So, it’s a rant.
I’m 22, female, Indian soon moving to the UK. I’m looking forward to the first taste of freedom in my life in terms of having a relationship.
Preface: I have never been in a relationship. Never kissed anyone or anything. (No one was interested in me, neither have I ever been interested in anyone)
But I have had this urge to be in a relationship lately but it doesn’t stay. The moment someone is interested in me, I run away. Then I crib about not being in a relationship. Somedays all I think about is having sex but other days the idea of sex grosses me out. Soemdays I want to fall in love while other days I just imagine having sexual relationship. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I’m very confused. Did you all feel like this before your first relationship? Will these feelings come to an end? Everyone seems so sure of what they want except me. Have you all been through this?
Sorry, I don’t have any elder person to talk to about this stuff. Taboo topic in my household. My friends can relate but they don’t have any experience to guide me either.
td;lr aka short summary – What is wrong with me? Am I broken?
10 comments
No it’s totally normal commitment is scary and for the record I’ve been in and out of a lot of relationships my last one lasted 4 years, and honestly committed relationships kind of suck. If you’re just about to enjoy your freedom then I would recommend living it up before you even think about getting in a committed relationship, or at least friends with benefits here and there
You’re not broken! You’re young, you’re free and you are rightly questioning as to whether you want to give that freedom up for a relationship.
Give yourself some time. Enjoy your freedom. Enjoy your youth. Make a lot of friends and have a lot of fun experiences with them: go places and do things and just enjoy your life. A relationship will come in time, when you are ready.
I’m not from your same background, but even exploring sex can be done without making a huge commitment to someone. That may or may not be something you are comfortable with, so just ignore this if it’s not your thing.
It sounds like you’re sitting at a restaurant looking at a menu full of things you haven’t tasted yourself but have heard about – vicariously.
“Kissing, sounds yummy”
“Oh – they have casual hookups here, yeah I’m a bit horny and adventurous I could go for that”
“Cool! Relationship is on the menu, I love the idea of cuddling up to someone to watch a movie”
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You should go and try these things – like ice cream. Go out and taste your options *then* you can start thinking about what your “go to” is right now. There’s no wrong answer, it’s a preference.
I’m going to tell you what I wish I had before I got into dating and sex, go do it.. go have loads of amazing, awkward, brilliant and sometimes bad sex. Don’t commit yet and learn everything you like in people, everything you don’t like in people. All the sexual things you like and don’t.l just stay safe and make sure you don’t put yourself in harms way. Go be free! What your feeling is so normal.. SO normal.
This doesn’t seem that weird. It’s just a good reminder to take things slow, not overcommit, examine your goals and motivations and try to make decisions consistent with what you want longer-term.
And if what you want longer term is to have only casual relationships/sex for awhile, and figure it out later, that’s fine.
What you’re experiencing and feeling is both so valid and so normal.
We all have invasive thoughts, which are thoughts that to my understanding, we can mostly only control our responses to.
Logic and emotion are not mutually exclusive and shouldn’t be. They work best when used together.
You have my fullest support.
Change is always going to provoke an element of fear, but worry not! Once you start taking steps towards what you want, it will become less daunting…I’d say you have a wonderful and exciting new chapter ahead of you!! Perhaps you should journal to chronicle your adventures and process your thoughts along the way 🙂
its the same problem with all bcz of trust issues and tbh we can’t trust anyone bcz now a days everyone has dual character and can betray anyone for their needs.
I’ve experienced same
My guess is your culture and upbringing are the impetus for your relationship reservations. Once you’ve distanced yourself from that those reservations will fade over time.
Don’t fall victim to the hookup culture, make sure whatever relationship you pursue is meaningful, otherwise enjoy your newfound freedom and remember uncle Ben’s saying “with great power comes great responsibility”