Hey guys!
tl:dr: Met a guy, had a thing for like 6 months, after i told him, that i was looking out for more than just fwb, he ghostet me. i just don’t seem to cope.
Alright, first things first: Sorry for any mistakes, english is not my native language. I’ll try my best 🙂
Last year in May i’ve downloaded a dating app. i don’t really like dating apps but i wanted to met new people after being single for one year. I’ve already met and dated some guys but i don’t know, i guess i’m just hard to please and i never was totally over these guys i have seen. i kept this dating app for like three days after deleting it again and met one guy – We’ll call him Ed. To keep things short, Ed was (particulary) in looks 100% my type. I liked his personality and his humour too and he seemed to like me too. We dated and had a thing for around 6 months, started having sex after the third date and always did a lot of things with each other (once every 1-2 weeks a date; playing tennis, going on a hike and stuff). Our dates always ended up with us having sex and spending the night at each other places. We never talked about what we were looking for or what we were and at first, i was totally fine with that, i just enjoyed his company. But after some time it started to bug me. i knew that i started to like him more and more, while i didn’t know what his intensions were. In my opinion he sent a lot of mixed signal.
As example; he invited me to his birthday party with all his friends and some family. I would never invite a fwb to my family.
another example; he always answered to my text messages only after 2-3 days. It’s not a big problem and i get that people are busy. but i feel like, when you want something to get serious, you keep more contact with the person. We just saw each other once i 1-2 weeks and didn’t text a lot. that implied more to me, that he didn’t want something serious.
anyways…
as mentioned, I realized that I developed stronger feelings for Ed and i wanted to tell him. Because of holidays we didn’t see each other for like 2 weeks and he randomly asked if im up for “watching a horror movie”. i answered him, that i would love to see him again but that i felt like, that things between us are going into a fwb-direction and that I will develop feelings at some point (because I know myself) and then it only gets complicated.
in Hinsight i totally get it; it was wrong and stupid to send him a text message about that and not telling him in person. totally my fault – i know. It just seemed wrong for me, when i go to his house (him expecting netflix and chill) and then i tell him this and being in an awkward situation.
anyways, after i told him how i felt and what i thought, there was no answer. no reaction. nothing. he just left me on read, wondering if he was mad, sad, happy or if he just didn’t care. It crushed me, not knowing what i did wrong – well yeah, i know, i should’ve told him in person but we had a thing for over 6 months and he was always so respectful so i couldn’t really accept that he just ghostet me after me being honest. Perhaps I should mention that while I was single and dating dudes, I never had sex. He was the first person (after my ex-boyfriend) I had sex with. So it was an even more emotional situation for me.
Around three months after he ghostet me, i saw him in public. went up to him to say hi and he was drunk. he instantly mumbled something about him being sorry for not answering and that we’ll talk someday about that but i didn’t really wanted to talk about it, particulary not when he’s drunk. After that incident i never heard from him again. We just keep following each other on instagram. Around 2 motns ago, i saw him in public again (on a concert) and he didn’t even say hello. i just thought wow… i unfollowed him on instagram because i don’t need anybody in my friendslist, who can’t say hello in public. i thought maybe unfollowing him and deleting his number would help to finally forget him (out of sight, out of mind) but it did not.
Even after almost one year of no contact i keep thinking of him on a daily base. I compare every guy i meet with him. I guess the reason why i can’t forget him is a mixture between the unknown, why he ghostet me after all we had and did, and because he’s being a big challenge. and thats soooo stupid. Why am i like this??
Okay, now i’m finished with my roman. I’m sorry but venting feels so good.
Has anybody an advice how to forget him? i start to get desperade…
Thank you.
2 comments
He made an impact on you, he will stick around in your memories. The problem isn’t forgetting, it’s moving on and accepting those memories as belonging in the past, he still occupies a major part of your life even when he is no longer part of it, in a way although the relationship is dead and will never come back and although he also will never be a part of your life again, a verson of him still exists in your mind. You start by ignoring the version that haunts you and by doing things that push you away from that ghost, by no longer considering things in his memory.
You might consider changing how you talk to yourself about him. Instead of saying, “I just can’t forget him,” say, “I haven’t forgotten him yet.” When you talk to yourself, your self listens. If you tell yourself you can’t, your self thinks you can’t.