So me and my ex broke up. He told me alot of kind of mean things about myself after we broke up. One of the things he said was that I was hairier downstairs than any other girl he’d been with. Now, I shave fairly regularly. I don’t have a ‘bush’ or anything but I have thick hair everywhere, head, eyebrows etc. So it grows back by the next day and it’s never ‘long’ there’s just stubs of hair there almost always. This has completely tanked my self esteem. I am absolutely terrified of getting back out there. Do all men feel this way? I feel like it’s not something I could really do anything about except wax and I’ve always been scared to do that. I’m embarrassed, he didn’t say anything throughout the 4 Years of dating. I just feel gross and don’t know what to do or how to address this on future love interests. Is it me? Do most men feel this way and how do I navigate dating with this piece of info stuck in my head?
6 comments
When people get angry they comment on stuff that will obviously make you feel bad. He probably never cared about your hair while in the relationship, he just wanted to make you feel like shit and it looks like he won.
It’s like with children. When they get hissy they’ll say something completely random that absolutely doesn’t matter like, “Your eyes are a disgusting poopy brown!!!” They literally have no actual opinion of your eyes, they’re just angry.
Hair is not gross. Its completely natural. The type of people who are going to try to make you feel bad about it arent the people you want to date. I shave for my own comfort, but its not a daily thing, when it gets uncomfortable, i shave.
He stayed for 4 years and didn’t ask you to wax. He just said it to be mean. Don’t worry.
Why would you trust anything your shitbag ex said just to hurt you.
Here’s a question. If anything about you is so bad…
Why is he so mad, specifically that he doesn’t *get* to be with you anymore, that he would want to try to hurt your feelings by talking shit?
I prefer women who are shaven, I don’t think I could date a girl with a bush, regardless of any criticism I get for that. But if you are shaving and it’s literally just one day stubble then nobody is giving a fuck about that. It sounds like this guy wasn’t always a good boyfriend and now he is trying to pick holes in you to “justify” his behaviour so he can still feel like a good person, this is something we all do to an extent, it’s called cognitive dissonance and it’s normal human behaviour, the less self aware we are the more we do things like this- he’s basically very immature.
You don’t need to worry about this with other guys, the fact he stayed with you for 4 years suggests he’s full of shit.
Dude here.
That guy’s opinions don’t matter because he’s obviously a shithead who’s motive was emotional abuse.
4 years of no comments or conversations about it until the breakup? That’s an obvious emotional attack motivated by anger/spite/etc.
If someone says something that’s so obviously intended to hurt you, the only appropriate reaction is to ignore it or tell them to shove it back in their ass where it belongs.
So, about the hair, since this obviously now a source of insecurity for you.
As long as it’s clean and somewhat kept up you’re fine.
Trim it how you like it and the vast majority of dudes will be on board.
Hell, you could trim it into a skull and crossbones on your mons and us menfolk will think that’s awesome.
We are not that complicated.
Some guys will be picky, but for the most part it’s not a big deal unless it’s a full untamed bush, you haven’t showered in a week, and then want us to go down on you.
Nobody wants to floss with old musty crustiness (there’s a hint here for some of my fellow dudes).
Keep it clean, keep it trimmed, style it however you want, and you’ll be fine.
Hell, if you find a guy with a fast growing beard and you can joke about being stubble buddies on occassion.