it till i make it and it’s been working so far.
More mature than in my 20s for sure, but no I don’t. I haven’t achieved any of the markers I feel earn that.
Physically or mentally?
Like others, the response is complicated. I know what you’re describing – that the age you are, as you once imagined it earlier in life, seems much different.
Even more similarly, when I was 30-32 and had owned 3 homes (two at once during a move, that we ended up renting the larger home since it wasn’t selling), husband, father of two young kids, and sole provider for the family… I kept asking why I didn’t feel like a man. This is as grown up as it can be, and yet I feel like I’m still 20. And part of you I think will always feel younger than you are.
It wasn’t until I was divorced, living on my own, with her expectation that I would fail miserably without her even as she cast me aside that I realized how much everyone depended on me. Even now at the ripe old age of 34, I am master of my destiny and still in most ways the bedrock of the family, including for my ex wife. Cause if she loses her job, she can take me to court. If I lose my job, she can take me to court. It’s in this realization that with or without a spouse, your family’s wellbeing is on your back that you finally say, “this sucks, but what else can you do?” And that’s when it all clicked.
When you do the right thing even for those that have wronged you, or when you are looking out for people who aren’t even immediate family, you’re being a man. When you act with maturity and prudence, you’re being a man. These things are really just descriptions of adult behavior, not gender specific.
But since this is an askmen sub, I figured I’d tailor it accordingly.
If you don’t depend on any other individual for food, shelter, and other necessities in life, you’re an adult. If others are relying on you for that as well, you’re even more an adult. Having the comfort to not even recognize how monumentally important you are to your own life and that of others is what, to me anyway, means you’re on the verge of recognizing your true state.
No one relies on a 22 year old, and few rely on 30 year olds. So place yourself in terms of responsibility and capability today contrasted with who you were at 22. Where you sit today vs that 22 year old you is how you’ll know.
Because unfortunately, no one sends a welcome card to let you know the obvious.
The truth is that no one knows what they are doing and everyone is looking for the adults/authority for guidance. I’m 41 and still sometimes think, “When I grow up…”
We’re all just winging it. There is so much to life and this world, nobody can be an expert in everything. I don’t care who you talk to, anybody out there at best is really, really good at maybe only one or two things. Even then, those people tend to be really, really bad at other things that maybe you and I would consider to be basic and common sense. IMO, all you can do is just keep chugging along, learn along the way. and hopefully things will feel easier as you get older.
I still feel like an adult for sure just not what I perceived when I grew up seeing my parents.
Bills, Living on my own, and dealing with problems on my own. Mindset is I want to have fun and enjoy life though.
I have nostalgia issues where I wish I could go back to when I was a kid and had no responsibilities. Or hit the lottery and be set and then I can do that.
I’m 43 and still feel like I’m in my 20s mentally.
33 and nope