So as the title say I don’t have any Friends and I sometimes would like to change this other times not. Before to go deeper into the topic I’d like to Say that this Is not my mai reddit account, I used It long time ago and Its mostly inactive.
So, I never been a real social active person I mostly had friends in the past coz of school or coz we shared the same interesses in videogames (basically online).
I wanna be honest tho, my problem per se is not on social skills, not directly at least… Let me explain: I generally can make friends if I’m interessed to the people I’m talking to, once a person told me that I’m the classic clown which people wanna stick with to see what he does and hear what he say, but that I can become really serious on some topics like the stuffs I study exc.
I feel that what he says is true, and IK he said it in a “good way”, but there is my problem… I feel people are not there to be friend with me but just to “observe me”. This is what mostly did lead me into cutting a lot of people out of my life … I become uninteressed to them once I notice that they really dont care about me in the first person, they rather care about what will be the next funny thing I ll say or I ll do … Its years now that I don’t have a real friend…
Also for a period of time that “friend” which told me the thing of before did even use me for his streamings (he was a famous streamer in my country, and this is why i’m not using my main account)… He wanted me to become a streamer aswell, useless to say that I don’t like streaming exactly for what I said before .. I dont want attentions, I just want friends who cares about me for what I am… He got banned for a while from the platform he used to stream in and he basically stopped to contact me, I was the one which did search for him everytime after that…
This is only an example but I feel everytime I get a friend they end up using me like that and after they throw me away… I really don’t like it… I sometimes think I’m victimizing myself but I suffered a lot in the past coz of fake friends… So much that nowadays I m almodt scared to make some… Nowadays I actually do not even find anyone which could interess me as a friend… I feel most of the people I talk to are boring… I m not say they really are, lets just say that for me, and my perception, they are boring to deal with…
I’m here to get an honest opinion… Do not pity me… Be real… What do you think? And how can I exit the mental state of “this person is gonna use me/this person is not interested in me? I have really 0 friends… I’d like to change it… And how can you tell if someone cares about you like for real…? I’d like to have some good friends… I’d like to be able to trust without fear… I’d like to find complices or partners… Not a public which sticks with me coz I make him laugh… At least not only that… (If you wonder, I’m M23).