I do realize that this might mean different things for different people and for many, it’ll actually mean what it says: that they’re open to kids (but not attached to the idea). I guess my real question is as someone who is 35F and knows that I definitely want a child within the next 5 years, should I be dating men who say they’re “open to kids” (and not ready at the moment) or should I be drawing a hard line at only exploring relationships with men who say they “want kids”?
Edit: I don’t necessarily mean this in an OLD context. This was had over a conversation with someone I’ve been on a few dates with.
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I think you should talk to them about it
for me, “don’t want kids” is an automatic swipe left but if they put “open to kids” or leave it blank and I’m otherwise interested , I’ll swipe right and ask them more about it. I don’t see many people who put “want kids” on their profiles though so if I did that might change my answer!
I have a couple friends who are “open to kids”. They said that they are okay with no having kids but if they meet the right person who wanted kids then they would be down with that. One of them has a kid now and he is a good father.
Unfortunately, I have found “open to kids” really means they didn’t want kids but are not having luck finding anyone. So they change their status to get more matches.
You will know when someone is looking to have kids. The excuses will be none and they won’t have some lame BS to spout either. I personally think the choice of wanting kids or not is binary. You either really want them, or you don’t really want to.
“Open to kids” for me means just that. They’re open to the idea, not dead set on having kids, but also explicitly not opposed to it.
I think it’s absolutely fine for you to date someone who says this, but during the first few dates I would definitely discuss having children in more detail. You’ll get a better feel for where a guy is at when talking to him, I believe that a short label like “open to kids” is not enough to draw any conclusions.
There’s varying degrees of “Open to kids” Everywhere from “I could see it happening someday” to “I want kids, like, now” and other in-betweens like open t`o adoption or dating a single mom.
Personally, I don’t feel a deep, biological yearning to have kids and there’s no family pressure to pass on my name or lineage or anything like that. I think i’d be a good dad and I’d be open to adoption, someone who already has kids or a blended family situation.
If it is important to you, its worth asking their take on it. At `35, a man ought to have some idea of how the kid question looks for him.
35m a part of me wants to have kids but I would rather live my life without having children then have children with someone that I don’t think would make a good mother. (In my opinion most parents are in fact shitty parents). I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably never meet someone who can live up to my standards on the kid thing but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t be happy with this person in a childless relationship.
If I said open to kids to you it would mean that I haven’t decided yet if I would be willing to have kids with you.
For me starting on the backside of my 40s it prob won’t happen but with the right person who knows. Life is weird
For me “open to kids” means that they don’t mind if the other person has a kid already. Not that they want to have one themselves. But is my interpretation 😄
I have a kid and for a while I definitely wanted more. But now I’m old and tired! So now my profile says I’m “open to kids” which means if I meet someone who really wants kids, I’m down and ready for more but if i meet someone who really doesn’t want (more) kids, then that’s fine too. If I’m still single in 5 years, I’ll probably shift to the “no (more) kids” camp.
All that said, being open to kids doesn’t necessarily mean not being ready at the moment. This is a conversation you’ll need to have to clarify exactly what it means for him.
That’s very vague and open. You should ask for more details
For me, it means I’ll have kids if you really want to, then years later, say “well you wanted kids!”when we are running late cause they won’t get ready in time or set the house on fire.
I’m too nervous to try anything with anyone who has open to kids on their profile. I’m 100% childfree, and I won’t have a guy suppress his wish to have kids and then resent me later on in life, or try to change my mind, or god-forbid sabotage my bc.
It’s just safer for me to weed out anyone who doesn’t put a no to kids on their profile.
open to kids means a conversation about having children. for many people i know having the right conditions to have children comes first – time to care for children, a house big enough, not relying on grandparents to care for children, enough money, and sometimes the hard conversation of including the split custody of future unborn children in a prenuptial agreement before marriage.
if you’ll be living in Ohio or Idaho where 3 bedroom 2 bath houses are $80k and everyone has steady income, at least one parent can care for the children, then children are sound. if you’re living in LA or New York where a 3 bd 2 bath is $2.1 million and you have gig jobs/work off hours/work weekends, and grandparents/babysitters are mandatory, then children seem less sound.
My “open to kids” = I’m okay if you already have them. I don’t want any of my own.
I get the impression that alot of my fellow men give hedging answers to big questions like this in order to increase the probability of getting a potential partner in front of them.
I would take “open to kids” to mean that if you’re open to cultivating a partnership with me, I’m open to having kids with you.
For me i generally don’t want kids but am open to having kids in the right situation
I find it means something different to everyone. And that makes sense, because having kids is a very personal decision!
I have open to kids on my profiles because, while I want kids, having them is a decision I want to make with a partner. I opt to not match with anyone who straight up doesn’t want kids, but if someone else is open I’m game! If I hit it off and fall in love, but kids comes off the table later, I feel I’d be okay with that. I want to prioritize a happy, healthy relationship over having kids.
But that’s just me. I’d say talk to the other person about your desire for kids and find out where they stand. Then you can decide from there if you want to continue pursuing relationship with them.
I’m a guy in his mid-30s who wants kids. I’m in a relationship now but when I was on the apps before this, I only swiped right on women who definitely knew they wanted kids. After dating someone who was on the fence, I realized it wasn’t for me. I want a family. It’s not a negotiation for me. I don’t want to date people who are in my age range who don’t have a solid idea of what they want. I also don’t want to be in my fifties when this happens so I don’t want to “waste time” with people who may change their mind at some point after investing years into each other.
I am M37 and in the “open to kids” demographic. In my early 30s I really wanted children but as I moved into my mid-30s sort of come to the realization that it might not happen and come to just be happy with whatever the outcome is. I still lean toward wanting children, but every year it sort of moves in the opposite direction a little. Basically, if I had a partner that has children and doesn’t want anymore that would be great. If I had a partner that wanted her own children that would be great. If I had a partner that wanted to be child free that would be great too.
This is sort of the answer that I give to someone on the first few dates. If you really want kids, I wouldn’t exclude someone in the “open to kids” category unless you had a little more insight into their perspective.
I’m a hard no on kids, and I’ve noticed most men who are “open to kids” get more used to not having them as they get older. I think the age of the men you are seeing is an important factor. A guy in his late 20’s has much more time to decide. If a guy in his late 30’s isn’t ready yet, he likely never will be.
IME, when I have dated guys who were not sure about kids, they seemed to have the mindset that if someone amazing comes along, they will go whichever way she leans. I also know men who are more open to adoption than biological kids and vice versa, so it’s worth bringing up both scenarios.
I think since your time frame is tight it’s probably best to date men who are sure they want the same thing as you. If you want to have kids in the next five years, work backward and think about how quickly other things need to happen in order for you to feel comfortable beginning that journey.
I am 34 (f) and I am “open to kids”. For me, I really really need to find someone who I believe is capable of raising kids with me in this world. It is just such a responsibility that I take so seriously that it means I might never have them.
I would with the right person. I’d also be perfectly happy just living a happy life with someone where we decide we don’t want them.
I’m just not one of those people who always wanted kids or is dying to have them, nor am I fulfilling some need by having them.
If you want kids in the next 5 years then yes you should be dating people who also want kids… If someone is open to kids it means they don’t know if they want kids. Maybe they just think they might. Maybe they’re on the fence. Maybe they just don’t want to eliminate everyone from their dating pool by putting “doesn’t want kids” on their profile. I personally do not want children for a lot of reasons I’m not going to get in to here. I marked that on my Hinge profile and my match rate went way down, which I actually view as a good thing because I’m not wasting the time of women who really want children.
As a single 38/f unless profile says they want kids bc I want kids I try to steer clear bc I know what I want. The “I don’t know gets” especially at my age is a big no for me.
I as a 37M, who is adamant to be child free, have a unique prospective.
In my profile I always click the “doesn’t have/want children” tab and always work it into conversation on a first date that it’s not a option as I’m “fixed” and adopting is not a option too.
Every single woman I’ve gone on a date with that’s had “open to children” or something of that manner in their profile has been disappointed when they realize how committed I am to remaining child free.
Some have continued to date me, but usually mention something about “I always thought I’d have a family” at some point.
I now only pick women that have “don’t have/want” on their profile.
My feeling is that they are ok if “it doesn’t happen” for some reason that they aren’t in control of, but not ok with it being taken off the table.
Just my 2 cents