I am new to dating. Whenever I have a date, I pay extra attention to grooming. I am also extra chivalrous (like paying for dinner) and buying rose/chocolate (if it’s a consecutive date). I am also not 100% be myself and try to a slightly better version of myself.
I mainly do it because I like doing it and also a little bit to impress the other person and increase the chance of getting into a relationship with them. But I don’t think I have any evil goals.
If a person rejects me, I never get angry or something at them. I might feel upset inside, but I always wish them the best for the future and try to be pleasant.
Is it really a nice guy thing? I think everyone tries to be their best to impress a prospective partner?
10 comments
Most people can’t put up a fake front for too long, so you’ll get tired of pretending before you get into a relationship. Or risk getting dumped because you stopped doing the things that made the other person fall in love.
Being extra nice to your partner isn’t a freaking syndrome. It’s what it should be. Love them, worship them, be there for them, give then everything you could, make them your priority, make then happy.
Unfortunately some people don’t deserve that kind of treatment and would see it as a weakness and no matter what you do they will find a flaw in you and treat you horribly.
I’ve been there and my mistake were stepping to theiir level ( back then I thought it’s justice ) but now I regret every bit of it as I should have never ever abandoned who I am and started eye for eye treatment.
Being a nice person is fantastic, never abandon that and if they didn’t appreciate you LEAVE. Someone out there will appreciate your kindness.
The question is are you seeing results? Do women kiss you after the dates? Do they sleep with you? Or do they just tell you that they didn’t feel it? Because that’s how you know you are doing good or bad.
I wish people wouldnt do the whole “best foot forward” thing. Its basically lying. Just be yourself, i want to know what dating *you* is like, not what dating you is like when youre trying extra extra hard to impress me, because that oerson isnt going to last. When people say “youre not the person i fell in love with”, this is why. Because you are trying to make someone fall in love with a version of yourself that isnt actually you.
It’s normal to want to impress your partner or the person you are dating
If she calls herself your girlfriend, then you can be nice to her. Otherwise you’re neutral. Only be “extra nice” to your mother.
They used to call it wooing, and it wasn’t a pejorative.
The best thing I learnt about dating was to treat all people the same. If I meet two girls, one is a 6/10 and one is a 10/10 and I treat them completely differently, then honestly I have no integrity as a man. And ultimately that is what most women are looking for, a guy with some fucking integrity who isn’t just putting them
on a pedestal because they want to fuck her. That’s the difference between a good guy and nice guy, treat everybody with respect and kindness whilst also maintaining your own boundaries- this means if the 6/10 is rude and you call her out on it, but the 10/10 is rude and you let it go because you want to fuck her, you are screwing up, and women will test this shit.
Approval seeking behaviour is generally associated with being needy and unattractive, just be yourself and treat everybody like how you would like to be treated, I don’t see how that is so difficult for some to grasp.
I think paying for dinner is nice, flowers and chocolate isn’t necessary. Also, we want to fall in love with your raw self, not someone who is trying too hard to say what we want to hear. Lastly, i usually felt like nice guys came off boring sometimes (not saying I’m into assholes but its cool to get to know your ticks, fears etc) be yourself and someone will love you for it
No. I dint think so. The second piece is you would have to turn into a jerk when they reject you. See definition below.
“This is sometimes referred to as “Nice Guy Syndrome”, which is used to describe a sense of entitlement to sexual or romantic attention from women simply for being “nice”, and irrational anger when that attention is not forthcoming.”