I don’t know how to balance time spent with my family and my gf. While I know that I need to spend more time with my gf (because she’s going through some tough shit right now), My family is also important to me. My mum thinks I am spending too much time outside (not necessarily with the gf but also work) and she gets lonely at home because my dad isn’t around and my sister (23F) has work too. My sister also tries to persuade me to stay at home and think more about my mum.
Recently, I went over to my gf’s place for 4 days because I know my gf is having a hard time adjusting to her new house and my mum was very upset about that because she felt neglected by me. I want to make my mum happy so I suggested to my gf that I can’t give her so much time anymore because I have to (and I want to) stay home with my mum. This made her really sad because she thinks 4 days isn’t “too much” and she believes I “prioritise” my mum’s wishes and that I’m under my mum’s control. My mum can be a bit head-on at times but I think it’s just because she’s worried about me. I don’t see anything wrong with my mum calling me at night because it’s natural for a mum to be worried about their kids.
My gf has been understanding about this and she compromised our time together but I can still tell that she is resentful and it’s taking a toll on our relationship. I think I have been objective and fair in this situation even though she keeps saying I’m not independent (yes, I live with my mum but we’re an Asian household and kids usually live with parents until they are married) and that I have been siding with my parents and that I don’t care about her needs during her “tough” times.
I have communicated to my mum about how she treats my gf when my gf comes over (I admit that she has been a little cold) but she has already apologised for it to me and I’ve passed on this message to my gf. So, I’m not really sure what will make my gf happier, at this point.
While I understand her point of view, I also don’t want to sabotage my relationship with my family and I’m afraid that if I don’t spend time with them, they will shut me out. I’m not sure how to balance this.
TLDR; my gf and my family are tense right now. my gf is upset that I’m so-called “prioritising” my mum and spending less time with her even though I think what I’m doing is reasonable and objective and I’m just being a good son.
2 comments
Just be a good son. In long shot you won’t regret it. And don’t worry, she is never gonna be happy. Any girl who has ever complained about guys being mumma boy or too attached or dependent on family etc etc ended up fucking their own life. In my circle of interaction 100% divorce rate of such girls. Too much to discuss abt this psychology and not enough space n time to type. Just remember, be the good son and don’t worry. Try to make her understand , try again n again but don’t worry about pissing her off. Not worth it.
You are 24 entire years old. It would be perfectly normal for you to not live with your parents and see them every few weeks. If your mother is bored and lonely she can join a volunteer group or book club. This you can absolutely spend four days at a stretch with your girlfriend, and it’s shitty of your parents to keep you from developing adult relationships because they expect you to babysit your mother.