I feel very passionately about sexual health and protecting oneself against STIs and STDs. I’m not in a relationship but I enjoy dating for sex.
For me, condoms are completely non-negotiable. I’m not monogamous. I don’t expect my partners to be either. I get tested regularly and always have protected vaginal and anal sex.
There’s one thing I consider to be a pretty big red flag for me. Let’s say I’m meeting a guy for a date or we’re talking and he expresses a willingness to have raw sex with me without even asking my sexual health status beforehand, or asking about monogamy, I experience a total mental block and have no desire to see that individual again. Because, in my head – even though this partner has not had raw sex with me – I just view him as being someone who clearly doesn’t care about his sexual health. That’s not someone who I want to be having sex with.
Am I being too harsh, though? I have to say, meeting like-minded individuals who care about sexual health as much as me has been really hard for some reason. I have no doubt these guys would comply to my standards (i.e. get tested before we have sex, if I ask them to) but it’s just their initial complete disregard for sexual health which implies to me that they are not sensible enough to have casual sex if they are willing to go raw on a complete stranger.
Edit: Thank you so much for all these responses, which have reassured me that I am not insane or tyrannical for wanting to have safe sex! Otherwise, up until now, I was genuinely starting to believe differently, since my attempts at safe sex have rarely been met with warmth! Now, after hearing what everyone has said, I would feel utterly silly if I were to ever lower these basic standards of mine, so thanks a lot!
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Nope, you are just protecting yourself and your standards seem quite reasonable
im guessing you asked this question already in another post considering you have an edit in your post thanking people for all the responses and no one even responded yet 😂.
so you know the answer already
Safe sex is important, and I’m not going to defend a guy that opens up with telling you how he wants to fuck you raw because he’s probably a clown, but a conversation about raw sex, STIs and number of partners all go off in the same order, like a math equation. As long as three of those things all take place in the same conversation, it doesn’t really matter what order you bring them up in.
I dont think ysking it seriously is a bad idea. That said, being hypervigilant about each partner while engaging in nonmonogamy is like putting sugar into your diet soda. Its better than nothing for sure. But it really is best to be aware of the full context of your situation.
By all means, keep insisting that they wrap it up, but if you really want to avoid it, multiple partners isnt really ever the way to go, ubless youre in like a committed polycule or youre the only partner with multiple partners.
You sound totally sane, smart, and honestly, I dig it. So many are willing to put themselves at risk and it makes no sense. Never compromise!
Something’s missing here, and based on that I’m going to say that you **are** being too harsh.
You mentioned that he just “mentions” having raw sex, which is a perfectly fine thing to be talking about while you’re still getting to know each other, AS LONG AS you are starting with protection first. If it’s mentioned along the lines of “I would eventually like to do it raw”, then yes, your hackles are getting up for no reason.
If they are saying only raw and no protection, then yes, but that’s a different thing, and not what you said here.
I don’t think you are being too harsh for requiring condoms given your situation but I can tell you from experience being a guy that raw sex is the best feeling ever. I am sure that is what you are coming up against when a guy doesn’t want to use a condom, but safe sex is more important.
If you are ever able to get into a longer term monogamous relationship try raw sex. It is amazing.
Not at all. STI tests are so quick and easy. Just got a test done yesterday at the docs while I was getting some blood work done. Took 10 min…
Your body your choice your rules. You cannot take back a virus. Keep your high standards.
For me it is also a red flag when a girl says that we can go raw if I want.