I (18m) met this person (18f) 2 months ago and we really connected. She has a great sense of humor, similar music tastes, and I think she’s really cute. Since we met we have been texting all day and even into late at night. Around 2 weeks ago she told me that something has been making her sad so I asked what was making her dad. She then told me that she had a boyfriend in Canada (we live in cali but she visits Canada alot cuz of family and friends) and she has been feeling guilty because she had caught feelings for me. I was shocked because this was the first time I have heard of her having a bf even though we have been talking at this point for a month and a half and hanging out alot together. I told her that I also had feelings but if she wanted to stop being friends in understand. She said she still wants to be friends and hangout. She then started telling me about her boyfriend and she just kept on saying red flag after red flag. She told me that he asked for ” pics” that she wasn’t comfortable sending, he has anger issues, struggles with drugs, hangs out with other girls, sometimes he doesn’t talk to her alot, and told me at one point he wanted to kill somebody. She acknowledged these as red flags but still said he’s a good person and that he cares about her. And on top of all of this she said she has never met him in person and she’s going to meet him in person the end of July and beginning of August. She asked again if I was ok with still being friends and u said yes. Fast forward to now she’s in Canada for 2 weeks and we textile we did before she told me but everytime we text my mind thinks about her having a bf and damn it just stings to think about. I try not to but I was planning on asking her out the day she told me that and she was so different than the other girls in our area. I told my bestfriend about all this and he said her having a bf not thing me for a month nd a half and then telling me because she felt guilty is a red flag and I should move on. My other friend told me that she likes me and u should still try for her since she has a bad bf. The thing is I don’t think she’ll break up with him because she’s scared he’ll go back to doing the harder drugs he used to do. I am just so torn about what to do any advice no matter how small would be really helpful and appreciated thank you for reading all of this as I was also getting some stiff off my chest.
TL;DR: a girl I hit it off with said she likes me but has a bf who us a bunch of red flags but still wants to be friends
3 comments
Move on, this boyfriend is apparently so bad, but she won’t leave him, and you’re on the sidelines waiting for something that won’t happen. She’s with her boyfriend now having a good time and you’re here on Reddit. I’d stop talking to her because she just wants a side distraction and you’re just getting head f&cked. She has a boyfriend and doesn’t wanna leave him, tell her to hit you up when she’s single then you can talk
She’s not available so you should let her go and distance yourself altogether. Of course she wants to be friends; you’ll be giving her the emotional support and validation she isn’t getting from her boyfriend, and that way you’ll be helping her stay in her relationship because you’ll be filling in for her boyfriend where needed. Actually she’s way more likely to seriously consider ending her relationship if you’re not around to fill in the blanks.
This visit can go 2 ways. Either meeting him really makes her realize she doesn’t like him that much and she breaks up with him -or- being with him physically makes her feel like she now is stuck with him.
When she returns from Canada, ask her how it went. Ask her about those red flags. Ask her if she is willing to move to Canada or if he is moving here. All LDRs need a plan to remove the distance of they are gonna work.
If you really like this girl, you might have to wait.