I miss my ex-best friend but she never cared

I (22F) aw a video on Snapchat of an ex-best friend (21F) of mine (let’s call her Jennifer) and it made me sad. I sometimes wish we were still friends and I think about her still from time to time. We had been best friends since high school and I’d always give her rides and sometimes even paid for her food. I loved her so much and we would have great times together, I even gave her a ride to prom and we all had so much fun.

We also went to the same university and I helped her move most of her stuff to her dorm. I feel like this is were things started to change. We had the same major and had many classes together, so it was nice to study together because we went through the same stuff. One of the first incidents happened when she sent a text message to our group chat talking shit about me. She deleted it and pretended it was a mistake. I felt so betrayed. She got mad because she wanted to airdrop me a document for our project but I told her it would be easier for me to be sent through email because I wasn’t familiar with airdrop. Yeah, outrageous in my opinion. The text was right after class and it said “I got so mad I almost snapped!” I was so shocked. A week went by and it was painful because I felt uncomfortable and so I calmly confronted her about it and she admitted that she wanted to send that text to someone else to talk shit about me. It did hurt and I forgave her and moved on because I cared so much about our friendship.

The second time was more intense. We both bought special tickets for an amusement park and she went without me with a cousin of hers. No invite. I had to throw away my ticket. Of course I gave her space so she could go out with others but like she knew we both wanted to go to the amusement park..Then a friend of ours came into our college town to visit and only invited Jennifer to go out with. I found out they hung out by seeing them on Instagram posts. I was very sad and had no idea why they didn’t invite me because we would always hang out back home. I never spoke up. Then, Jennifer invited me to the club and I agreed because we were club buddies. She left me on seen and went without me. The next morning I had decided I had enough and texted her that she is a very ignorant person. The way she spoke to me made me sick. She said “don’t talk to me with that mouth.” The sweet, funny, caring, shy best friend I knew was not there. We stopped talking for 3 months. Guess who reached out? Me. I did it. I was the bigger person and decided to talk to her even tho she was the one who messed up. We talked and hugged it out and I told her I love and care for her and that I don’t wanna lose her. She said the same and that she will try to communicate more.

Months went by and we hung out and we had some good moments again but I think the relationship changed after that argument. Then, we moved back home due to the pandemic and I saved her months of rent by subleasing her apartment because I wanted to move back to the college town.

Then her birthday came up and I saw on Snapchat that my “friends” had made a surprise bday party for her in the city where I was living at. They legit were hanging out at the mall next to my apartments. No invite. I was devastated. I texted her “thanks for the invite” and she made an excuse saying “we were only there for a bit.” It’s been over a year since we last spoke and she never ever reached out to me again, my other friends also didn’t reach out to me. They don’t care. It hurts because I really saw Jennifer as my best friend. I saw them about 6 months ago in a mall and they looked at me and literally turned their heads the other way on purpose. Of course, it felt like a punch to the gut.

If I was a bad friend, I would have admitted it and I tried to see both sides to the story but there is no way around it. My friendship to them was nothing. I am tired of trying for people who aren’t worth it. I wish I had friends like me. I love myself and I know my worth. I want friends who care about me. Thanks for reading and I’d appreciate opinions. Take care.