So, I was raised in a household that did not practice showing compassion or comforting people when they face difficulties.
I don’t know how to respond to these things, but the aspect that bothers me more is that I don’t know how to show my compassion towards my friends that are expecting that when in need. I see other people doing it, but idk what to say. My friend might come saying they have a rough day and I can only lend an ear, but I don’t know any comforting words.
Thoughts?
2 comments
I’m autistic and I have absolutely no empathy. So I just ask the person how I can help. Do they want to talk or a distraction. If they want to talk ask them questions *and don’t give advice*. Just let them vent.
If somebody’s coming to you to vent or talk. You don’t really have to say much, just listen. If they ask a question, or an opener, follow it up with “tell me about it, I got time” maybe add in “you want to go get something to eat/drink and chat?” Want to hit up the mall, whatever you guys do. hang out at your house, talk on the phone anyplace works.
The person needs to know that you’re willing to listen, just that will be all they need. Sometimes people who are awkward in these settings may use their own life as an example. This is usually frowned upon, like if he says my dog died. Your response should not be “I had a dog and he died too!” It should be more like “That sucks man I know how you’re feeling, want to do something, get your mind off it?”
Agreeing with them depending on the tone of the conversation can also be good. People generally don’t like to feel alone, or think that the way they think is separate from everybody else.
At the moment my best friend that pretty much thought like I did, we could just vent to each other with no judgment. I lost them, so I literally have nobody in my life that I can talk to that relates to me and understands how I think and it’s the worst feeling in the world. I mean I got people, I got friends, and I’m going to be honest I don’t give a damn about them other than they’re nice people. Each one has a certain personality and I can talk to them about certain things but I don’t have that one person anymore. Just someone I can turn the filter off and go wild.
Im saying all that because anybody can be that person but I need to trust them intimately, so for me I don’t need somebody to listen to me I need somebody I can trust. That’s a pretty big thing especially right now. In your situation, they trust you, and they’re talking to you about stuff. They already feel like they can tell you their deep dark feelings, so whatever you’ve been doing up to this point is working. If people are coming to you you’re doing fine!