Sometimes I just wanna be alone, sometimes I don’t want to be touched (in any way), sometimes I want some peace, sometimes I don’t feel like joking..
During those times, I’d tell my husband to leave me be, nicely/callmly…
Would you let your gf/wife be when this happens? or would you continue and annoy her because it’s fun/funny?
My husband does the latter, and gets pissed when I get really angry…
29 comments
I think in that situation it’s unfair for you to make them leave, if it’s their house too then the person that wants to be alone should be the one to leave. It’s just straight up disrespectful to make them leave instead of doing it yourself.
Ok, so there’s no real question here but a need for him to respect your needs. let him know that in no uncertain terms unless he wants to be alone…permanently.
Needing space is a completely normal and healthy impulse. As long as you are expressing it, he is being downright abusive by not respecting it.
Couples counselling or breakup.
I would let her have her time to herself. But I think how often this happens also matters. Like if my wife was checked out except for dinner and bed then that’d bum me out and I’d want to figure out a way for her to have her time but us to have time together too. Everyone needs their alone time though.
Stay away. As a guy, I do the same sometimes, especially during heatwaves. If it’s over 30 degrees, we’re probably not touching.
Depends on the frequency, if we live together but only cuddle like once a week, that would probably not be okay with me
But if it’s just like a day where you need space, that’s fine I also need space and solitude sometimes
Wife does that sometimes when she’s overloaded. I just go ride my bike instead. Space is important.
Since I understand the need for space, I am usually willing to give it. Of course, a partner who always “needs space” whenever you need them isn’t much of a partner so it depends on circumstance. If your partner is teasing you whenever you need quiet time, they might be uncomfortable with any alone time or they might just be jerks. Either way, a partner who won’t respect boundaries isn’t much.
Totally get it. Come get me when you’re ready for attention.
In my experience, this can be a difficult thing to say to someone. Good for you for being up front. Unfortunately, you may be married to someone who this will always hurt or upset. It is very common for adults who need alone time to leave the house (go for a walk, go shopping, etc). My ideal alone time is at home, in silence (no kids, no pets, no TV, just completely silence for a bit). Feeling like I have to leave to be alone is not ideal, but that’s part of being an adult in a committed relationship with someone who is emotionally or physically needy. My advice would be to stand your ground but try to be kind.
>ask you to stay away?
Probably start looking for a new gf or divorce lawyer
>says she needs some “me” time
Give her some “me” time. That’s pretty normal
My wife and I learned very early on that we both need “alone time” now and then. Instead of tip-toeing around the subject, we just state it. Sometimes it’s “Hey, I’m going in the office and blasting guitar for about 3 hours tonight, put on whatever chick-flick you want to watch.” Other times, my wife will say to me “You can have a ‘guy’s night’ if you want, I’m going to read my book and drink wine out by the pool.”
It works really well. Before we communicated it, we were both left thinking “why are they being avoidant?”
Well we live together and both work from home so “stay away” isn’t super realistic, but if she told me she wanted some alone time I’d be fine with it. We’re pretty happy spending most of our day together and then just hanging out in separate rooms when we want some alone time.
my husband doesn’t need me times.. so he doesn’t understand..
Let’s not let people get the pitch forks out here. She is over reacting if she leaves him over him trying to “Get some attention” from his wife. There are 4-5 other questions to ask in relation.
1. When he wants to be left alone and you want to cuddle or need attention, do you leave?
2. Do you have kids that have been getting most of your attention or was that the dynamic until just recently?
3. Who in the marriage usually determines cuddle time/attention?
4. What activities do you enjoy together that aren’t cuddling, working, or child/pet raring?
The reason these are important is because they give a more accurate picture of how often he is getting attention. He may be trying to use humor to tell you he wants more attention in general is what I am thinking. Lots of guys will use humor like this to say this without it sounding like he is requesting/demanding time. Especially with the current environment where a man asking for attention is seen as pressuring for sex or expecting sex.
He could be feeling rejected when you say you want alone time and he is trying to appeal it by trying more. Then you snap because that is the mood you are in, now you both feel slighted. He tries to inject humor by annoying to solve his need for attention and trying to change your emotional state. Remember, guys are “fixers” so if you say you want to be left alone and seem sad, he may be trying to “fix” that mood. Guys have a hard time understanding you just are going to feel like that and not do anything about it.
Some other questions to ask yourself.
1. Why do you need to be alone to decompress?
2. Have you tried to talk through the issue that is requiring decompression?
3. Does your marriage revolve around your life more or his and why do you feel this? Have you discussed this?
4. Do you both feel this alone time is bringing the relationship together more or pushing you 2 apart?
If someone tells me to give them space I give it to them unless I can see they are visibly upset and are too afraid to ask for a hug
I think having some alone time is essential.
I do leave my wife alone when she needs alone time. Usually a great time to get lost in a game or something!
It starts like what you do. And it ends in frustration, feeling rejected and a dead bedroom if you don’t start talking and put up an environment in which both get their needs met.
Someday he will stop asking. He asked so often and just concludes that you don’t like to have sex. He may think that your sexdrive died down. That you aren’t attracted to him. He will come up with all kinds of explanations if you can’t give him a better one.
And then you have two people trapped in a house, but they are no longer a couple. I am living through that. It is hell and I try to find a way out, that is least hurtful to the kids.
edit: I assumed this would reach out into sexlife? If not, then just forget what I wrote 🙂
Depends on the situation. If your going through issues, your spouse should be the one person you retreat to, not from.
That being said, some people need self reflection time. I spend time restoring muscle cars, or just fixing things. It’s cathartic. Although my gf is usually there it’s how I retreat mentally.
You might need to set a clear boundary with your husband.
I think I’d go listen to Alice In Chains
In all seriousness, I ask for time to collect my thoughts in a fight. I can easily slip in a comment that would be out of hand in a moment so I like to have time to process my thoughts, feeling, emotions and get back to you when my mind is in its normal mode. So I’d have to respect that desire
Stay away
I’ve learnt to read the room. Sometimes my wife pushes me away when I know she needs me, so I stick around until she realises it. Otherwise I give her space and we do our own thing for a little while, usually until we get hungry
I have noticed it’s not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. If you are being a pissy little asshole when you say it. Then that’s just bait for a man to push it a little. But if y’all communicate this and have a calm way to throw it out there, you should be fine. Men need their alone time too.
Boy I don’t know what it would be like to have my wife WANT to be anywhere near me. Alone time is all she wants 😂
Wife is an introvert. Alone time is essential to her well being. Usually, she will cocoon in the bedroom and I will get on my laptop in the living room. I check on her every hour or so. Sometimes she’s in the mood to snuggle, sometimes not.
Had to learn that sometimes the best way to help is to not help.
My wife does this too, I just assume she wants to have sex with her boyfriend without the pressure of performing for me.
Sounds like maybe you’re looking for ammunition to throw in your husband’s face. You don’t need it. He should respect your need for isolation.
I am the one that needs isolation in our relationship and my wife grants me that time.
Wahoo – time for me to go the pub!