Me (23F) and my (24M) boyfriend started dating about 2 months ago. We met on a dating app and he swept me off my feet when I met him in person. He’s so genuine and such a good man, treats me like a queen. We also share similar values and he’s definitely someone I can see myself being with for a very long time. I love him so much. Right from the beginning of the relationship, he was super open about going to therapy for the stress and anxiety that his job causes him. I thought it was so awesome that he
takes care of his mental health and it made him seem like such a strong human. This was definitely attractive to me.
Within the last month my mom has been super sick (hospitalized, major surgery) which has taken a massive toll on me. He was super supportive throughout the whole thing, like coming over ASAP whenever I needed someone to talk to about it/distract me from this scary reality. Since I live 6 hours away from my mom, I’ve also been trying to go home as much as possible to see her. I’ve been away a couple weekends here and there but I always make an effort to see my bf as much as possible before I leave, and see him immediately after I come back.
I was away this past weekend for 4 days, and within the time I was gone he told me two times that he was afraid that I’m gonna lose interest in him and leave him. Then today, after we spent the entire evening+night together last night, he told me once again that he’s “insecure and worried I’m gonna lose interest in him”. We talked about it, and I apologized that if me being away a bit recently has caused this. But he insisted that theres nothing I’ve done to cause these insecure thoughts. He even admits he knows he’s being annoying/ a big baby.
I’ve never dated a man this insecure before, and the more repetitive it gets, it turns me off. I can feel myself pushing away. He said he’s gonna bring it up in therapy this week, so at least he wants to work on it. I just don’t know if I should be more patient, or if this is a sign to run away. I love him a lot and I do see a future with him, I just don’t know if I can handle this.
TL;DR:
Recently my bf has been extremely insecure in our relationship, even though he insists theres nothing I’ve done to trigger it. He even admits he knows he’s being annoying. As much as I am willing to be there for him, I can only handle so much. Looking for advice on how to handle this without breaking up, as I do love him and see a future with him.
4 comments
First off, you’ve only been dating 2 months, he hasn’t *begun* to be insecure, he’s been that all along. He’s just now showing you that side of him.
What about his being insecure turns you off? Do you perceive it as weakness? Do you want him to be the strong one so you can feel comfortable being weak?
I’m not saying any of those things are true I’m just giving you things to think about.
FYI, when women talk about how sad it is that men can’t share their feelings, this is why they can’t. Because as soon as they allow themselves to be vulnerable women get turned off and dump them.
Of 100 relationships ending from insecurities, 1 will end because of whatever the person is insecure about, the other 99 will end because of the fact they’re insecure about it.
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.
Nah, this is who he is. 3 months is usually the limit for how long people can keep up a good front in a new relationship. You got one mo th early access. Be thankful you don’t have to waste any more time
I’m all for men sharing their emotions, but thats not what this is. You’ve been together 2 months and he’s already developed a co-dependency problem.
Your call. You can stay and hope he’s able to address this in therapy.
My advice would be to break it off and tell him to look you up when he’s had time to work on himself. It’s been two months. You shouldn’t be unsure already.