Hey everyone , so recently i have come across a situation in which i was on voice call with some guy and a girl that I know while we were playing a mobile game. While we were talking and playing, the guy made a joke about me being a railroad worker (I’m chinese,he’s mexican) How i responded to the situation is I just went: “you’re real hilarious” sarcastically and with not really an emphasizing tone. I didn’t really wanna make any fat jokes or racist jokes back either and lose my temper especially in front of this girl too .
Anyways, idk if how i reacted was masculine/alpha for this situation . I didn’t insult him back or act offended or anything , but i did feel like it would’ve been better if i did at least have some snappy comeback and it would’ve been a funnier situation as well as more dominant. I’m not good at quickly thinking at things/roasts to say tho in the moment. Any advice? What would’ve you guys done in my situation
3 comments
Dont know what ‘masculine’ ‘alpha’ have to do with this situation. Its a terrible metric for effective communication or for assertion.
“Oh you’re racist?” (require them to defend the position)
They will come back with something either they get it or they wont
If they do, nothing else to be said. Connect with them on the fact that they do. win/win.
If they dont, just say “it just sounded pretty racist to me, that you are likening chinese people to railroad workers. Its kind of an offensive stereotype”.
Again he will get it or he wont
At that point if he doesnt, I wouldnt argue the point about it. You have put it out there and theres something for him to think about. In these sort of conversations always put it back on the person – and if you cant reconcile it “Personally I wouldnt say something like that but you do you” is a good way to walk away from it.
Its never a good idea entering this sort of dialogue with the idea of it being a pissing contest. That will likely end badly and has a very high probability of backfiring. Dont try to impress anyone. Just get the person to question whether the way they came across was the intention they had to come across. That will be sufficient, and if it isnt, let it go. You have done the work by raising the flag and alerting them to the problem of what they have said.
A strong look and silence. Then leave. If there worth your knowledge they’ll come asking what they did.
Any other behavior will have you making an effort and them defending themselves. Only put in effort if they are humbly asking for feedback and actually going to accept it.
Say you didn’t get the joke. Ask him to explain why it’s funny and listen to him realize he made a racist comment in real time.