Found that bf recorded our ‘sexy time’ and more

38 comments

1. report him to the fucking police immediately

   edit: I also wonder how many of those pictures of those ex were taken/saved consensually either..

2. Dont say a word. Delete pics/vids of you from his phone. Go into every acct, file sharing app, etc that you can get access to and delete those too. *Then* you confront him. If you want to go an extra step, collect images/vids of him (just to have a card in the sleeve) and tell him that if he’s got any saved elsewhere, he’d better not share them anywhere or you’ll release everything you have (say this in person). While you’re at it, delete the ones he’s got of her bc she probably doesnt know about it either.

   eta after OP’s edits (and comments): You’re in a completely toxic and abusive relationship. My advice would be to do all the things I suggested above and also r/dupattaluella’s suggestion, and then sit tight until you can sort out a way to leave him. Reach out to any support system you have and ask for help.

3. You can’t un-know what you now know, however, that doesn’t mean you have to ‘confront’ him with it.

   It doesn’t sound like the porn bothers you too much, which is good. All guys watch porn. I’d probably leave your research on his comments alone.

   If you feel like the pictures of the ex are troubling, talk to him about it. Be sure you understand, for yourself, what bothers you about them. Discuss it.

4. Regardless of your wrongdoing in snooping through his stuff, he is completely in the wrong for recording you without consent and still having pictures of his ex. Dump his ass immediately, but not without deleting everything he has of you and her and make sure it’s not saved on an icloud or something. I would also document what he has of you and take it to the police if you feel it necessary. He is too old to not know he needs your permission to keep revealing images or videos of you. I am sorry this has happened to you and I want you to feel safe.

5. Wait so he recorded you without permission having sex and posted it online…… this feels illegal

6. No, I saw this. If you participate in online ‘realtions’ with another person you should assume it is being recorded.

7. The lie is important. Maybe engage over that. It’s a good way to bring up the snooping. ‘listen, we talked about these pictures last week and I saw this and I just want to talk about how this makes me feel and I want to make sure we’re on the same page because I also noticed that you recorded me and I have feelings about that…’

8. You can’t I see what you saw so you’re gonna have to bring it up.

   Before you do, delete them from everywhere. I’m not good with tech stuff, I’d probably have to ask my brother all the places to look for backup files and everything.

9. I know you said you deleted everything, but make sure you go to the recycle bin / recently deleted areas and clear those!! you need to make sure those files aren’t recoverable. For insurance, maybe record a video with your phone of you going through his computer and showing he has all this stuff, so that if he doesn’t comply you could show the police.

10. Please delete her photos as well.

11. Is deleting most better than deleting all?

12. Ugh I know how you feel. I had an ex that was definitely secretly recoding me and sharing it on a group chat with his boys that would do the same to their girlfriends….delete his shit and break up with him. The trust is broken and he obviously doesn’t care about your feelings about it cuz he was doing it secretly and will probably keep doing it.

13. Take his phone to the police.

14. Delete them all then leave.

15. Consented to be photographed doesn’t equate to consent for one’s intimate photographs to be uploaded to Reddit or other social media sites. Also, if he’s the sort of guy who would secretly record you having sex, it’s possible that he coerced his ex into letting him take the photographs, or uploaded them without her consent or knowledge.

    I think it would be a good idea to document the fact that he uploaded your photographs to Reddit without consent in case you need proof that you were abused. I think you should contact a domestic violence organization for help.

    The [Cyber Civil Rights Initiative](https://cybercivilrights.org/victim-resources/) offers help for victims of non-consensual pornography.

16. ‘Sexy time’ 🤮

17. He recorded you and posted it online without your consent . GO TO THE POLICE

18. You should still delete the photos of his ex. When you break up, you should get rid of nudes you have of each other, unless you both are fine with using each other still as fap material. Given your bf doesn’t bother telling *you* when you’re being recorded, I doubt his ex knows he still has those images. For her sake, delete them.

    And while I understand money is tight, for your own safety, you need to look into getting out.

19. So you are USING HIM FOR Living quarters. How selfish of you. Leave now, since it bothers you, call your family, have them wire you $5K – $8K usd so you have $ to move, deposit, etc and leave the guys alone. Geez

20. Secretly delete all videos/photos of yourself from his phone. He won’t be able to confront you without revealing what’s missing. And the moment you are able to leave do so. If you want a confrontation do it once you can leave and not while you are still stuck with him.

21. Your bf is sick. Saving sexy time is off, mainly since you did not consent to this.

22. You need to gather all the evidence you found and hand it to the police that is disgusting and disturbing

23. I would’ve deleted all pictures and videos, even if the ex. Then waited for him to say something

24. I honestly assume most younger guys do this, but reddit will tell you it’s one step removed from rape and you need to dump him🤣

25. While you do whatever you are gonna do. Ever consider that he recorded it so that way he cant be accused of raping you or doing something you didnt want to do? Just saying….

26. Just because the ex is posing for the pictures and they might have been consensual when taken, odds are she did NOT consent to him continuing to keep them even after they’ve broken up. Please delete here photos as well.

27. So you’re just gonna use him for a place to stay because you don’t have any other options right now? Ok got it.

28. disgusting, i hope you can find a way to delete them and get him to move the fuck out. he is a CREEP. the porn shit, who cares, but add the recording you without your consent or knowledge & still having naked photos of an ex, he’s a creep. im sorry that you’re living with someone like that. i wouldn’t feel safe at all. i wish you nothing but the best, though. please stay safe. edit: actually, fuck that, go to the police! you are not safe and he is doing illegal things. you have rights, and feeling safe in your own home and with a significant other are basic rights. he is disgusting, toxic and abusive by reading other comments. YOU NEED TO PRIORITIZE YOURSELF AND YOUR SAFETY!!!!!

29. No friends so you can’t leave. IDK. Maybe that’s all he should be, at best, is a friend and not a lover.

30. There’s a slew of red flags here to unpack…so…leave. Your best bet? Probably to secure a job and get a bank account…transer all that into a savings acc. Then bounce, or, if that isn’t possible…try going to college/uni or something that will aid that outcome.

31. Please find away to delete All of them! Posting pics without permission is a crime in many countries just not America! BTW when you kick his ass out, let us know his name so we don’t fall for his BS!

32. That’s a crime, sweetie.

33. Wow I’d delete all of the pictures (check the iCloud and delete those if possible hopefully no backups 🤞) confronting him would just mean him hiding them better since he clearly doesn’t care for your and her, consent. If you’re pissed enough I’d consult legally about it, if you think he’d distribute. And obviously breakup and hopefully never hear from him! 🙂

    I hope this ends cleanly for you when you’re able to leave. This is horrible! Such a break of trust of you, you’re relationship, *and* his ex! I wonder if she knows! Jesus this guy.

34. First off, he shouldn’t be taking videos without you knowing because that’s fucked, I’d dump him immediately. And second, I have to ask, because I genuinely don’t understand.. but are you seriously okay with him keeping videos or photos of his ex like that?..

35. Sexy time ?

36. You need to do what best for you and only you I would definitely have a conversation with him cause thats not right im a married man and would absolutely ask my wife if it’s ok and what ever her answer is it is but you are the only one that needs to feel safe and secure

37. This guy isn’t a keeper. Get the proof to get him and get out. Good luck!

    There’s always people in better scenarios, but Think of the tons more people in far worse situations… You can do it!

38. Wow he’s disgusting