I 27 (f) was homeschooled and never made many friends. I joined booktok about a year ago and have found my group of creative smart women. One let’s call her F, we have been talking for a while and decided it was time to meet. We made a plan to go to and meet at Barnes and Noble this Saturday, get coffee and just get to hang out.
I’ve been telling him of these plans for a week and today he decided to tell me “I am a loser and don’t need friends and that I better have life insurance in case I’m murdered”
I don’t live with this girl, on FaceTime, we talk almost daily! I tried to explain how what he is saying makes me feel and that it’s frustrating that I can’t have friends without him acting this way.
He tells me that they aren’t friends since I made them online and that I’m pathetic for needing friends.
I’ve tried to explain to him that it’s fucked up and how much it hurts that he isn’t supportive of ANYTHING I do, from me wanting to be a published author to wanting to get tattoos. The list goes on and on!
I’m beyond frustrated and I don’t know how to get him to understand that it feels like he is trying to keep me locked up and it’s suffocating.
(Note this isn’t the first time/friend he has said this about! I’ve lost many friendships because he has an issue with them or their lifestyle or he finds SOMETHING!)
I don’t know what to do. 😞
17 comments
He sounds manipulative and emotionally abusive. Spouses are allowed to have friends
I’m sorry but he sounds very controlling. Only you can decide how to proceed
Everyone needs friends. Cultivating healthy social relationships is essential. Ask yourself, why does he want to keep you isolated?
This kind of behavior is emotionally abusive and often a precursor to other kinds of abuse. Please get a therapist for yourself. I am not sure if couples therapy would be helpful at this point but please get help for you, you need the support. Are you willing to leave if you need to?
I didn’t want to be alarmed, but I am quite alarmed by this precursor to abuse. Please make sure that you DO make friends and connections despite your husband so that you will have support and an out WHEN you do need it.
Controlling, manipulative and down right abusive. I do hope you will go and meet with your friend.
Wow. This isn’t the way a loving and healthy partner behaves. Please check out this [relationship spectrum](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/healthy-relationships/) and read [Why Does He Do That](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat) and keep your coffee date with your friend. There’s no point in trying to make him understand because he doesn’t care.
He is trying to keep you locked up and isolated. Token abusive behaviour. Why be with someone who makes you lose friends and get rid of them before the friendship even starts?
Wow that is very toxic thing to say and that you do need friends to help keep you in check with reality. Tho there can be a fine boundary of friend and affair but this sounds like friends tho so its all good. Have fun and don’t buy too many books there.
How old is he?
That is mental abuse.
He doesn’t see you as a person. He sees you as an object to kept.
>I don’t know how to get him to understand that it feels like he is trying to keep me locked up and it’s suffocating.
Because he IS trying to keep you locked up.
This is a tough one. You shouldn’t care about what your husband tells you because at the end of the day if your able to connect with that friend you have every right to. I wouldn’t let him belittle you over meeting someone on the internet that’s the way this generation is. Ignore him and whoever is being negative and continue talking to her!❤️
He sounds controlling and manipulative. Get away as fast as you can.
Why are you with this guy?
Literally all of my friends are people that I’ve met online. Some I’ve met in person afterwards, most I haven’t. I am very close with a few of them, just like I would be if I had met them through traditional circumstances. Before social media was a thing, I didn’t have any friends and I was very lonely. It is absolutely possible to make good friends online.
The more concerning thing is your husband’s behavior. He is trying to control you and keep you from living your life the way that you want to live it. That is disturbing.
What the fuck? He should be happy for you to make a friend so that you don’t rely on him for literally everything. You need a girl pal to vent to sometimes especially about things like this. I’d tell him if he doesn’t stop trying to control and emotionally abuse you then you’re out of the relationship. He probably doesn’t want you making friends and realize he’s the loser, not you.
There is nothing about what you said that doesn’t bother me.
Please, reach out to somebody and talk to them. Everyone needs friends.