I (18M) got dumped about 7 months ago after my first relationship (with 19F) that lasted 8 months. It wasn’t really a normal high school relationship as we never went to the same school and met through work. While it was short it felt very serious to both of us and we had extensive plans to do long distance through college. The breakup wasn’t mutual, but it was amicable, as I had accepted she had moved on and we then moved far away to different towns for college. She said she would appreciate if we could remain friends in the future. About 2 months after the breakup I felt confident things were going to get better and that I would be able to turn my life around, focus on myself, my career and my hobbies, make new friends and maybe meet another special person (although I didn’t put any pressure on it). I have always been sure to never let it affect my outward disposition when I am meeting people and trying to make friends, and I more or less ignored it for the first few months as I tried to make something of myself.
Instead I have been having the worst mental health of my life, completely isolated as I lost basically all my friends when I moved, and I have been unable to fit in at college (no friends outside of class and work acquaintances). I found out my ex was happy in a new, committed relationship within 2.5 months through social media/mutual friends, and I then cut all means of contact and got rid of any remaining photos/gifts I had from her. I got in contact around here because I was curious how she was going, and she said she no longer wanted to try to be friends.
I am having a hard time accepting that it’s over and that there is no second chance. I instinctually think about all our good times together and how much she meant to me whenever my mind wanders or when I am trying to sleep. I have tried meditations, journaling and lots of other techniques, but it has been ineffective. The last time I saw her feels like the last time I felt genuinely happy and fulfilled, but next month we will have been separate longer than we ever were together, and I know that that isn’t normal.
Thank you for taking the time to read. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.